JCVD vs. Seagal?!

By Eric Walkuski

Posted 19 years ago

Last Updated on July 27, 2021

This might seem a strange story for us, but attentive readers know we’re kinda 80s and 90s action-crazy around here, so this project set off a siren in my head and here is is for you to devour. According to Moviehole, there’s a flick being prepped called VAN DAMME VS. SEAGAL, and it’s pretty much what it sounds like. Here’s the synopsis they give: “Van Damme vs. Seagal” is a spoof comedy making fun of action heroes Van Damme and Seagal, both living in the Hollywood hills jealously trying to make each others’ life miserable – until a real nuclear threat arises and forces them to combine their action hero powers. I swear that Seagal and “Thunderbox” had better provide the soundtrack…

SPAWN and FRANKENFISH director Mark A.Z. Dippé has signed on to direct (for some reason, the site refers to him as NIPPE). Moviehole speculates that it won’t ACTUALLY be Van Damme and Seagal playing themselves in the movie, but what exactly would be the point if that turns out to be the case? It MUST be them! And if they do sign on, then watch out world, because the greatest goddamned movie of all time is about to get made!

About the Author

Eric Walkuski

Film Critic

10,340 Articles Published

Favorite Movies: Jaws, Star Wars Trilogy, Aliens, Citizen Kane, The Third Man, Dawn read more of the Dead ('78), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre ('74), Fargo, Miller's Crossing, Reservoir Dogs, The Manchurian Candidate ('62), Taxi Driver, Back to the Future, Stand by Me, Shaun of the Dead, Boogie Nights, La Dolce Vita, 12 Angry Men, The Birds, Touch of Evil

Likes: Film, Beer (who the hell DOESN'T around here?!), writing, NY Mets, read more The Jets, Girls who love film AND beer (at the same time), Jazz, Deadwood, The Wire, The Office, The Twilight Zone, Cormac McCarthy, Graham Greene, Stephen King, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Scorsese, Spielberg, Halloween season, Marvel movies, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Ash vs Evil Dead, Game of Thrones, Edgar Allen Poe, Mother Nature

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