Jen’s Body wants Simmons

By Eric Walkuski

Posted 18 years ago

Last Updated on July 27, 2021

I’ve never heard of this “Johnny Simmons” before, but he just became my least favorite person on the planet. Why’s that, you ask? Cuz this guy, who has a track-record consisting of EVAN ALMIGHTY and BOOGEYMAN 2, just landed a lead role in JENNIFER’S BODY… In case you don’t recall, that’s the horror-comedy with Megan Fox. Yeah, her. I’m putting two and two together here and discovering that Simmons is probably going to have a lot of screentime with her, maybe even get to touch her. Maybe even… No… It’s not right. First Shia LaBeouf gets to have her laying on top of him (while they both lay atop Bumblebee, who must’ve felt like a $20 hotel room bed at that point. “So glad I helped ya save Earth, thanks guys!”), and now this dude? I’m becoming an actor. Like, tomorrow…

JENNIFER’S BODY (written by the supremely annoying Diablo Cody) is about a cheerleader (Fox) who becomes possessed by an evil-spirit, and subsequently begins eating all of the boys in town. Her best friend (Amanda Seyfried) has to put a stop to her… Meanwhile, Johnny Simmons is all, “Hey, I’m Johnny Simmons. Check it out while I stand within a few yards of Megan Fox. You can all go crap yourselves!”

About the Author

Eric Walkuski

Film Critic

10,340 Articles Published

Favorite Movies: Jaws, Star Wars Trilogy, Aliens, Citizen Kane, The Third Man, Dawn read more of the Dead ('78), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre ('74), Fargo, Miller's Crossing, Reservoir Dogs, The Manchurian Candidate ('62), Taxi Driver, Back to the Future, Stand by Me, Shaun of the Dead, Boogie Nights, La Dolce Vita, 12 Angry Men, The Birds, Touch of Evil

Likes: Film, Beer (who the hell DOESN'T around here?!), writing, NY Mets, read more The Jets, Girls who love film AND beer (at the same time), Jazz, Deadwood, The Wire, The Office, The Twilight Zone, Cormac McCarthy, Graham Greene, Stephen King, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Scorsese, Spielberg, Halloween season, Marvel movies, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Ash vs Evil Dead, Game of Thrones, Edgar Allen Poe, Mother Nature

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