Scary Movie 5 production and casting news cannot even inspire a clever headline

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

I apologize in advanced for the picture above. It was really the only was I could possibly visualize the horrors that lay in store for you in this news piece, which details a full plotline and casting news for SCARY MOVIE 5.

The film will star Ashley Tisdale, Terry Crews, Roland “Lil Duval” Powell and Lindsay Lohan with Charlie Sheen, Simon Rex, and Molly Shannon returning from the previous movies. David Zucker has saw fit to bastardize his previous legacy of funny movies even further by co-writing and producing the film, which is set for release April 19th of next year.

The film, which has begun production in Atlanta under the directorial hand of Malcolm Lee, will spoof BLACK SWAN, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES and 127 HOURS. The premise has “Three dancers– one veteran performer and two upstarts who are also best friends– vie for the lead in a new production from a snooty, aloof, imperious, and oversexed director.”

Ugh. This franchise hasn’t been funny to anyone over the age of twelve since the second movie came out. The SCARY MOVIE sequels are for the same audience that makes every Adam Sandler or Kevin James vehicle a box office smash and confuses pop cultural references with legitimate jokes. They aren’t movies, they’re celluloid hamburgers. Not Big Macs, either, I’m talking greasy, heart attack-inducing McDoubles. On a positive note, this article lets me post a pre-burnout Lindsay Lohan picture to ease your pain. Let’s all forget our SCARY MOVIE 5 troubles and take in the soothing sight of her below.