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Paranormal Activity 2(2010)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Tod Williams

Starring:
Katie Featherston/Katie
Micah Sloat/Micah
2 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
After an apparent break in in their new house, a family installs security cameras all over the place and then go on to LIVE THEIR LIVES with camcorders in their hands. With all that filming, they eventually figure out that there's something else in that pad with them and its not Burt Reynolds or A.J. Bowen. Bummer for them...
THE LOWDOWN
I guess the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY franchise is a love it or hate it - get it or don't affair. I was actually in the middle with the first flick; it had a handful of genuine frights, wrapped up in plot holes and uneven acting.... but I had an “okay” time with it. The movie broke bank and now we got a prequel cum sequel to deal with. Did it better the original? Not for this twat. Like...AT ALL!

Here are 10 things that I learned from watching PARABOREDOM ACTIVITY 2.

WARNING SOME SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. SORRY, THIS TIME, I COULDN'T WRITE MY DRIVEL WITHOUT THEM.

1- When you do a sequel to a successful horror movie that has NOTHING left to say, do the same thing all over again but with a baby, a dog and a teenage gal.

2- When you move into a new house, you film the shit out of the event, and when there is a break in , you have security cameras installed (fair enough) and you then proceed to live your life with a camcorder stapled to your hand (???)...shit somebody even sleeps with one at some point... COME ON! NOTE: Didn't know they had such good HD cams in 2006, the time the film was set in.

3- Security cameras record sound (They do!?), fast forward by themselves and love to do them nifty jump cuts to provoke "raccord" mistakes.

4- If shit is a pinch fishy in your house, surf the net and in a micro second come to the conclusion that its Satan himself at play. I mean hey, every 15 year old girl out there would think of old scratch first right? In this day and age Lucifer is so mainstream its not even funny. He's down with the teenies! I heard he even has his own hip hop album...

5- If the cabinets in your house ALL SLAM OPEN by themselves, obviously prompted by an unseen force, don't leave the house, hop in the car and speed away with your baby, just close the cabinet doors and wait for the next demon attack. Its the smart thing to do.

6- The devil and family curses are a regular part of life, hence believing in them is effortless and not batting an eye when a demon messes with ya is normal. Hey, the way this film sees it is this: you have money, Satan must have been involved... it's a given... that sly bastard...el Diablo knows how to bank!

7- No matter the amount of screen time Micah has (and here it was limited), he's just freaking annoying.

8- F*cking over a loved family member in the name of saving your own ass is all good... not a problem. No guilt, no second thoughts, no remorse. And I am supposed to like these people?

9- Satan LOVES and I mean LOVES toying around with pool cleaning machines. I mean he's Satan what else is he gonna do right?

10- When you are 169% certain that your house is possessed, don't leave, don't even call a priest, dial up that Mexican house keeper, she'll clean the f*cking mess up...puneta...

Yup as you may have noticed, I loathed this idiotic and half thought out sequel. They didn't even bother to TRY to justify the constant filming; shit sometimes somebody was filming and I had no idea who it was. The neighbor? The local crack whore? Crusty the Clown? Who knows? Moreover, nothing happened for like the first hour (if I see one more shot of a pool or hear another baby crying sound... I'll kill my stuffed animal Ki-Ki) and when the scares finally kicked in, they were so see through (except for one) and as limp as me after a bottle of JD. The first film got me a couple of times...this one...NATHING. And don't get me started on the trite and dumb-dumb explanation they came up with to back up the haunting. WOW. That was weak sauce to say the least. Plot holes galore, stupid moves to serve the plot and a pacing that almost put me 6 feet underground, this turkey deserved a beheading.

Any positives to spew? Well the acting was okay with the gal playing the teen daughter blowing everybody out of the water performance wise. Katie Featherston's ba-boom whip cream worthy cleavage looked swell, the dog whimpered credibly and when the flick stopped acting like a prequel and kicked into sequel mode, it kinda got my attention but by that time it was too little to late. Yup, slap me in the “I don't get it” crowd, I know PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 is getting good word of yapper and broke bank on Friday... but straight up...for me... this was one of the dumbest, half-cocked and blandest horror flicks I've seen this year. F*ck this movie for wasting my time twice — via seeing it and now writing about it. PHEWEY! I spit on thee!
GORE
I slit my right wrist during my watch, just so I could feel something. I bled a lot...I guess that's gore right?
T & A
Katie Featherston mammoth cleavage kept calling my name, and the beast in my chinos kept answering.
BOTTOM LINE
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 was a tedious, no scares, zero IQ and LAZY horror movie that didn't bother to justify in a credible fashion why peeps stayed in a house that kept threatening them and why they had camcorders on them 24/7. It also sported obvious fear ploys and a cliched and weak sauce WHY behind it all that so grated me it wasn't even funny. Sometimes NOT having an explanation is the best way to go (just ask Michael Myers and them damn Druids circa Halloween 6) and this was one of them times. The acting was aight and the last 5 minutes woke me up but one the whole I am so ANGRY that I wasted time and money on such a piece of shit. I know lots of peeps loved it, good for them, I mean it, all the power to yall who dug it, I didn't and it sucks for me. Maybe if it would have scared me like the original did at times, I would have forgiven it for being so dumb and snore inducing. To be honest, I am now anxious to forget all about it, which will happen in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...what movie am I talking about again? Ah yeah... Kubrick's The Shining...
BULL'S EYE
Michael R. Perry (Millenium TV show) wrote the script.

Brian DePalma was up to direct this at some point, but Tod Williams finally got the gig.