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Live-Action Barbie

Sep. 24, 2009by: Tony Lang

     What happens in the toy chest while little girls are sleeping...

At this point you just have throw up your arms and say oh why the f*ck not! Besides, when you think of it, it's kind of obvious, really. Why come up with new and unoriginal ways to tell tweens that happiness is being tall, slim, blonde and dumb when the perfect package for that has been lying around living rooms for decades?

Universal inked a deal with Mattel to have another of their "classic" toy lines made into a live-action movie, the 50+ years old Barbie doll, under the guise of producer Laurence Mark. Someone over there figured that the doll's recent army of CGI direct-to-DVD "films" is just one jug of a much fatter cash cow.

Mattel high ranking figure Richard Dickson displayed caution when the deal was announced, even though Uni wants to cash in quickly. “The utmost concern is to make sure every detail is right,” Dickson said. “Rather than a timetable, I’m more interested in making sure we deliver the right product.” The right product. It's almost awe-inspiring to see someone honest enough as to call the f*cking thing for what it is, and not try to shove some artistic pretension down our throat while laughing their way into pre-teen  wallets.

Extra Tidbit: Barbie's called it quits with Ken recently. I hope they patch things up. If plastic f*cking dolls can't make it, who can?
Source: Variety

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6:08PM on 09/24/2009
wow,another thing i will go out of my way to never see and pretend never existed. cant they give the money to some first time directors and get some original interesting films made? there HAS to be something better!!!
wow,another thing i will go out of my way to never see and pretend never existed. cant they give the money to some first time directors and get some original interesting films made? there HAS to be something better!!!
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4:29PM on 09/24/2009
Didn't they kinda do this already with Legally Blonde?
Didn't they kinda do this already with Legally Blonde?
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+0
1:34PM on 09/24/2009
Alyson Michalka, the girl already looks like a living Barbie doll.
Alyson Michalka, the girl already looks like a living Barbie doll.
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+0
11:56AM on 09/24/2009
Use Kristen Wiig. If anyone has seen her SNL skit, you'll know why. Plus, I think a little satire goes a long way (Toy Story, Shrek)
Use Kristen Wiig. If anyone has seen her SNL skit, you'll know why. Plus, I think a little satire goes a long way (Toy Story, Shrek)
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10:43AM on 09/24/2009

It's About Frickin' Time

I can't believe there were plans for a Viewmaster film before a Barbie film.
I can't believe there were plans for a Viewmaster film before a Barbie film.
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10:14AM on 09/24/2009

Ewwww!

Round up the Hanna Montana bunch before they hit puberty we got us a cash cow!
Round up the Hanna Montana bunch before they hit puberty we got us a cash cow!
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6:29AM on 09/24/2009

Ugh

The only way to improve those direct-to-DVD CGI films is to burn every copy, along with the people who greenlit them.

Pixar's "interview" with Ken for Toy Story 3 is freakin' hilarious, though.
The only way to improve those direct-to-DVD CGI films is to burn every copy, along with the people who greenlit them.

Pixar's "interview" with Ken for Toy Story 3 is freakin' hilarious, though.
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3:49AM on 09/24/2009

My Casting choice

It's a 50 year old Doll. I'd go for Meryl Streep as Barbie...
It's a 50 year old Doll. I'd go for Meryl Streep as Barbie...
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2:16AM on 09/24/2009

And Barbie is.....

going to be played by Jessica Simpson.
going to be played by Jessica Simpson.
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2:15AM on 09/24/2009
Will this be a long the lines of terrible like the Bratz film?
Will this be a long the lines of terrible like the Bratz film?
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