IESB has posted a script review for the yes-it’s-really-f*ckin-happening remake of THE BIRDS from Platinum Dunes, and while it’s technically “positive,” there’s very little to actually like about it.
Written by Juliet Snowden and Stiles White – who you probably don’t want to remember wrote ’05’s BOOGEYMAN – the update takes place not in Bodega Bay, CA, but in TEXAS (because, I’ll assume, Michael Bay wants to use connections he made while shooting TCM and TCM: THE BEGINNING there). The lead is not an uppity socialite known for skinny-dipping in fountains and following strangers to their homes, but a single mom with two kids and an old mother living in stereotypical redneck squalor (maybe Rob Zombie’s the man for the job).
The reviewer doesn’t go into too much detail regarding the bird attacks – but he does say there’s a long buildup, a crashing helicopter, too many bird p.o.v.’s, and a pretty good ending. All this is moot in my opinion, because honestly, have you seen THE AMITYVILLE HORROR? THE HITCHER? These guys are hacks, plain and simple. I have zero hope for this remake: I don’t care who becomes attached, don’t care how cool the teaser posters will be, don’t care how many glossy, red-tinged, car-commercial dolly shots there are (cuz you just know the eventual director’s resume will be chock-full of GMC and Budweiser ads) – this movie is a terrible idea and the very definition of the bankrupt creative process that Hollywood is currently suffering from.
(In case you couldn’t notice, I’m a pretty big BIRDS fan.)
Naomi Watts has been rumored to be the lead… I’m a fan of hers, too.
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