Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Heitor Dhalia

Amanda Seyfried/Jill
Jennifer Carpenter/Sharon
Wes Bentley/Peter
Daniel Sunjata/Powers
5 10
Hot chicka (Amanda Seyfried) claims she was once kidnapped by some nutso a year ago, but 5.0. never found evidence to back her story. So when her sister (Emily Wickersham) disappears out of the freaking blue one morning, chicka is convinced that it's the same wack-job that snatched her ass back then. So she packs a snub nose 38 and goes out to find her kin. No, it's not as exciting as it may sound...
I won't bullshit ya I went into this screening walking backwards. Meaning 1- There was no press screening for it so that's usually a bad sign. 2- It's Rated G here in Montreal, Quebec (PG 13 in the States, I know) so I was expecting a thriller for the Bieber crowd. All that to spit, the last thing I wanted to do today is go see GONE, but hey, I had to, it's one of my jobs and low and behold it wasn't the cinematic excrement McMuffin I thought it would be. Thank Mitra! Don't get me wrong though, it was no great shakes either, but I personally found it watchable at best.

The initial premise of GONE was a familiar yet gripping one and for a while there I thought I may be in for a couple of surprises that would jack it up above the usual run of the mill thriller. Ya see the lead gal “might be” insane, and as the clock ticked forward, I started wondering if the dire happenings were all in her head or not. I was confused as to how I should feel about her. I knew I wanted to nail her (I dig hot and crazy dames) but didn't know if I should trust her. And she was the damn lead! I thought that was a gnarly (if not deja vu) angle but alas the flick didn't run with it 100%; so eventually: thriller 101 it was. With that, I was engaged (in a Jean Luc Picard voice) on varied levels throughout as I followed hysterical Seyfried go from rocky point A - B to zany point C and so forth in her investigation of her MIA sister. Speaking of hot-to-trot Seyfried, she was my main anchor here. I dug her fruity character: a resourceful liar who didn't let the emotional aspects of her quest (or her personal demons) get in the way of accomplishing what she had to do and thankfully Seyfried was up to he task! The lass gave an intense and credible show that sold my sorry ass and then some. Visually, the striking locations (loved them wooden areas) and the photography (by Michael Grady) were excellent and they often saved the look of the film being that the direction was basic and the editing randomly clunky. Finally the name supporting cast was able (Wes Bentley, Jennifer Carpenter and Michael “great man” Pare). Too bad they weren't given much to do but say a couple of lines and cash in them checks. But hey, I'll take class over crass any day!

On the flip side; the whole of the thing was kinda flat. The narrative lacked bumps in it and suspense was on the low jive. I didn't feel much throughout; and no that cat leaping out of the closet didn’t count. Note: What's up with cats in closets in movies? Who the f*ck puts their cats in a closet? Like really! End of Note. The closest I came to feeling anything was during the last 20 minutes or so as the build up to the “showdown” was fairly unnerving and the cap-off refreshingly lacking in the frills department. Oh and was it me or did the Portland, Oregon, Police Department get she middle finger up here? They dismissed Jill's case way too easily, ignored her evidence and had some dense perm abusing cop leading the case (on top of that mop-head chick cop...yeesh). Furthermore, Jill made fools of them during their healthy game of cat and mouse. She managed to outsmart, outrun and out drive the Portland, Oregon police force. WOW! You go girl! Either they're Keystones cops, she's Jason Bourne's sister or we got a script filled with holes/conveniences (like a cell phone working right to the point when the heroine is near a threat...sigh). I chose the latter and yup suspension of disbelief had to be applied BIG TIME here for me to keep going with this one's cha-cha. And was it me or did this one overdid it with its red-herrings? EASY MAN! Are the trees suspects too? Talk about overkill. As for Brazilian film director Heitor Dhalia; I had never heard of him before; I don't know how his other movies are but here the thing lacked energy and the visual style was pretty TV Movie-ish. Nough said!

All in all, I saw GONE, was moderately amused, didn't get harmed too bad, the end credits rolled and now I can forget all about it. This is the kind of movie you catch halfway in on TV at 4AM, drunk, after a night of hardcore boozing. But a worthwhile theatrical experience? Not worth the coin or the trip!
A dry stabbing and dry gun shot wounds i.e. none!
T & A
We get a nude Amanda Seyfried through a foggy clear shower curtain. Nice curves but nothing to whip out the silk glove and baby oil over.
GONE had a promising starting point, a compelling heroine, a chain of events that had me/lost me (rinse and repeat) and a straight forward finale that spared me the shenanigans. I also dug Amanda Seyfried's work and the supporting cast owned it. Michael Pare is always good in my books! On that, save your dough and see it on DVD or on TV instead. Maybe if it would've capitalized on the novel ideas it had (like an insane lead), didn't lean so much on suspension of disbelief (If I was a cop, I would spit on this movie), had a more flair behind the lens, jacked up the tension and didn't carry so many plot holes/conveniences it could have been something superior! As-is, it was another pedestrian thriller, one that reeked of the 90's mold (it would have starred Ashley Judd back then). Like I said, TV or DVD. Or not at all now that I think of it! You're not missing much if you skip it all together. Off to enjoy my Saturday night I go!
Screenwriter Allison Burnett also penned Untraceable (2008) and Underworld: Awakening (2012).

The flick was shot in Portland, Oregon, USA. I was sure it was Vancouver, BC as I watched the flick, I was wrong.