RA: The Hitman

Last Updated on July 26, 2021

THE HITMAN (1991)

Rating: 2 on 4 /

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Tag Line: He’s so far undercover he may never get back.


Directed by Aaaron Norris
Starring Chuck Norris, Michael Parks, Alberta Watson

THE PLAN:Allegedly killed by his partner, a mullet-sporting ex-cop Chuck Norris is working deep cover for the government in attempts to take down mobsters in Seattle. But when competing Islamic mobsters arrive with Chuck’s ex-partner as their ring leader, things get personal. Chuck Norris in “badass” shotgun mode ensues.

THE KILL: Ah, Chuck Norris. The name itself should bring a smile to your face, as the Chuck Norris Facts that have taken over the Internet and the bookstores are freakin’ hilarious. You know the man, and now it’s time to learn about the myth–how did Chuck Norris become this iconic action hero? Because of movies like THE HITMAN, that’s how.

In THE HITMAN, Chuck stars as an undercover operative posing as a hitman for the mob. To prove he’s badass, he doesn’t mind blowing away other mobsters with his concealed sawed-off shotgun, nor does he feel any remorse for sleeping with the mob-bosses special lady friend. See, because Chuck just doesn’t give a f*ck, and that’s the appeal of THE HITMAN. He also dresses all in black and rocks a f*ckin’ kick-ass mullet, so you know he means business (a mullet, by definition, is business in front and party in the back).

Is that a gun, or are you just happy to see me?

It’s not all fun and games though, as the action isn’t really that awesome, and there’s only a few really notable scenes that will have you rooting for more. That said, there’s the signature Chuck Norris round-house kick, a few hefty gun fights, and a few random kills that make this an entertaining enough ride, especially if you dig seeing Chuck do his thing. This is nowhere near the epic level of INVASION U.S.A., or even THE DELTA FORCE, but it does supply some awesome Chuck Norris fodder to add to your Chuck Norris database.

One attributing factor that makes this one-step above total trash is Michael Parks, Chuck’s ex-partner and attempted murderer. Parks has since rocked greater roles in KILL BILL and GRINDHOUSE, and his wise-crackin’ character here provides some of the best lines in the movie. Hell, the opening dialog between him and Chuck is pretty classic and will have you rollin’ when he utters lines like “I’m so goddamn horny I could f*ck mud.” That’s another cool thing about this flick that you don’t always see in Chuck Norris action movies–the ridiculous amount of swearing! Seriously, they cuss a lot here, more than you’d probably expect from the guy who gave us SIDE KICKS and WALKER, TEXAS RANGER.

Unknown fact: Chuck Norris also auditioned for the role of the T-800 in TERMINATOR 2.

THE HITMAN may have been Chuck’s most badass role ever, if Chuck’s soft side wasn’t revealed. But he ends up showing his compassionate side as he teaches the neighbor kid karate and how to fight back. Of course, it does eventually pay off when Chuck beats up the local bully’s dad, and when Parks blows the kid up to get even with Chuck (don’t worry folks, he survives.. barely). But karate lessons? Really? How can I take Chuck as a badass when he’s giving kids karate lessons in his living room? Yeah, the guy wears black and he doesn’t flinch when it comes to blowing away bad guys, but you throw in the softer side, and all those badass qualities fly out the window.

When all is said and done though, Chuck takes out a hefty 13 people, spouts out a couple of quirky one-liners, and the film doesn’t flinch when it comes to the exploding blood packs. The smokey-jazz inspired soundtrack was a bit odd for a movie like this, but we are talkin’ about the tail-end of true 80s action before it went the way of the 90s, so I’ll cut it some slack. If all you need to hear is that Chuck Norris has a mullet and a shotgun, then this ride is for you. Sure, it had the potential to be so much more, but… it’s a perfect example of how Chuck Norris became the legend he is today.

Teaser Trailer for THE HITMAN!

TOP DEATH: Chuck hangs Parks outside a window, tied to a chair, and strapped full of dynamite. Let’s just say this ends with explosive results.

TOP ACTION SCENE: Chuck visits a few of the Islamic mobsters at their favorite restaurant. After giving them a speech, and insulting their food and their culture, he smashes a dudes head in, roundhouse kicks another, breaks a wrist, throws a bell, and blows an a-hole away with his trusty shotgun (see clip below).

TOP HOMOEROTIC MOMENT: Chuck goes shirtless a few times, and he definitely has love for the 13 year old neighbor boy, but I can’t say there’s anything homo going on here. Chuck doesn’t really have the acting chops to pull that off.

A hitman… with a heart of gold.

FEMALE EXPLOITATION: There’s a belly dancer with nice cleavage in one scene, but that’s about it. If you blink, you may just miss it.

TOP LINE/DIALOGUE:
Chuck: Mr Lacambe has sent me to tell you… camel jockeys… that if you fuck with him… he’s gonna cut off your balls and stick ’em up your ass…
[tastes some of there food and spits it out, washes his fingers in the main terrorist’s drink]
Chuck: You actually eat this shit…?
Mobster: [angry] You’re a dead man…
Chuck: [smirking] I’m not afraid to die… are you?
Mobster: [angry] No… Allah protects us…
Chuck: [smiling almost laughing] Well, in that case… this shouldn’t hurt…
[slams his head into the table]

Chuck Norris: Man of Action.

DRINKING GAME: Every time an F bomb is dropped, you gotta drink!

TRIVIA:
Director (and Chuck’s brother ) Aaron Norris also directed BRADDOCK: MISSIN IN ACTION III, DELTA FORCE 2, SIDE KICKS, HELLBOUND, TOP DOG, and a few episodes of WALKER, TEXAS RANGER.!

Classic scene from THE HITMAN. Don’t f*ck with Chuck.

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