Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Storm Warning(2007)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jamie Blanks

Nadia Farès/Pia
Robert Taylor/Rob
John Brumpton/Poppy
David Lyons/Jimmy
6 10
A yuppie couple gets lost in an Aussie swamp during a romantic boat ride (they never heard of cheap Motels I guess…). They eventually seek shelter from an incoming storm within some remote and spooky farmhouse. Of course a family of hick nut-balls crash in and party it up on them — loony style! Let the games begin!
The sole reason I went out of my way to see STORM WARNING was because it was helmed by Jamie Blanks. Yes he did I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legend and Valentine but say what you will about those films; one thing is consistent within them; they look spit-shine good! Jamie Blanks has always had a potent eye behind the lens and I appreciate his efforts due to that.

STORM WARNING is Blanks working outside the system (good for you bro); an obviously low budget film, with no stars and most likely more creative control. Now I’ll give the film this, it kept me interested throughout. The Australian locations were arresting and milked hardcore by Mr. Blanks, our two leads were at first very likeable and the predicament they found themselves in was compelling and filled with promise. Although the chain of events that followed was reasonably tension laced and engaging; STORM WARNING gave me nothing fresh for its first hour.

Anybody that’s seen one of them “regular peeps versus crazy hicks” flicks will coast through this one and second guess it without batting an eye. It surely didn’t help matters that our two leads were imbeciles for the most part. They had the worse instincts (to serve the plot) and always missed out on getting away from their crazy captors, even when the opportunity was served to them on a platter. The duder in particular really grated me after a while since he had NO BALLS whatsoever and I can’t respect that in a man. Bro, they want to rape your wife…DO SOMETHING! What a bitch!

But low and behold; what was so far a fairly “safe”, randomly suspenseful and by the numbers opus within its subgenre; became a f*cking hoot & a half of gore and insane situations via its last block. Out of left field our lead chickadee transformed into a Ellen Ripley clone and cranked up the volume to “fun f*cking times”! I’m talking MacGyver on acid like traps, a mucho creative vaginal “rape prevention” tool (ouch), a hooks in flesh occurrence that put Hellraiser to shame and all kinds of red splats. Straight up, I was laughing out loud out of pure joy during the last 20 minutes or so, totally wowed by the film’s sudden embrace of that finer than wine lady we call MADEMOISELLE EXCESS.

So at the end of the slit throat, STORM WARNING wound up being “okay” for its first hour but blew the dong out of the zipper with its last block; ending on a high note. In the words of some Mexican dude and Sarah Connor: “There a storm coming” — “I know.”
When this one got cooking, the pan was thrown out the window! We get hooks in the body/face, hammer in the head, a razor sharp vagina protector at play, a dog eating testicules and more!
Nadia Farès (Pia) had the looks, presence and chops to have me rooting for her the whole time. Great ass too! Robert Taylor (Rob) was ideal casting as the uppity dude; too bad his role was so pathetic. John Brumpton (Poppy) and David Lyons (Jimmy) made for credible and slimy psychos.
T & A
Nadia Farès is a pro at the whole nipples through the shirt skill and she also showed us her heart shaped butt. Thank you Nadia! Much appreciated.
Once again Blanks slam dunked a polished up, creative in terms of camera moves (loved them aerial shots) and mucho atmospheric flick. The man also displayed a firm grasp on suspense; getting me antsy a few times.
The score (by Jamie Blanks no less) worked well for the most part, if not a little redundant at times. B+
STORM WARNING didn’t bring anything new to the whole “stranded folks seeks shelter at an isolated pad filled with psychos” subgenre. For its first hour, been there done that and dumber than the norm kept ringing in my ear. With that stabbed, the flick managed to always be entertaining none the less, looked uber slick, had a solid cast and it sucker punched me hardcore with its no holds barred, gore to the wall final act. By no means a masterpiece but worth a watch!
The flick was shot in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

Nadia Fares was born on December 20, 1973 in Marrakech, Morocco.

The screenplay was written by Everett De Roche who also wrote Razorback.