DEATH WISH 3 (1985)
Rating: 4 out of 4 / Buy the DVD Here
TAGLINE: He’s back in New York bringing justice to the streets…
Directed by Michael Winner
Starring: Charles Bronson, Martin Balsam, Deborah Raffin
THE PLAN: Into a neighborhood composed entirely of mean-spirited hoodlums and helpless old people comes Paul Kersey (Bronson), the world’s most famous vigilante. He’s just coming home to visit his old war buddy when, on that very day, a gang of punks break into the old man’s house and beat him to death… Kersey doesn’t dig it. Guess who’s staying for dinner!
THE KILL: Of course the obvious question: why DEATH WISH 3? Well, simply put, the first DEATH WISH isn’t action-extravaganza enough for this column, and the second one isn’t worth talking about. Part 3, however, is an utterly crazy movie – it’s as “80s” as Cyndi Lauper (whom some of the gang members dress like), as pro-vigilantism as, well, a DEATH WISH movie, and in a ballsy move, sports a cinder block as its hero! Alright, it isn’t a cinder block, it’s Charles Bronson, but only because a cinder block can’t say necessary lines like “Chicken’s good. I like chicken.”
DEATH WISH 3 is set in a subsection of New York that must be called “Baghdad,” because it’s a smoking, bombed-out hellhole where at any given minute you’ll probably see a screaming woman or an old person carrying groceries being harassed by any of the endless number of day-glow wearing punks who look like they should be dancing alongside Michael Jackson. This place is just waiting for Mr. Kersey – who is as emotionless and indifferent as any mass-murdering protagonist ever committed to film – to mail-order an arsenal of machine-guns (which he does a few times – this movie loves to visit the post office) and take out this huge racially-liberal gang.
This gang rolls with Bill S. Preston Esquire!
About this gang. They’re lead by a snarling, growling scuz named Fraker who wears his hair in a reverse multi-colored mohawk and looks like he should be attending neo-nazi rallies. But his gang doesn’t discriminate – refreshingly, it’s made up of Blacks, Whites, Latinos, probably a few Asian people, and Alex Winter from Bill and Ted. He’s Fraker’s right-hand man, so you can guess how intimidating this group is… They live in the good old days – when gangs wore skin-tight jeans, leather vests, and gloves with the fingers cut off. Their star creep is a sprinting, happy-go-lucky jackass called “The Giggler” who runs through the armada of shuffling old ladies and swipes their purses. (Paul watches this with fascination one day and says “Man he really moves!”)
I can’t believe this screenplay wasn’t nominated…
One thing these gang members should never do is stand atop a roof or fire escape – hell, even a stoop – because inevitably they will be shot or thrown off and plummet to the ground while shrieking like a girl. This occurs quite frequently. Cars also ought not enter Baghdad, NY, because if they are shot at, crashed into, or even bumped by a small child they will burst into an apocalyptic ball of flames. This also happens all the time, and adds to the city’s general smokiness.
I haven’t explained the plot, you say? Yes, I have. Okay, more detail: Kersey moves into his dead pal’s apartment, befriends the old Jewish people and Hispanic
couple who reside in the building, and sets about either flat-out shooting gang members or planting MacGuyveresque booby-traps for whatever idiot isn’t naturally expecting to walk through a window and have a plank of wood smash him in the face. (This especially delights the old Jewish couple, who smile broadly when Kersey shows them the poor guy’s dislodged front teeth.) Kersey’s goofin’ around with his neighbors is intercut with the grim Fraker’s hanging about with his cronies in their haggard drug den. These scenes probably accurately reflect the actor’s actions immediately after the movie’s release.
This is all set to a smashing Casio-keyboard soundtrack (by Jimmy Page?!?!), and is shot through a delightfully grungy 80s filter (you know, the one that makes everything look just a little dirtier). Truth be told, if you’re not too drunk afterward, you’ll want to watch DEATH WISH 3 again immediately after it’s over (hence my 4 star rating – that’s for entertainment value, folks).
TOP DEATH: Bronson throws a thug off of a roof. Doesn’t sound too exciting, I know, but the thug is played by mannequin, and the effect is devastatingly hilarious. (Watch it below!)
TOP ACTION SCENE: Kersey and his cop buddy (Ed Lauter) wander the streets randomly shooting – and never missing – a gallery of gang members who unwisely choose the tops of buildings and fire escapes as their vantage point.
TOP HOMOEROTIC MOMENT: Not much of that here, although Bronson and Lauter obviously have mutual affection for the way they murder people willy-nilly.
THIS is who should get top billing…
FEMALE EXPLOITATION: Well, er, a woman is brutally raped and beaten, she later dies from her wounds. Um, not the kind’ve exploitation we’d like to be talking about here.
TOP DIALOGUE: When a punk nods off while his buddies are savagely attacking an old man, his comrade says to him: “Hey! Stay awake while we kill this guy.” (I swear to you this is done without irony.)
DRINKING GAME: Chug every time Bronson mutters a line without inflection or anything resembling human emotion. You’ll be drunk off your f*cking ass.
TRIVIA: The screenwriter, Don Jakoby, also wrote, among other things, JOHN CARPENTER’S VAMPIRES, ARACHNOPHOBIA, and LIFEFORCE.
The movie was originally rated “X.”
They made a motherf*ckin’ video game out of it! Don’t believe me? Look below!
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