Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
See No Evil(2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Gregory Dark

Kane/Jacob Goodnight
Rachael Taylor/Zoe
Michael J. Pagan/Tyson
Craig Horner/Richie
6 10
Two groups of cardboard cut-outs delinquent teens, one muchachos and the other chicas are tossed into an abandoned Hotel to clean it up. Problem is some huge dude (Kane baby!) with a lasso-chain-hook and violent tendencies decides to clean them up instead! Lets mop the floor with some blood!

This shouldn't take too long guys and dolls! I missed SEE NO EVIL when it slashed its way on the big screen and finally got to dance around in the ring with it recently. Did it beat me to a pulp? Yes it did on a very primal level. Other than that, well... there wasn't really anything that went beyond the "other than that" point.

You know how most slasher movies establish their characters and situation for like 20 to 25 minutes before doing the human laundry on them for an hour via some big lug with a razor sharp weapon? Well See No Evil had no time for that shite. Tinker-teens were tossed into the meat grinder within 10 minutes in and it took about that time to establish the narrative canvas as well. With absolutely ZERO investment in these "twats" or the slim-fast story behind the madness, all I had left was watching peeps get whacked one after another in gory and mean spirited ways. And you know what? NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT AMIGOS! This nasty slasher had its main bases covered. Big scary killer that looks like an overgrown version of "Bam Bam"? Check! Lots of balls when it came to "out of school" murders (loved the cell phone bit)? Check! An engaging, energetic and rusty looking visual style coating the whole? Check. An effortless pace? Check! And that was that on that! That was the freaking movie!

Sure there was a mild semblance of a plot here but nothing too involving. It was there to justify the kills and that was it. And although I boogied to the way they executed the "killer back-story" via stylish flashbacks, I can't say that the loony's emotional baggage gripped me in any way. It was way too derivative of every damn slasher from the 80's... Friday the 13Th included and I'm getting sick of these "mama's boys". Yup, I could've easily went without it! Another bone I had to pick with this skeleton was its shaky last block. You see, since the movie started getting rid of its teen stamps so early on, it kind of ran out of Gatorade at the hour mark, resulting in stretched out stalk bits and a YAWN "twist" (term used VERY loosely) having to do with the murderer. Didn't help matters much that the "twist" made our psycho-a-go-go look like a big pussy. Come on! You've been a heartless mayhem-machine for an hour and 10 minutes! What's with this left field, whiny, bitch shite kicking in now!?! I didn't buy it! BE A MAN DAMMIT!

And I'm done! Told ya it wouldn't take long! As the end credits rolled though, I was still a content horror fan. SEE NO EVIL wasn't rocket science, even within the slasher subgenre, but there's always something heart warming about witnessing some imposing psycho duder throwing a chain-lasso-hook into dumb teens' necks. I don't know why, but it touches me right here (points at heart). Is that wrong? Should I 911 my shrink again? NAH! He's dead anyways and according to my lawyer, I didn't do it. So,you gonna tango with this grisly mofo or what?

We get a chopped off arm, mucho eye gougings, hook in all kinds of flesh, blood splashes and an inventive use of a cell phone. Grade B for BRUTAL! Loved it!
Kane (Jacob Goodnight) made for a mucho threatening psycho and did fine when he had to act too! Good stuff! Rachael Taylor (Zoe) was hot and convincing as the bitchy blonde. Yes I wanted to bang her silly! Michael J. Pagan (Tyson) was a black guy in a horror film that DIDN'T act as comic relief. THANK YOU! The dude was also credible and likeable. Craig Horner (Richie) was Aces as the scumbag you love to hate.
T & A
We get a female butt shot and that's it. WTF? What kind of unapologetic slasher is this? What ever happened to the old fashion tit shot? COME ON! The ladies get Kane's endearing white bald head.
Energetic, kinetic and orangey throughout, the visuals here kept me on my toes. The use of sound was maximized as well, rounding out the flick's potent aesthetics. I could've gone without the umpteen use of the "shaky cam" editing trick, but what can you do...
We get some low rent rap tunes, an efficient industrial score and some "children singing" ditty that worked wonders for the killer back-story flashbacks.

Sometimes all you need out of a quick genre fix, is flashy visuals, a relentless pace, a huge psychopath and dumb teens getting slaughtered like cows on their way to McDonalds Value Meal Land. SEE NO EVIL put out just that with pizzazz and I grooved to it! But if you're craving characterization, a fleshed out plot or a pinch of originality to go along with the exploitative goodies at play, look somewhere else, you won't find them here. It's a perfect Friday night, beers, friends and two for one whores offering, nothing more or less!

WWE Films co produced the film and Kane is well known wrestler.

Director Gregory Dark used to produce porn...GREAT MAN!

Hot to trot blonde Rachael Taylor who played Zoe will next be seen in the live action TRANSFORMERS movie. She plays Maggie.