You know, Uwe Boll catches a lot of shit. Around here, around everywhere. A lot of the time, it’s pretty well deserved. But he really isn’t the worst director working today. Of course, a lot of people vie for the title, but I’m confidant there’s a clear-cut winner… And that’s Ulli Lommel.
If you’ve never heard the name, you might know the resume. He’s the guy primarily responsible for those “true crime” exploitation flicks that hit DVD with a regularity. Titles like ZODIAC KILLER, B.T.K. KILLER, BLACK DAHLIA, SON OF SAM… you get the idea. In addition, he made the 1980 stinker THE BOOGEYMAN, which some of you may remember, and is also responsible for an absolutely godawful turd called THE TOMB, which is so wretched that I won’t even bore you with the details of its stupidity. (It actually claims to be based on an H.P. Lovecraft story, but if that were really true, I’m sure Lovecraft himself would rise from the grave and strangle Lommel with piano wire.)
Anyway, Lommel has his next masterpiece ready to go. It’s FRANKENSTEIN IN 3D. Ambitious, no? Wait’ll you read what it’s about!
Frankenstein is ripe for the taking, as long as it is hip and happening. Taking the classic novel into the 21st century with a teenage Dr. Frankenstein and into the wrestling world in 3D, it is destined to create a new and lasting franchise.
Wow. Yes. That’s just what I was thinking. After all, what two things create long-lasting franchises? Why, teenaged Dr. Frankensteins and wrestling, of course! Add in some 3D, and it’s a near f*cking certainty that this will be a behemoth, sure to make even James Cameron green with envy. Remember that 3D FRANKENSTEIN movie set in the world of wrestling James Cameron made? Oh that’s right – he’s made no such movie… This is the next phase of cinema, people. Sit back and enjoy.
FRANKENSTEIN IN 3D has a $10 million budget (?!) and is due to hit… somewhere… in March 2010.
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