Cutie Honey (2004)
Director: Hideaki Anno
Hairi Katagiri/Gold Claw
Eisuke Sasai/Sister Jill
When peace reigns, hot-to-trot female android Honey Kisaragy (Satoh) is a temp at an office. But when trouble’s afoot, she eats lots of Sushi, touches the heart-shaped button on her fly choker and transforms into Cutie Honey...a spandex-whoring, cleavage bobbling, super babe that fights evil with her martial arts skills, her loving nature and her fine ass! When our gal’s uncle gets kidnapped by the semi-cross-dressing Panther Claw gang, Cutie hawks up her panties and aims to save the day!
"HONEY! FLASH!" --- Cutie Honey
"Cutie Honey" is a live action flick based on Japanese “Go Nagai’s” famous 70’s comic book and animated series of the same name. I’m delighted to say that this flick effortlessly carved a big smile on my face with its razor sharp dagger of wit, action, sexiness, humor and outrageousness. To be honest, I had never heard of “Cutie” before, but now that I’ve witnessed the power of “Honey” firsthand, I might just pack up the “Rambo” knife and go hunting for everything that is this dame. I think I’m in lust!
What is a “Cutie Honey”, grandpa Arrow? Think a mix of "Charlie’s Angels" (movies), "Austin Powers" and "Power Rangers", but on hallucinogenic substances. Yes, this movie played with a full deck with its first high card being “Cutie Honey” herself essayed by the adorable and beyond-sexy Eriko Satoh. The blend of naïve, childlike and hands-down cutesy behavior that the actress put out, won me over in a boner beat! What a cutie pie! Furthermore, let’s face it...the lady looked like a million bucks and change! Those plump lips, the big breasts, that firm derriere that you want to bounce nickels off! What’s not to love? And being that she fared very well physically as an action hero when it came to kicking butt, solidified my love for the girl fully. Any chick that does the splits on the ground in tiny undies IS ALL GOOD IN MY BOOK OF HOT TIMES!
The film itself never quit bombarding me with all kinds of eye-popping, candy-coated fun stuff! I’m talking an attractive 70’s/kitsch like feel, zany directing, fly tacky music, extravagant action sequences, explosions galore, ingenious fisticuffs and a distinctive use of animation within the live action (loved it during the action bits). When the Honey wasn’t doing that sugary jive to a T, it was tossing my way a slew of hilarious yet freaky “Power Rangers”-like villains (Cobalt Claw, the Elastic- vamp -Cat woman rocked!), groovy musical numbers, some tender moments and a quirky sense of humor that oiled everything down with class. And did I mention that Cutie Honey’s heart-shaped buttocks had me transfixed to the screen like a virgin discovering the bra/underwear section in a Sears catalogue for the first time? Yes? No? Well, just in case I didn't...here I go again! YOU SEE THE BUMPER ON THAT PINTO? DAMN!
On the empty side of the padded bra, the movie started with such a huge bang that when it kicked into “character development” and “relationship exploration” mode, it kind of slowed down. Granted, I was still engaged by the interactions and the hi-jinx at hand (that karaoke scene was great!), but the pace seemed a tad sluggish in contrast. I also wasn’t too keen on the overly sentimental “talkie to death” final confrontation that went down. I felt that high-powered kicks and deadly punches would’ve been a more suitable way to nix the main villain, but hey...that's just my honey-ass talking!
Overall though, "Cutie Honey" was a wild and intentionally campy ride through LSD, big-breasted, hot buns and Karate-chops land. I derived so much enjoyment from this silly movie and damn, it should be said again…did you see the posterior on that creature? GOOD GOLLY, MISS MOLLY! CUTIE HONEY ROCKED MY ROCKS!
There was no gore whatsoever. The film was cleaner than a deloused streetwalker! But we did get safe, yet amusing, Manga-like violence.
Eriko Satoh (Cutie) displayed a playful quality that charmed the shite out of me. Her tight body also helped. The girl was pure gold! Hairi Katagiri (Gold Claw) hammed it up as the oddball scoundrel. Eisuke Sasai (Sister Jill) scared the crap out of me as the he-she-what main baddie. Mikako Ichikawa (Natsuko) played her stuck-up role with conviction and was adorable in a tough way. Take off the glasses and you get…a hot broad! Jun Murakami (Seiji) fared fine in his “I have to find the girl behind the Honey” role.
T & A
See Cutie Honey’s cleavage leap out of her bra, see Cutie Honey in her undies, see her bend over throughout the film to show us the 8th wonder of the world which is her unequalled great freakin' behind. All that was missing was a sign above her beautiful buttocks that read: “Insert Here”. I loved it! That ass and I are now joined for life!
Think McG (what a pretentious name!), but with more flair in terms of innovative shots, a firmer handle on actors and campiness. The fight sequences, in particular, so bowled me over here! They were filmed with high energy and via unique angles. Now that’s what I’m talking about!
The childish/commercial-like jingle that acted as Cutie’s theme tripped me out! The score was also decent.
Charlie’s Angels? PACK UP YOUR BAGS! YOU’RE USED UP AND FINISHED! There’s a new girl in town and she’s called “CUTIE HONEY”! Granted, this flamboyant, campy buzz slowed down during its middle section, but all the sweeter-than-sweet bonbon that was shoved down my throat throughout more than made up for that. I highly recommend you taste this Honey: it’s trippy, sexy, funny, highly resourceful and did I mention Cutie’s fine-wine-ass? Yes? No? Well, I just did again! Do you, Arrow, take “Cutie Honey” to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to spank, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to spank some more 'till death do you part? I FREAKING DO!
Eriko Satoh is 5’8” and was born in Tokyo, Japan in December of 1981. She also recently announced her marriage to horror film critic John Fallon. They’ll be wed in a hut, butt naked on the Island of Maui. The priest on hand will be no other than Mickey Rourke.