I’m starting to see a pattern within myself with these editorials that I randomly write for the site. Every time I geek-out hardcore on something in my personal life, boom, it winds up as an editorial on the site. It makes sense if ya think about it. If one writes about something they are passionate about; the write-up has more chances to be solid and fun. So guess what I’ve been killing these days? The OG STAR TREK! Yup, I got sick for a week a while back and started watching them to keep me occupied while bed ridden. After I got healthy again, cracker was hooked and I have been watching every episode of the old TV Show in order since (am at the end of Season 2 now). Why? Cause am freaking loving them! That’s why!
The first two seasons were quality Sci Fi! Well written, amusing and acted to a T. If memory serves me right, the third season slipped but was still amusing. Am digging these on so many levels right now! So good it’s good, so good it’s ahead of its time, so dated it’s funny, and in terms of the third season, I know I will get some so bad its good loving. But what does that have to do with this damn editorial? Well through my trip aboard the USS Enterprise; I noticed that the series often took from horror to spin its tales (it sure helped that genre writers like Richard Matheson and Robert Bloch were often behind the episodes). “Fascinating” as Mr. Spock would say. So with that, here are the 10 Star trek episodes (in no particular order) that I found to be the creepiest! Whip out your communicators and BEAM UP WITH ME!
WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW AND THEN SOME!
OBSESSION – Stardate 3619.2
“Monsters come in many forms. You know the greatest monster of them all, Jim? Guilt.” – Dr. McCoy
SYNOPSIS: The Enterprise crew comes phaser to head with a vampire cloud on Argus X and Kirk (driven by past demons) don”t give a f*ck. He’ll cloud that cloud to oblivion at all costs!
WHY CREEPY: OBSESSION was a mix of THE FOG, a VAMPIRE opus and MOBY DICK. How’s that for a mix! The crew of the Enterprise has to deal with a thick fog that rolls on in, pollutes its prey and then sucks it dry of its red blood cells. Basically my Ex GF if she was a cloud. Yup, a vampire fog bitches! You don’t hear that one everyday. What about the Moby Dick parallels? Well Captain “suck in that gut mofo” Kirk has encountered that pesky cloud of smoke before; it once wiped out a crew he was part of when younger. So now, he’s obsessed in nipping that fucko in the bud, and his single minded goal teeters on the line of endangering his ship/crew, and jeopardizing an urgent mission (getting medical supplies to to Theta VI). All that in the name of revenge and finding redemption. FANBOY NITPICKING NOTE: Why not just beam those supplies to that planet and let Kirk do his cloud battling thing? END OF NOTE. This episode not only delivered the spooks with that silent, blood sucking, man killing cloud, it also brought in the human drama in spades (Kirk’s obsession, a potential mutiny, Kirk projecting his inner demons on another crew member. Solid all around!
THE LIGHTS OF ZETAR – Stardate 5725.3
“When a man of Scotty’s years falls in love, the loneliness of his life is suddenly revealed to him. His whole heart once throbbed only to the ship’s engines. He could talk only to the ship. Now he can see nothing but the woman.” – Kirk’s Log
Synopsis: Lieutenant Romaine gets possessed by a green light i.e. alien life form on the Memory Alpha planet and that ailment winds up giving the crew of the Enterprise a hard time… possessed women…sheesh!
Why Creepy:THE LIGHTS OF ZETAR pulled a THE EXORCIST on our star-asses as it used the horror device of possession to drive its story. But we’re not talking ghosts or demons here; we’re yapping a body-less alien life form (that comes off as an LSD inspired blinking light show…far out dude) doing the body snatching doo. On top of that that big Scottish lug Scotty romanced the dame and in a rare occasion was somewhat the center of the story. Kind of refreshing as we’re usually treated to Kirk pawing the alien bitch of the week (nothing wrong with that btw). This one was spooky, driven by characters hence affecting and staying true to its horror inspiration; it put out a Star-Trek-ish take on a standard exorcism that was unique to say the least. Good stuff!
AND THE CHILDREN SHALL LEAD – Stardate: 5029.5.
“Without followers, evil cannot spread.” -Spock
Synopis: A group of kids, controlled by some chubby evil alien dude, have killed their parents and now they wanna take over the Enterprise. To that Kirk and Spock say: NO DICE!
Why creepy: This one was CHILDREN OF THE CORN through and through (its original Airdate was October 11, 1968). And it was aired BEFORE Stephen King’s short story saw life on the page (it was published in March 1977) hence it is possible that STAR TREK did it first (depending as to when King wrote his story). In Corn, kids killed the adults in their lives, pushed by some evil demon. Here, same shit, kids have nixed out the grown ups, influenced by some evil alien (a fat, transparent dude that goes by the name of Gorgon). The only difference was that here the kids had psychic powers (used annoyingly by pumping their fist, man that got on my nerves) and were able to mind control the grown ups. Kids in general give me the willies (unless I know them personally), so evil kids with a taste for murder? Forget about it! Thank God that Spock was in the house to put that nerve-pinch to good use.
THE ENEMY WITHIN – Stardate 1672.1.
“You’re too beautiful to ignore. Too much woman. We’ve both been…pretending too long.” – Evil Kirk
Synopsis: Captain Kirk is split in two cause of a transporter malfunction. You got good Kirk losing his balls and bad Kirk causing a ruckus on the ship. Who will be the one and only Kirk? BOTH!
Why creepy: What’s better than one Captain Kirk as played by William Shatner? Two Captain Kirks as played by William Shatner. And what’s even better than that? Two POLAR OPPOSITE Captain Kirks i.e. The Shat going all out acting wise one way and another. And yes that equals good times to me. The Enemy Within (written by I Am Legend scribe Richard Matheson) is one of my favorite Star Trek episodes period. I just always have a blast with it! Horror wise, this one was definitely a take on the JEKYLL AND HIDE thing with evil Kirk being mucho entertaining to watch. He boozes hard, assaults crewmen on a whim, tries to sexually assault Yeoman Rand and when he yells out “I’M CAPTAIN KIRK!” with eyes bulging out and sweat pouring off him (see here)… I FREAKING CRACKED THE F*CK UP! Much like the original JEKYLL AND HIDE story; this episode explored the duality of man and in this case went as far as to say that both “good and evil are needed, as they make us whole. Very groovy episode and somewhat thought provoking too. SOLD! PS: I dare ya not spit out your rum and coke when this sucka pops up and starts barking…
WHAT ARE LITTLE GIRLS MADE OF – Stardate: 2712.4
“A thing is not a woman.” – Korby
Synopsis: The crew of the Enterprise find long lost archaeologist Dr. Roger Korby on some planet. They also find out that he’s been replacing peeps with robots. A man’s gotta have hobbies yo!
Why creepy: This Star Trek episode (written by the man behind PSYCHO; Robert Bloch) echoed THE STEPFORD WIVES in its “replacing humans with androids” motif. It also tossed a pinch of BLADE RUNNER in there with the whole “Android beginning to feel” spiel. I half expected somebody to name drop “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep” in a dialogue exchange at some point…it never happened…it should have. On the fun times level; this one was packed! I mean it had the tall and menacing Android Ruk (played by Ted Cassidy, yes Lurch in Addams Family), sex-bot-pot Andrea (Sherry Jackson) in a pretty revealing costume (note to self: make girl wear that get-up – nail in ass), and we were also treated with yet another doubling of Captain Kirk (was it in Shatner’s contract to have him act with himself every 5 shows…hey…all good… I love it). As a bonus this was also the episode that found Kirk holding a huge penis rock. And you bet he used that rock-dong as a weapon, smacking a baddie in the freaking face with it! Dig in!
GET THE OG STAR TREK SERIES ON BLU RAY HERE!
PART 2 OF THIS PIECE BEAMING UP SOON!
BTW: AM SO GETTING THIS FOR MY MAN-CAVE 🙂
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