Live-Action Barbie

At this point you just have throw up your arms and say oh why the f*ck not! Besides, when you think of it, it’s kind of obvious, really. Why come up with new and unoriginal ways to tell tweens that happiness is being tall, slim, blonde and dumb when the perfect package for that has been lying around living rooms for decades?

Universal inked a deal with Mattel to have another of their “classic” toy lines made into a live-action movie, the 50+ years old Barbie doll, under the guise of producer Laurence Mark. Someone over there figured that the doll’s recent army of CGI direct-to-DVD “films” is just one jug of a much fatter cash cow.

Mattel high ranking figure Richard Dickson displayed caution when the deal was announced, even though Uni wants to cash in quickly. “The utmost concern is to make sure every detail is right,” Dickson said. “Rather than a timetable, I’m more interested in making sure we deliver the right product.” The right product. It’s almost awe-inspiring to see someone honest enough as to call the f*cking thing for what it is, and not try to shove some artistic pretension down our throat while laughing their way into pre-teen  wallets.