Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: John Gulager

Navi Rawat/Heroine
Krista Allen/Tuffy
Balthazar Getty/Bozo
Clu Gulager/Bartender
8 10
A group of losers killing life in a remote watering hole get to see some real action when a pack of blood thirsty beasties decide to attack the shite out of them. Let the good times roll!

They're Hungry. You're Dinner.

FINALLY! I’ve been waiting to see FEAST for what feels like 3 lifetimes (in one of them I was Jack the Ripper)! I so boogied to the trailers and was pissed at Dimension Films for giving it the “dumpskie” treatment (bitchslap limited release). So was it worth the clawing at one’s skin in anticipation till blood was shed in a tea cup for impending guests? YES! YES! YES! (NOTE: That’s what my last date said...when I finally left her house...lol!)

Now this is my kind of horror shin-digs. Funnily enough (not funny ha ha, funny meh) I loved this puppy for the same reason lots of mainstream reviewers loathed it with a passion. Here’s a quote from James Berardinelli for example who gave it ZERO stars: The plot couldn't be more straightforward: a group of ne'er-do-wells become trapped in an isolated bar trying to keep a group of monsters on the outside from getting inside. That's it. That's the entire movie. There's certainly nothing in the premise to tickle the intellect. To that I say: “What the heck is wrong with that?” I l so appreciated that the premise here was simpler than cherry pie on a Sunday morning. It was established and it then acted as a starter pistol for the FFS (fun f*cking stuff) to begin. Nope my intellect wasn’t stimulated (didn’t expect it to be, it’s an action packed monster movie) but my “fuck yeah” button and my gore nerves were definitely tickled and pleasantly destroyed.

Much like a dame off a street corner whom you pay small bills to in order to get favors of a more intimate nature, FEAST aimed to gratify horror fans, that was its agenda and in my book it succeeded and then some. First off, it was funny as shite with groovy dialogue, priceless self aware bits, sly plays on genre conventions and a witty use of freeze frames/music/character descriptions hitting the screen. Gore wise, this sucka suckered me up with ALL KINDS of gnarly howlers that I DID write home to my mom about…just to keep her in the know, as she should be. Then we had the monsters (designed and played by Gary J. Tunnicliffe) so coming through! I saw enough of them for me to know to be afraid and not enough of them to keep me on the edge of my edge suspense wise. Dip all of that horror goodness into a cauldron of tight acting (for the most part), a sweet unpredictable nature as to its body count, moments of inspired macabre creativeness (Was that two monsters going at it doggy-style? YOU BET IT WAS!)  and an endearingly action driven nature and you get the answer as to why this lady is a tramp!

On the slim negative, some of the characters were interchangeable as they looked alike and weren’t developed enough; hence it was hard for my simple brain to make out who was who at times. I could’ve gone without the over-use of shaky cam & cocaine fueled editing as well but that was a small price to pay for the sloppy goodies this one tossed my way. And what was up with the great Clu Gulager (Bartender) being under-used when it came to one-liners? The man's comic delivery is second to none; he needed WAYYYY more quips! When all was chewed, spit out, inhaled and puked out again though, FEAST was a monster mash that had me by the hacky-sack the whole way. It’s not a character study or even that original but within the zippy-paced, overtly gruesome and fun f*cking times boxing ring it was fighting in, this one was an Ivan Drago! FEAST MUST BREAK YOU!

Well I got to see the unrated version I strongly urge ya to do the same. Otherwise you'll miss out on all the yucky fun. Namely; head chewed off, face sliced off, legs chopped off, hand through the chest, gnarly designed creatures and all kind of gooey goodies. Wet and wild baby! WET AND WILD!
Navi Rawat (Heroine) was on and off as the heroine. I wasn't always sold on her deliverey. Krista Allen (Tuffy) was all good in my books of talented hot dames! Balthazar Getty (Bozo) was stellar as the wannabe badass. Clu Gulager (Bartender) is and will always be "the shite"; too bad he wasn't given more funny dialogue. NOTE: The flick has a fairly large cast and I'd like to go on record and PROP THEM ALL for a job well done.
T & A
We get bra and cleavage shots and that's all she wrote in the smut department. Bummer...
Kinetic, energetic, inventive whilst carrying some ooph, John Gulager showcased a strong show, one that sported suspense and hit hard where it count.
The clever use of varied rock ditties here so hit the spot. The same can be said about the low key yet well tuned score.
Looks like I got a new genre flick to add to my "Watch on Halloween collection". FEAST was just that, a motherf*cking horror feast! Well cast/acted/written, side-splitting, always on the move, tension laced and red wet heavy, this one pushed all of my right buttons. Sure character development could've been beefed up and the shaky cam stuff was a tad too much in places but those were easily digestible taking into account all the loving the film gave me. You dig on gore, creatures, jokes and being entertained? Feast on Feast baby! I want seconds!
Feast was made through the Matt Damon/Ben Affleck TV Show "Project Greenlight 3".

Clu Gulager, the actor playing Bartender, is the father of director John Gulager. Diane Goldner (Harley Mama) is John Gulager's wife.