Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jim Sonzero

Kristen Bell/Mattie
Ian Somerhalder/Dexter
Christina Milian/Isabell
Jonathan Tucker/Josh
4 10
When Mattie’s (Bell) hacker boyfriend (Tucker) commits suicide, she and her group of hip friends find out that a ghostly virus might be behind it…and it’s spreading fast! Is it the end of the world as we know it? Well I felt fine until I sat through this crud!
Just went to see PULSE (the remake of Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s KAIRO) and I’m pissed. While in my seat, I was hoping for the best and for the first 10 minutes or so, I thought, maybe my instincts were wrong about this movie. This won’t be a Dimension Films Blue Plate Special (i.e. a flick burnt out in the editing room); this might be an “okay” ride! I was wrong, RIP wrong.

There used to be a good film in here, wrong or right, my Arrow-Senses tingled on that. The actors were well cast, the initial premise tantalizing, some of the macabre imagery was striking, the visuals definitely gripping to gawk at and the sound design mucho efficient. But throughout, it felt like somebody (Es tu Weinsteins?) came in with a big pair of rusty scissors and ruined it all. The last time my miniscule smarts were insulted this much was when my ex girlfriend told me she was faithful when I was away, while a used condom rested on her floor, inches away from her feet. F*ck you for that bitch! And I mean the film and my ex girlfriend! Watching Pulse was like witnessing a train wreck happen in slow motion. The more it clocked forward, the more it disintegrated into hunks of trash.

From the inept character/relationship development (or lack of), to the spastically edited yet flatter than Princess Leia in Star Wars scare set pieces to the clunky way the unfocused storyline moved forward (think limp fear bits stringed together), this one could do no right. Plot holes the size of Anna Nicole Smith’s pre Trim-Spa ass were abound, the film negated its internal logic many o times and the last block in particular was a freaking joke whilst its cop-out “Terminator 2” like finale voice-over was the punch line. The genius' behind this thing must really think we’re utter idiots, why else would they have two random characters (one of them Brad Douriff of all people) pop up out of left field at some point to explain to us what’s going. Hey a-holes, I know what’s going on! I’ve been watching the film you twats! Have you? I don’t need it spelled out to me in blatant expositional ways as if I was a mentally challenged toddler with no limbs. I swear if I could’ve spat that far, I would’ve spewed at the screen in disgust.

Pulse could’ve been something; it was slick, had a decent cast and an engaging subject matter as to our society’s peculiar relationship with our ever growing technology. But they took a warm, Chlamydia laced piss on it and mucked it up. Don’t bother taking this corpse’s pulse, its motherf*cking dead!
We get some ‘disturbing” (term used loosely) imagery but zero gore.
Kristen Bell (Mattie) did her best Sarah Michelle Gellar impression and it worked for the most part. Ian Somerhalder (Dexter) looked lost and I don’t blame him. Who was he again here? Christina Milian (Isabell) did what she could with what she was given…which was not much. Jonathan Tucker (Josh) was the stand-out actor here, with intensity and credibility on his side. I guess he wasn’t too fond of the film since his name isn’t in the opening credits.
T & A
Unless some shirtless, bald, white as toothpaste ghost-dude cranks your dial, you won’t get aroused here. The least Kirsten Bell could’ve done was drop her bra as an apology for starring in this dreck. HOW RUDE!
I did groove on lots of Jim Sonzero’s style! He had at knack at communicating dread successfully, nailed the unsettling atmosphere, gave the whole a unique look and show-offed some sweet shots. Too bad the whole didn't gel.
We get a somber, spooky score and a solid use of odd sounds to give us the willies.
McPulse was everything that's wrong with Studio genre films today rolled up in one sitting. Shame on whoever is responsible for this! SHAME! Specially since there was something potentially solid in here! Yeah the imagery/sound design were tops, it had an appealing cast and an initial premise with all kinds of promise but they missed the tug-boat by a hundred yards. Somebody forgot to put in credible character/plot development, internal logic and potent scares in there. They cooked up this “Horror Flick for Dummies” instead. Talk about underestimating one's audience! Skip it and pray for a "Director's Cut DVD release".
The trailer for Pulse had footage from the original Japanese film in it. And yes one of the shots (the plane) made it in this remake (the tower jump didn't)...cheap bastards!

Wes Craven was initially set to direct this, but he left the project after the Weinsteins foobarred him with Cursed.