I’ve never heard of this “Johnny Simmons” before, but he just became my least favorite person on the planet. Why’s that, you ask? Cuz this guy, who has a track-record consisting of EVAN ALMIGHTY and BOOGEYMAN 2, just landed a lead role in JENNIFER’S BODY… In case you don’t recall, that’s the horror-comedy with Megan Fox. Yeah, her. I’m putting two and two together here and discovering that Simmons is probably going to have a lot of screentime with her, maybe even get to touch her. Maybe even… No… It’s not right. First Shia LaBeouf gets to have her laying on top of him (while they both lay atop Bumblebee, who must’ve felt like a $20 hotel room bed at that point. “So glad I helped ya save Earth, thanks guys!”), and now this dude? I’m becoming an actor. Like, tomorrow…
JENNIFER’S BODY (written by the supremely annoying Diablo Cody) is about a cheerleader (Fox) who becomes possessed by an evil-spirit, and subsequently begins eating all of the boys in town. Her best friend (Amanda Seyfried) has to put a stop to her… Meanwhile, Johnny Simmons is all, “Hey, I’m Johnny Simmons. Check it out while I stand within a few yards of Megan Fox. You can all go crap yourselves!”
Yep, pretty sure that’s an accurate impersonation… Next up, a roast of Brian Austin Green!