Best 2007: JoBlo.com!!

BEST FILM THAT NO ONE SAW

ZODIAC – How does a serial killer
film directed by David Fincher not become one of the biggest hits of the
year? Furthermore, how does a David Fincher serial killer film that’s also
one of the best-reviewed films of the year not blow up the box office? More
people saw EPIC MOVIE than ZODIAC. More people saw FREEDOM WRITERS than
ZODIAC!!

WORST FILM THAT EVERYONE SAW

SPIDER-MAN 3 – I was tempted to
list WILD HOGS as the winner in this category but then I realized that
SPIDER-MAN 3 made $200 million more than WILD HOGS. So I think
literally everyone saw SPIDER-MAN 3. And those people should be asking for
their money back. Here’s a movie that was coming off one of the best
superhero movies of all time, starring a character (Venom) that fanboys drool over and
it’s a slow, bloated, disappointing mess.

BEST POSTER

HAROLD AND KUMAR 2 – Anytime you
put Neil Patrick Harris on a unicorn for your teaser poster, you win this award
hands down. It’s such an inside joke, I can only imagine what people
who’ve never seen HAROLD AND KUMAR are thinking when they see it hanging in
their theater lobby. Classic.

Runners Up – STRANGERS, 300, INDIANA JONES 4

BIGGEST LET DOWN

SMOKIN’ ACES – A film that promised
to kick my ass three ways from Sunday actually wound up putting me to
sleep. The trailers and cast made it look like it’d be more fun than a box
of kittens but instead it bordered on the ridiculous. Joe Carnahan’s a
very talented guy so I know he’ll bounce back but SMOKIN’ was anything but.

MOST UNNECESSARY REMAKE

THE HITCHER – You’ve seen it before
– a gritty classic horror movie remade by Michael Bay’s production company with
a music video director. It didn’t work for TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and it
didn’t work for THE HITCHER. HALLOWEEN didn’t work for me but at least it tried
to do something new. This just sat there and made me wish I took the bus
instead of hitching a ride in this jalopy.

BEST “UNDER THE
INFLUENCE” MOVIE

HOT ROD – In a summer that saw
Apatow comedies ruling with an iron fist, HOT ROD struggled to find an audience
(only $13 million). But now on DVD, it can be appreciated for what it is – a
completely ridiculously funny movie to watch after imbibing in whatever it is
you like to imbibe in. And that makes watching a Grilled Cheese sandwich fight a taco absolutely hilarious.

BIGGEST SURPRISE

The Affleck Family – Who would’ve
guessed the Afflecks would have had such a stellar year? What with Casey
turning in not one but TWO amazing performances (GONE BABY GONE and THE
ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES) and Ben making an impressive directorial debut
(also on GONE), the Afflecks are 2007’s true power couple. Just call them
Basey.

MOST DESERVING SUCCESS

Amy Adams – Last year she was the
person we wanted more of. This year we got it via ENCHANTED. She was
a star in the making after her Oscar-nominated performance in JUNEBUG and now,
on the way to a second straight Oscar nomination, a star is born. She can
sing, act, dance and make my lower half tingle. Did I just say that?…

SNAKES ON A PLANE AWARD

GRINDHOUSE – Just like last year’s SNAKES ON A PLANE,
GRINDHOUSE had an awesome premise and a huge amount of buzz on the web.
Apparently web buzz doesn’t always translate into people actually going to see
your movie as GRINDHOUSE opened in 4th place and wound up not making as much
money as MR. WOODCOCK (and who the hell saw that movie in
theaters?).

BEST MOVIE QUOTE

“This is SPARTA!” (300) –
It was immediately iconic, perhaps in a way the creators never intended.
The best movie quotes aren’t forced, they happen naturally and connect with an
audience. Such was the case with Gerard Butler’s shout that was featured
in the trailers for 300 and helped get everyone fired up for the film. It
should also be noted that King Leonidas likes red sauce on PASTA!

WORST MOVIE QUOTE

“Yippie Ki-Yay MuthaBLAMBLAM”
(LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD) – I was tempted to go with “I AM
BEOWULF!” for its blatant ripoff of the best quote of the year or with
Julia Roberts going “CHAHH-LIE!” from that CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
commercial cause it drives me f*cking nuts. But in the end, the edited
Yippie line cause so much controversy it had to be the top pick. It even
cause Bruce Willis to say he was unhappy the film was headed for a PG-13 (a
statement he quickly retracted. In sanitizing one of the all-time classic
bad-ass lines for a kiddie audience, Fox and LIVE FREE get the WORST MOVIE QUOTE
award.

BEST MOVIE THAT NEVER WAS

BAIOWULF – C’mon Zemeckis! If
you really want to update a classic, cast the star of “Charles In
Charge” and “Joanie Loves Chachi!”

TOP 5 MOVIES THAT SOUND LIKE
PORNOS

5. ARE WE DONE YET?
4. BECAUSE I SAID SO
3. WILD HOGS
2. IN THE LAND OF WOMEN
1. SHOOTER

TOP 5 PORNO TITLES BASED ON
2007 MOVIES

5. CHARLIE WILSON’S WHORE
4. 28 F*CKS LATER
3. THE NUMBER 69
2. DADDY GAY CAMP
1. NO C*NTY FOR OLD MEN

TOP 5 UNDERRATED MOVIES

5. 1408
4. DISTURBIA
3. DEATH SENTENCE
2. VACANCY
1. THE DARJEELING LIMITED

TOP 5 SIGNS OF THE
APOCALYPSE

5. STOMP THE YARD
4. FEEL THE NOIZE
3. BRATZ: THE MOVIE
2. CODE NAME: THE CLEANER
1. WHO’S YOUR CADDY?