Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Robert De Niro!
Jul. 30, 2012
The Defendant
Robert De Niro
The Case
The Prosecution: New Year's Eve, Analyze That, Showtime, The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, Godsend, Meet the Fockers, Little Fockers, Righteous Kill.*
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, it is not so easy for the prosecution to bring Mr. Robert De Niro to trial. But due to Mr. De Niro's selection of movies over the past couple of years, the prosecution feels the need to step in before things get worse. We understand that Mr. De Niro is worthy of knighthood at this point and sure, the man has created some great performances but is that enough to absolve him from starring in a bunch of shit heaps recently? A look at his Rotten Tomatoes page shows the man has contributed to 26 movies in the past 10 years and only 7 of those movies have a fresh rating. That's.....a percentange.....that is not good. Look, the prosecution doesn't handle math problems, only Movie Jail cases.
The Defense: Everything from 1973 to 1998.*
Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, are you fucking kidding me? According to Movie Jail Warden, Jim Law, Mr. De Niro has created the single greatest performance ever committed to film. Oh, you don't like that one? Talk to my friend Travis Bickle, and once he's done shooting you in the face (and you survive....just go with it), maybe you'd like to talk to this guy , this guy, this guy or this fucking guy. Aww, whassamattawitchyou? Too much of a tough guy? Too one note for the jury? How about if Bobby De Niro (we get to call him Bobby) does a 180 on dat ass and gives you some serious performances like Leonard Lowe in Awakenings, or the hilariousRupert fucking Pupkin in The King of Comedy. It's absurd for the court to hear the reasons why Mr. De Niro should be found Not Guilty, and frankly, it's embarrassing as well. No I don't have pants on. Whatever. The defense rests.
IN CLOSING...
So, what’s to be done with Mr. Robert De Niro? It is an undeniable fact that Mr. De Niro has created some of the most memorable performance in the history of "moving pictures", but does that make up for the lackluster decade and a half? And the most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into consideration, we ask you The Jury, is Robert De Niro GUILTY or NOT GUILTY? Let’s hear YOUR arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.
*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so relax.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
It is the jury's decision that after reviewing last week's evidence, the court finds Mr. Eddie Murphy GUILTY of charges against the movie going community. Due to the possibility of Mr. Murphy shelling out a solid R rated movie, he is sentenced to at least 10 years or to be given at least 3 movies to free him from Movie Jail. In the event Mr. Murphy shits down our throats again upon his release, the court will have no choice but to give him a life sentence without parole. This court will not fall for the banana in the tailpipe again.
| Extra Tidbit: | Who Should Take the Stand Next? Strike Back Below! |
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| Source: | JoBlo.com |
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Not Guilty
Not guilty and the prosecution should be charged with perjury.
Not guilty and the prosecution should be charged with perjury.
what the fuck...
Although he deserves it...
Not Guilty
extra tidbit: throw sean connery in that jailhouse. hes the most overrated piece of crap ever!
extra tidbit: throw sean connery in that jailhouse. hes the most overrated piece of crap ever!
Not Guilty. Neeeext...!
Not Guilty. Neeeext...!
Not guilty
Tidbit: Vince Vaughn
Tidbit: Vince Vaughn
NOT GUILTY
EXTRA TIDBIT: Tim Burton or M. Night Shamalaladingdong
EXTRA TIDBIT: Tim Burton or M. Night Shamalaladingdong
Preposterous.
For shame.
For shame.
Not Guilty
Not guilty by reason of legacy
-Christian Bale
Let DeNiro pay the bills and take good roles when they come along ("The Irishman," maybe?).
-Christian Bale
Let DeNiro pay the bills and take good roles when they come along ("The Irishman," maybe?).
What's the matter with you?
Lifetime Get-out-of-jail-free card.
Lifetime Get-out-of-jail-free card.
Not Guilty!
Extra Tidbit: Jennifer Aniston
Not Guilty!
Guilty...
Extra tidbit... Tim Burton.
Extra tidbit... Tim Burton.
Not Guilty!
Not Guilty!
No fucking way.
ON PROBATION
Tidbit: Bruce Willis. I can't name a memorable role since Sin City. And almost half his movies since then have been DTV or a movie where he does a self parody of himself. And the others consist of Cop Out and Surrogates. ugh
Tidbit: Bruce Willis. I can't name a memorable role since Sin City. And almost half his movies since then have been DTV or a movie where he does a self parody of himself. And the others consist of Cop Out and Surrogates. ugh
Not guilty
Extra Tidbit: M. Night Shyamalan!
Extra Tidbit: M. Night Shyamalan!
Time served
Time served
Guilty
Somebody earlier brought up Nicholson and Pacino. I think all three of these actors were great but now all of them seem to play caricatures of themselves.
I don't think any of them are too far gone, they just need to mix it up. Do something completely out of left field. They need to
Somebody earlier brought up Nicholson and Pacino. I think all three of these actors were great but now all of them seem to play caricatures of themselves.
I don't think any of them are too far gone, they just need to mix it up. Do something completely out of left field. They need to leave their comfort zones again...
That's just this guy's opinion though.
acquited
Not guilty
Not Guilty
guilty
Re: Tidbit
The Joe Paterno of Movies
@extra tidbit
btw did the mole on De Niro's face move between the 1st and 2nd pic?
btw did the mole on De Niro's face move between the 1st and 2nd pic?
Not guilty