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Snakes on a Plane (2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: David R. Ellis

Starring:
Samuel L. Jackson/Flynn
Julianna Margulies/Claire
Nathan Phillips/Sean
Rachel Blanchard/Mercedes
7 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
A slew of poisonous snakes are dumped on a plane by a vengeful mobster in the name of nixing out a witness. Will eternal badass Sam Jackson and the plane's passengers/crew take out the slithery bastards and survive the turbulent flight?
THE LOWDOWN

You know all those security scenarios we ran? Well I'm smack in the middle of one we didn't think of. – Flynn

WARNING: In celebration of this film, I will use the word “motherf*cking” as much as I can in this review. People expecting good writing are strongly advised to not read this drivel.

I loved the B Movie title/premise, Sam Jackson starring in it and the fact that after the online fans demanded it, the filmmakers went back to the flick and shot added edgy footage to reach an R Rating (instead of the initial PG 13). You gotta respect that! On the flipside, the trailers and clips that I witnessed afterwards left me colder than a cherry Mr. Freeze trapped in an ice box for centuries. So it was with ho-hum expectations that I slithered in the theatre to see this mofo. I’m happy to report that Snakes on a Plane delivered the motherf*cking goods that I was looking for!

Under the firm motherf*cking hand of rollercoaster-ride conductor David R Ellis, Snakes on Plane flew by entertainingly swiftly for the most part, while pulling off its tricky juggling act of “straight thriller” and “high budgeted cheesy horror film” admirably. On one end, I definitely got what I’d expect from a film called “Snakes on a Plane”. All kinds of insane/brutal snake attacks, (sometimes within smutty situations no less), efficient boo scares (My bum was sore after this flick!), sweet female ta-tas, potent suspense and side-splitting motherf*cking lines/scenes The further the flick went with its wacky horror scenarios, the harder I giggled. I didn’t expect to laugh this much!

Although somewhat weaker and definitely by the motherf*cking numbers within the thriller subgenre, the “straight” elements also came through more often than none, with the numerous “passengers vs. mishaps on the plane” set pieces keeping me on the edge of my motherf*cking seat. Acting wise, the bang on cast was on the motherf*cking ball, making their on paper “type characters” human enough for me to give a damn, especially in a film of this ilk. I cared for them as they lived and cheered when they died! You cant go wrong with that combo! Finally the visuals effects succeeded in keeping me in the world of the film (even when the snakes were obviously CG) and got the intended reaction out of  me.

Unfortunately, this poisonous varmint did lose some of its bite when it was covering the FBI on the ground subplot. It didn’t bring much to the proceedings, wasn’t too enthralling and felt mostly there to have something to cut away to. The flick also kind of slowed down at about the hour mark for like 15 minutes. Not too big of a deal since it never got boring but it needed to be said.   Then there was the insert of Jackson yelling "I want these motherf*cking snakes off this motherf*cking plane" looking so “tacked on” (which it was). But the motive behind it (doing it for the fans) made me forgive that. Finally, I wanted more motherf*cking Sam Jackson battling the motherf*cking snakes! Was it me or wasn't there enough of that?

At the end of the rattle, I snaked to this film as it constricted me throughout, gave me countless chuckles, zany frights and motherf*cking crazy snakes on a motherf*cking plane. Can’t go wrong with that! Switch off your brain, you won't need it and motherf*cking enjoy!

GORE
Let the snake mayhem begin! We get all kind of nasty snake bites (a chick's nipple and some guy's dick even get it), a snake burying itself in an eyeball, mangled up corpses, gross snake bite effects on humans, some blood, a snake gobbling some dude's head and a high heel stuck in one's neck. Gory/brutal enough to please this twat!
ACTING
Samuel L. Jackson (Flynn) did what he does best, talk shit like he means it and take names. I just wish he would've been more in the film doing it. Julianna Margulies (Claire) had the looks and the chops to make her part stand out. Nathan Phillips (Sean) was credible and likeable. Rachel Blanchard (Mercedes) played the same part she tackled in the Clueless TV show. Hey! She's good at it. Lin Shaye (Grace) is always a treat, solid on all counts. Sunny Mabrey (Tiffany) looked yummy-liscious while Kenan Thompson (Troy) was mucho funny when given the chance to be. David Koechner (Rick) was hilarious as the macho prick. Dad? Was that you?
T & A
Thankfully the "x" was put in "exploitation" as dames in bikinis and a big pair of oh so squeezable jugs surface. The ladies get some cut dudes shirtless. Everybody gets their flesh intake, everybody is happy!
DIRECTING
As per his prior flicks Ellis sure knew how to take the audience for a pulse pounding ride here. On the move, stylish (loved the snakes POV shots), tension laced and well executed, Snakes on Plane had its bases covered.
SOUNDTRACK
We get a couple of "chill" songs and an adequate "action" score. Nothing stand out or distracting.
BOTTOM LINE
It's Passenger 57 meets Anaconda! Snakes on a Plane hit my Fun F*cking Stuff spot! Dirty sex, nasty violence, asinine yet amusing scenarios, slick scares,Sam “cussing” Jackson, a strong cast and so horny they're angry motherf*cking snakes tearing up a motherf*cking plane. That’s what they promised and that’s what I got!

Sure the movie did lose some of its pizzazz at some point, didn’t have enough Sam Jackson doing his thing for my taste and didn’t always fully nail what it was aiming for but that didn’t tarnish my wrestling match with this python. Now, you gonna take this motherf*cking "Big budget - B Movie" flight or what?
BULL'S EYE
Samuel L. Jackson signed on to do the film solely because of its title. When the title was chnaged to "Pacific Air Flight 121", Jackson had them change it back.

Director David R. Ellis is a surfer in real life (great man), which explains all the surfing bits in the film.

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12:09PM on 08/24/2006

AWESOME

This movie was a wild fun ride. If you haven't seen Snakes yet, go see this now!!!
This movie was a wild fun ride. If you haven't seen Snakes yet, go see this now!!!
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