Meet My New Gf!

JoBloJoBlo

Its been a while since I’ve dated anyone. Pornhub has become a good friend of mine, and that memory of the girl with the big boobs in grade school who asked me to dance whenever a Mariah Carey song came on won’t soon fade. Those boobs are still first up in my wank tank and have been more faithful to me than any girl ever was. That’s why I’m crossing my fingers with my new girlfriend. She really does have it all. She’s beautiful, self-assured, and highly, self aware. She has the ability to express herself through fashion, she’s passionate, and she is extremely active. Best of all, she loves the ninja turtles. A lot. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, introducing my cupcake, my muffin, my penguin, my pineapple–My new girlfriend, Michelle.

Source: Buzzfeed

About the Author

Favorite Movies: Seven, American Beauty, Breathless, Edward Scissorhands, La Doce Vita, Forrest Gump, read more Shawshank Redemption, Batman, Requiem For a Dream, Psycho, On The Waterfront, Jules et Jim, Little Children, A Clockwork Orange, The Dark Knight, Taxi Driver, Eyes Wide Shut, Minnie and Moskowitz, Five Easy Pieces, Ed Wood, The Truman Show, There`s Something About Mary, Pulp Fiction, Star Wars, A Woman Under The Influence, Annie Hall, Chinatown, Unforgiven, Fargo, Saving Private Ryan, Dog Day Afternoon, Groundhog Day, Dumb and Dumber, T2, The Conversation, Bonnie and Clyde

Likes: Tankhouse Ale, breakfast sandwiches, The Wire, Roz, the boys, Jean Mance read more Park, net artists, NoLita, Nine Inch Nails, McNally Jackson, Gordon Ramsay, Sherlock Holmes, pulled pork, Noirs, high boots, hockey pools, walking, whole foods and Provigo, status updates, cilantro, Empire State Building, remixes, Blizzarts, staring, cozes, eccentrics, limes, pho soup, oceans, David Brent, white underwear, wings, The Plateau, Langstaff, scrabble, murder

The comment section exists to allow readers to discuss the article constructively and respectfully, focused on the topic at hand.

What’s Not Allowed

  • Abusive language, insults, or harassment toward other users or staff.
  • Hate speech of any kind is strictly prohibited.
  • Bickering, bullying, personal attacks, or baiting others to argue
  • Extended off-topic debates, especially those centered on politics or religion rather than the article topic
  • No AI content or SPAM