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They're Hungry. You're Dinner.
FINALLY! I’ve been waiting to see FEAST for what feels like 3 lifetimes (in one of them I was Jack the Ripper)! I so boogied to the trailers and was pissed at Dimension Films for giving it the “dumpskie” treatment (bitchslap limited release). So was it worth the clawing at one’s skin in anticipation till blood was shed in a tea cup for impending guests? YES! YES! YES! (NOTE: That’s what my last date said...when I finally left her house...lol!)
Now this is my kind of horror shin-digs. Funnily enough (not funny ha ha, funny meh) I loved this puppy for the same reason lots of mainstream reviewers loathed it with a passion. Here’s a quote from James Berardinelli for example who gave it ZERO stars: The plot couldn't be more straightforward: a group of ne'er-do-wells become trapped in an isolated bar trying to keep a group of monsters on the outside from getting inside. That's it. That's the entire movie. There's certainly nothing in the premise to tickle the intellect. To that I say: “What the heck is wrong with that?” I l so appreciated that the premise here was simpler than cherry pie on a Sunday morning. It was established and it then acted as a starter pistol for the FFS (fun f*cking stuff) to begin. Nope my intellect wasn’t stimulated (didn’t expect it to be, it’s an action packed monster movie) but my “fuck yeah” button and my gore nerves were definitely tickled and pleasantly destroyed.
Much like a dame off a street corner whom you pay small bills to in order to get favors of a more intimate nature, FEAST aimed to gratify horror fans, that was its agenda and in my book it succeeded and then some. First off, it was funny as shite with groovy dialogue, priceless self aware bits, sly plays on genre conventions and a witty use of freeze frames/music/character descriptions hitting the screen. Gore wise, this sucka suckered me up with ALL KINDS of gnarly howlers that I DID write home to my mom about…just to keep her in the know, as she should be. Then we had the monsters (designed and played by Gary J. Tunnicliffe) so coming through! I saw enough of them for me to know to be afraid and not enough of them to keep me on the edge of my edge suspense wise. Dip all of that horror goodness into a cauldron of tight acting (for the most part), a sweet unpredictable nature as to its body count, moments of inspired macabre creativeness (Was that two monsters going at it doggy-style? YOU BET IT WAS!) and an endearingly action driven nature and you get the answer as to why this lady is a tramp!
On the slim negative, some of the characters were interchangeable as they looked alike and weren’t developed enough; hence it was hard for my simple brain to make out who was who at times. I could’ve gone without the over-use of shaky cam & cocaine fueled editing as well but that was a small price to pay for the sloppy goodies this one tossed my way. And what was up with the great Clu Gulager (Bartender) being under-used when it came to one-liners? The man's comic delivery is second to none; he needed WAYYYY more quips! When all was chewed, spit out, inhaled and puked out again though, FEAST was a monster mash that had me by the hacky-sack the whole way. It’s not a character study or even that original but within the zippy-paced, overtly gruesome and fun f*cking times boxing ring it was fighting in, this one was an Ivan Drago! FEAST MUST BREAK YOU!