This story might constitute as TMI for some, but as it happens, I can relate to what I’m about to share all too well. While appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote his upcoming Pixar film Toy Story 5, Tom Hanks, who plays Sheriff Woody in the beloved animated franchise, revealed that he, Martin Short, and Steve Martin compete to see who can avoid going to the bathroom the longest at their colonoscopy parties.
According to Hanks, the trio schedules their colonoscopies together, and on the night before the big exam, they see who can hold off from using the toilet the longest.
What is a colonoscopy?
If you don’t know what a colonoscopy is, allow me to explain, as I have an intimate history with the procedure. A colonoscopy is an outpatient procedure where a doctor uses a flexible tube with a camera (a colonoscope) to examine the lining of your large intestine (rectum and colon). Full disclosure, I have Crohn’s disease, and have been getting colonoscopies since I was 15, almost annually.
The night before the procedure, the prep involves drinking a nasty-tasting solution that “cleans you out.” The process begins with a bubble in your gut, but before long, it becomes a literal shit show as you poop yourself into oblivion. You’re not allowed to eat for nearly 24 hours, and by the time you arrive at your appointment (hopefully you catch an early morning spot), you’re positively starving.
Thankfully, the doctors put you out for the procedure, though I’ve heard tales of people ignoring the option for anesthesia. These people are crazy. Honestly, it’s not the worst thing in the world, and that nap you get while the doctors perform the procedure is some of the best sleep you’ll have as a busy adult.
Hanks on his colonoscopy parties with Short and Martin
“About every five years that magic date comes around and we get together and eat clear Jell-O and compete as to who is gonna be able to be the last one to go to the bathroom,” Hanks told host Jimmy Kimmel. “And it is mano a mano, man.”
After Hanks’ reveal, he asked the audience if anyone had had the procedure.
“So you know what it’s like!” he remarked when a few individuals applauded. “You take this stuff that induces the sluice mechanism to get that whole digestive system clean.” Then Hanks added, “We’re all just fighting and playing cards, because the first one to go gets the last choice of when you go in to get the colonoscopy,” he said. “The last one to go gets a choice. So everybody then is like, ‘No, I’m… I gotta go!’ And then you go and you can’t hold it.”
Who can last the longest?
Hanks then said that, while most would expect Steve Martin to last the longest, he is typically the one to win the game. “I have a colon of iron,” Hanks proudly exclaimed.
Damn! How do I get an invite to one of these parties? I bet I could outlast all three of them! I have a strange relationship with the prep. It doesn’t hit me for at least a few hours before it’s suddenly game time. Even then, it’s a bit of a crap shoot. Hey-o!
Anyway, now that you know more about me, Hanks, Short, and Martin than you ever cared to, make sure you ask your doctor when you should start getting (or have your next) colonoscopy. All joking aside, it could save your life. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
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