SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO
Rating: 3 on 4/Buy the DVD Here
Tagline: One’s a warrior. One’s a wise guy. They’re two L.A. cops going after a gang of drug lords. Feet first.
Directed by Mark L. Lester
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brandon Lee, Tia Carrere, Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa
THE PLAN: Two detectives are on the case of a Japanese crime boss who’s drugging up the streets of L.A. and shaking down little old ladies. As they attempt to help a woman who knows too much (Tia Carrere) they engage in snappy
banter that masks their true feelings for each other. Namely, man-love!
THE KILL: Every buddy action movie has a delicate balance on its hands as it deals with the homoerotic subtext inherent in the situation: two guys fighting along side each other, depending on each other, arguing like an old married couple. It goes with the territory (look no further than TANGO & CASH).
That said, no movie that I can think of lays it all on the table quite the way SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO does – a movie that would feel like a parody of the genre if it didn’t seem as in the closet as one of its main characters. I can just imagine the lead actors watching the film for the first time and being shocked at how dialogue like “Out of the frying pan and boned up the ass with a red hot poker” sounds out loud.
Lundgren plays Kenner, an American with distinct knowledge of Japanese culture, and the villainous criminal factions that reside within it, like the “Iron Claw,” a rather nasty chapter of the Yakuza that killed his family while he was a child (and of course haunts his dreams). Lee is Johnny Murata, an American-born, half-Japanese goofball who is ignorant of the “culture” Kenner’s so immersed in. Is it irony we’re supposed to be feeling while Kenner constantly schools Murata on the ins and outs of Japanese customs and practices? I guess. Mostly I felt like getting drunk.
The TRAILER!
These two are apparently so reviled within their own departments that no other detectives want to work with them – adding to the feeling of destiny at play in their love stor- ahem – partnership. They seem like nice enough guys, so I guess it’s their tendancy to kick the shit out of whoever’s standing nearby that makes them particularly unpopular (in the LAPD no less!)
Anyway, the story is fairly standard: After the two have “met cute” during a
beat-down Kenner is throwing some pushy Yakuza, they discover they’re now partners investigating an evil
crime boss who is importing drugs in beer bottles or something cool like that. You know he’s evil because he’s played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa – the go-to Asian bad guy in movies. This dude is so bad, he chops off a chick’s head while bonin’ her – and he doesn’t even finish first! Talk about committed to being an asshole!
“Why don’t I get any romantic comedies?!”
Meanwhile Murata is constantly making professions of man-love toward Kenner that are shrouded in sarcasm, and Kenner grudgingly accepts (actually, not so grudgingly). I wouldn’t mock Lee’s character if he were portrayed as actually being gay, but the film inserts more than a few scenes where he expresses his interest in women.
So when the many odd moments of his admiration for Dolph as a physical specimen pop up throughout, complete with an allusion to having watched Lundgren strip, there’s no choice but to declare this flick a camp classic that ought to be playing midnight shows around the country, while costumed participants shout out many of the gut-busting one-liners.
I’ll be perfectly honest, neither Lundgren nor Lee are bad actors – in this film or in general. And as you may have surmised, SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO is a grand old time – especially at a freakishly short 78 minutes. The action is adequate, although nothing revolutionary for the genre, and Carrere provides welcome eye candy – but honestly even Bea Arthur in a bikini would have been a welcome distraction after watching topless Dolph for over half the film’s running time.
Yeah, I’m sure they’re HATING this…
TOP DEATH: An incarcerated prisoner commits suicide by snapping his own neck! So much easier to slit your wrists on the edge of the desk, dude…
TOP ACTION: Prolonged fisticuffs inside a bathhouse involving many half-naked men grabbing and rolling all over each other (cuz why should we stop with the main theme now?).
FEMALE EXPLOITATION: Lundgren and Lee visit the greatest club ever, where the sushi is eaten off of naked women, Tia Carrere sings “Slow Hand”, and the ballet that is female wrestling takes place… In another, truly remarkable scene, Tia’s body-double can be ogled at from the neck down while making love to Lundgren in a scene that runs way under a single minute. And this isn’t a montage, folks: the film is legitimately implying that the passion lasts about 20 seconds. Got to give a movie originality points for completely de-balling its hero.
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Did you read any of the above? The movie’s gayer than Nathan Lane’s underwear!
Good God man, do I have to choose?!
Police Captain addressing Lundgren and Lee: “Let me get this straight Kenner, you lost all of your suspects because you two were too busy whacking on each other, right?”
Lee to Lundgren: “We’re gonna nail this guy. And when we’re done, we’re gonna go eat fish off those naked chicks!”
“Ow man! F*ck!” – A biker’s reaction to having his hand chopped off.
“You have the right to be ” – Lee to a baddie right before actually fulfilling his promise and him dead…
DRINKING GAME:
Director Mark L. Lester had previously directed FIRESTARTER and COMMANDO. He’s still churning them out, although now they’re along the lines of PTERODACTYL.
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