Hey kids, here to bring you your daily remake-news update. This edition features J.S. Cardone talking about his STEPFATHER remake. Settle down, settle down.
Now Mr. Cardone, how are things progressing on your “highly anticipated” STEPFATHER update?
Cardone: “We’re just finishing the development on THE STEPFATHER remake.”
Fascinating. It’s going to be tough replacing Terry O’Quinn though, isn’t it? I mean, his performance is legendary – it’s as if we won’t even be able to forget it, no matter who fills in for him…
Cardone: “Terry was terrific. Some interesting names have come up, but in this day and age everyone wants someone with name value. The thing that worked for me with THE STEPFATHER was that Terry didn’t have name value; he really came from nowhere and did an awesome job in that film.”
You know who I would like to see star in the remake? James Belushi. No no, hear me out. You look at Jim and all you see is a hefty-bag of pork rinds and cupcakes. But that’s who it usually turns out to be – these guys who look like your neighbors. He’d be so unassuming, no one would see it coming! Whattaya say?
“If you know the John List story—this is a guy who killed his entire family and waited for his kids to come home from school, and then shot and beat them to death. So we’re going back to the source; it will be really dark.”
Ummm… riiiiiiiight. I guess no dice. Okay then, go ahead and cast Sean Bean. You’re going to, anyway…
Well that’s all for now, kids. Maybe Mr. Cardone will be nice enough to join us again, where hopefully he’ll fill us in on his PROM NIGHT remake… I’ve got an idea, why don’t you make a list of movies he can remake? From ALLIGATOR to ZOMBIE, I want every single horror movie on there that needs a fresh coat of paint!
Special thank you to Fangoria, for allowing me to fake like I was talking to Mr. Cardone.
The quotes were real, my questions weren’t : )
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