Not many folks are too thrilled when they bite the big one (if you’re looking forward to it then get help), but the reality is that human life is fragile and can end in a multitude of ways. And just by the law of averages, a lot of those deaths are going to take place on Halloween.
So, if you absolutely, positively have to die on All Hallows Eve, what’s the best way to go? Now I’m not counting peacefully in your sleep or while banging a supermodel as answers because we’re looking for options that are seasonally appropriate AND within the realm of possibility.
What makes the grade is the kinda death that makes up for how much it sucks that it happened at all, by creating a “Holy shite that’s kinda cool” reaction when people see you died of that on or about October 31st.
And I’d love to hear how you want to go out if it has to happen this time of year!
I think it’s a given that just a regular old drunken tragedy won’t suffice here. We need a legit, honest-to-God demonic possession of an automobile. Or at least some asshole who’s so high/buzzed that they believe themselves to be under the influence of the devil or one of his minions. It’s lot of stipulations which is why it’s so low on the list.
There’re a lot of ways for this violent choke to go down, and mis-handled erotic asphyxiation does count as long as your partner is also wearing some type of fetish gear. Otherwise, no go. The other, more common way to get there is a good ole fashioned prank malfunction. You want to scare the shite out of your friends so you set up a fake hangin’ scene featuring you as the star. One oops later and you’ve made the list!
Truthfully this should have been bleed to death, but the RIA legend has been around so long, and is so awesome that it deserves its own mention. Is it possible that someone could even die from this? The evidence makes it seem unlikely, since it has been tried (along with other sharp implements), and rarely has anything but a minor injury ensued. To some degree that would make a death from it all the more notable. You’d personally fulfill an urban legend. Live to dream compadres.
With its solid connection to the Salem Witch trials, death by fire is a totally legit way to kick the bucket this hallowed season. Luckily it’s not nearly as tough to pull off as you might think. Copious amounts of alcohol and drugs, mixed with lots of smoking and impaired judgment sets up all sorts of opportunities. Women have a slight advantage since they’re more likely to have long hair (an excellent kindling substitute), but any one with enough clumsiness and bad luck can stumble into this demise.
Don’t let the fact that Parker Brothers released a Ouija board make you any less open to this subtle and creepy way to go. The most direct manner is the standard scared to death line, and ties specifically into a very non-standard story my mother told me about her own experience with a Ouija board. It should be noted this is the most down-to-earth, logical, reasonable woman I’ve ever met. The story was simple, “It worked, and it knew things no one could have known. Besides, it didn’t matter – I was alone.” It was clear to me that it was not a positive experience. Had she been less sensible, who knows, the Ouija just might have been the end of her.
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