Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
The Cave(2005)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Bruce Hunt

Cole Hauser/Jack
Morris Chestnut/Buchanan
Piper Perabo/Charlie
Eddie Cibrian/Tyler
5 10
A group of rock and roll yet top notch cave explorers led by a great man Cole Hauser as Cole Hauser playing Jack find themselves fending for their lives against a horde of ball breaking beasties.
Although The Cave was your typical over heated in the editing room, dumping month offering, I still got some kicks out of it. First off I’m a big Cole Hauser fan and nobody gives intense stares while exuding mucho menace like the Cole Man. Cole did a lot of that shite here, hence I was a happy camper. The film’s breath neck pace also made sure that I was never too bored throughout, where there was more often than none something remotely exciting going down onscreen.There was one scene in particular that stood out from the rest. It had Piper Perabo on a rope high up + a flying beastie and that equaled me actually gawking in awe as to the staging of the sequence and how it unraveled. That bit was the highlight of the flick for me…FUN SHITE! Lastly the display of slick photography (loved the underwater stuff), inspired shots and the random underdeveloped yet gnarly ideas (like where the creatures came from and the last frame…groovy!) warmed my bacon the right way.

On the sad sack side of the sad sack, the flick was cut way too tight for its own good, resulting in the narrative progression feeling choppy and incomplete. There used to be a better movie in here, I’m sure of it! Maybe the Studio will reveal it to us with the “Director’s Cut” DVD. NOTE ON PRIOR STATEMENT: Man I’m sick of saying that! How about releasing films the right way in the THEATRES for a change! No wonder ticket sales are going down the shitter. Why sit through some half baked, pussied-up PG 13 version when you can own a better cut of the film for pretty much the same price when it hits DVD???. But I digress…I’m getting ahead of myself in this cave of a review over here…so to continue… I didn’t care for the shaky cam technique that went down with every kill and many of the zany chase sequences either. Hey man…I’d like to SEE the kills! It’s a horror film you know! And now that I think of it, I’d like to see the MONSTERS too, for the same damn reason that I’d like to see the kills! COME ON! WORK WITH ME! And it should be said; whoever wrote the script should look up the word "characterization" in the dictionary. The characters here were thinner than the fishing wire I used to kill my ex girlfriend with while the lines they spat out often reeked the place up (why was Perabo “duding” all the time…didn’t buy it). The only reason I remotely gave a damn about anybody was due to the actors playing the roles, not the characters (or lack of) themselves.

When the Cave was blasted shut, this ditty wound being a thin, slap dash, goreless and derivative effort that managed to still bring  some smiles my way via the Cole Man, its swift pace, at times fly action and pocketful of slick concepts. Should you explore The Cave on the big screen? Nah…wait for the DVD where hopefully a more complete cut will be released or better yet hold on tight for The Descent, another cave/monster exercise which is actually F*CKING AWESOME (review up soon)
We get ome bloody slashes, impaling and stabbing. Too dry for my taste! NOTE: When I saw creature designer Patrick Tatopoulos' name in the opening credits, I got excited where I usually love his work. Unfortunately, the film naver gave me a clean look at the baddies....bummer...
Not much of a part for Cole Hauser (Jack) here but the deep voice, creepy looks and endearing stillness of the man made it happen for me. Morris Chestnut (Buchanan) played the same role he played in Anaconda 2…hey…he’s good at it. Piper Perabo (Charlie) was hotter than a pyromaniac’s wet dream but a cave diver…yeah right! The shitty dialogue she was tagged with didn’t help in upping her credibility that's for sure. Eddie Cibrian (Tyler) did okay, he reacted at a middle ground throughout, playing it safe and letting his GQ looks gap the rest. Was it me or did Rick Ravanello (Briggs) feel “off” more often than none! Maybe it was the whiny character he played or the poor dialogue but man…. I hated him in this!
T & A
Piper Perabo looked so yummyliscious in that spandex inclined cave outfit. I’d buy that for a dollar…actually…I’d even go as far as shelling out 2 bucks for it!
Director Bruce Hunt had his moments in terms of dread inclined atmosphere, slick shots and gorgeous photography. At the same time he had no grasp on suspense and went overboard with the quick cuts/shaky cam garbage! It’s a Studio picture NOT the Blair Witch Project bro!
The score was mostly generic in terms of the subgenre it was backing up but a couple of “The Thing” like bass beats moments arose in places and I truly boogied to them. Half and half! And was that a Night Wish song I heard during the end credits? YOU BET IT WAS!
The Cave looked good, moved fast, sported a decent cast and a couple of neato ideas. Sadly the characters were cardboard cut outs, the dialogue bah, the creatures too much in the dark, the tension low, the gore absent while the whole was obviously Shaked & Baked in the editing room for way too long. It’s a rental at best where it’s the type of opus you can watch whilst being distracted and you wouldn’t miss a thing. Rent it when it comes out or better yet, hunt down The Descent instead, same basic premise…MUCH better movie! Arrow out, got my own cave dwelling to attend to…if you know what I mean…
Director Bruce Hunt was the (third unit director) on The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions (2003). He also was the second unit director on The Matrix (1999) (second unit director)

The Cave was supposed to come out on April 8th 2005 but was then pushed back to August 19th 2005.