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ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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Paranormal Activity 4(2012)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost

Starring:
Katie Featherston/Katie
Kathryn Newton/Alex
Brady Allen/Robbie
Matt Shively/Ben
2 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
A woman (Katie Featherston) and her weird kid (Brady Allen) move in across the street from a family. Weird shit starts to happen in said family’s house.
THE LOWDOWN

WARNING: Lots of cussing and minor spoilers below.

All right before I get to the killing, here’s where I stand with this franchise. I liked Part 1, hated Part 2 and liked Part 3 (notice I said LIKED not loved). Being that this new instalment was directed by the same cats (Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman) that did Part 3, I was hoping for the best and boy did I get THE WORSE. So shall we proceed with the evisceration of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4? I’m going to try to make this brief, cause this TRASH already stole too much time from my lowly existence. So! Let’s play a game! A game called WHY THE F*CK!

WHY THE F*CK are these kids filming every single thing they do before the spooky shit even happens. I mean a soccer game, I buy it, but once in the house? All the time? Come on! In the other films, they at least tried to justify WHY cameras were rolling, in this one they didn’t even make an effort. It made no sense, was not realistic for a second and it made me groan constantly.

NOBODY films themselves to this degree unless they have a camera SHOVED UP THEIR ASS! So in short, right off the bat the flick lost all credibility with me. It asked me to suspend, the suspension of suspension of suspension of disbelief and I told it to shove it. Without a sturdy base to build on, it made what followed even harder to swallow for me.

WHY THE F*CK did this flick keep to the same beats and structure throughout, thinking that would interest me? I get it, camera's on, 10 seconds of dead time, something makes a loud noise, falls or swipes by the camera (none of it scary btw), rinse and repeat. Really? Is that it man? Is that all you got? The same impotent shit over and over and over again? Talk about padding a flimsy story! NOTE: Being that laptops were the main cameras that meant mucho static shots as opposed to over the shoulder stuff i.e. it get boring and repetetive fast!

NOTE: I loved that house cat in the film.


WHY THE F*CK  you gonna set up “surveillance” cameras via laptops early on to then conveniently NOT watch the footage when shite gets really heavy? Or ya know, use it to convince non believers that something is wrong? Oh yeah cause it's convenient for this 15 minute movie in terms of content to stretch out to an hour and a half! GOT IT!

WHY THE F*CK are you not turning on the lights when something spooky is going on? Drop the laptop switch on the bulb and THEN explore. MORON! And why you still holding the laptop when you just hung up on Skype? Who's filming you then? Oh yeah! Nobody! Sigh...

NOTE: That cat knows what it knows, it ain’t no fool. I wonder what was going through its mind?

WHY THE F*CK does nobody listen to each other in this family? Oh yeah, I forgot, cause AGAIN it's convenient for this 15 minute flick in terms of content to stretch out to an hour and a half! Silly me...

WHY THE F*CK is the husband NOT ALLOWED to be downstairs late at night? Mind your business! He’s a grown man!

Here’s a curve ball. HOW THE F*CK can "somebody" be dragged out a room by a ghost empty handed, to then suddenly appear outside with a laptop or camera in his/her hands (via POV shot)? How did he/she escape the ghost? Where did the camera come from? Talk about shoddy editing in terms of keeping to a smooth and coherent narrative progression. The flick did that a couple of times: somebody leaves the scene empty handed, CUT TO, next thing you know we’re on their POV through a camera…WHERE DID THOSE CAMERAS COME FROM?

WHY THE F*CK was the story no thicker than an initial premise jolted down on a napkin corner and why were all the scares limp and stale? Maybe the cat knows…

NOTE: Speaking of that cat, its performance was very endearing and it upstaged the bulk of the movie. I want to own that cat, I want to give it a home and I want to care for it. It survived being in this SHIT, hence It’s a cat I RESPECT! I’ll call it Dux!

With that stabbed, chopped up and shoved down the garbage disposal… the acting by all was on the money (Kathryn Newton, Stephen Dunham and Brady Allen in particular owned it), the sly night vision trick (via an XBOX Kinect) would have been really cool in a good movie and the last 10 minute or so did have some effective spooky moments. But other than that, this dull, slap dash, suspense-less and uninspired product was a new low for this franchise. See Sinister instead this weekend!

GORE
There were 22 tiles on the ceiling of the theatre from where I was sitting. And 9 speakers on the right hand side wall from the ground up to my seat.
T & A
Katie Featherston still has a nice rack. She should let it out sometimes, give it some air.
BOTTOM LINE
Half-assed, redundant, clunky, generic whilst giving suspension of disbelief an all new definition, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 was a chore to sit through. It was boring, NOT scary AT ALL, boring, redundant, I think I’m being redundant now, boring, the cat rocked! Acting was competent, the night vision idea was a clever one and the last 10 minutes had their moments, but the rest BLEW CHUNKS!. It's been eons since I wanted to walk out of a movie theatre; this one did that to me 25 minutes in. Congrats! Off to watch HELLBOUND: HELLRAISER 2 to wash the filth this POSEUR horror flick left in my grey matter. NOTE: I wonder where that cat is right now? What’s it eating? Does it have water? Is it happy? If you know, e-mail me: [email protected]
BULL'S EYE
Stephen Dunham who played the father in the film died at 48 years old in September 2012. So young! RIP.

Alisha Boe and Tommy Miranda are credited in the movie but not in the movie. Cutting room floor I guess!
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