Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Stephen T. Kay

Barry Watson/Tim
Emily Deschanel/Kate
Lucy Lawless
Tory Mussett/Jessica
5 10
Tim’s (Watson) father was “monster-napped” when he was a kid by the beast in his closet. Now a young adult, he goes back to his childhood home to face the CG evil within. What’s his plan of attack you may ask? Well, he slowly opens a closet door, after closet door, after closet door, after…clo…Zzzzzzzz
Ghost House Pictures produced this? The Evil Dead dudes (Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert)? Did they even read the “had to be written on a used tissue” outline (no, not screenplay) before green-lighting it? SHEESH! I am now officially way past worried about the planned The Evil Dead remake!

Add another watered down horror fart to the list of “used to be R” but was snipped to PG-13 by greedy suits in the name of mass teeny consumption. I was this close to not reviewing this cut to wait for the “R” version on DVD where I like to judge a film in the form it was initially meant to be seen. But as you can read, I cracked-snappled-popped and here I am, wasting some keyboard strokes on this “safe” lay. It’s a low down dirty shame that they shaved this bitch down, because if there’s one freaking horror movie that would’ve needed some major blood shed and big, fat, silicone filled tits to add flavor to the morbid party, it would’ve been this one. Now, I will admit that the fast-food genre buff side of me did get a couple of easy, yummy bites out of this drivel sandwich. I so grooved to the visceral prologue (what an opener), relished in the constant dread filled mood (loved the exteriors), was impressed by the tense "tub scene" and dug the top notch turn by Barry Watson. Alas the goodies in tow failed to change the fact that Boogeyman just wasn't a full fledge film; think an hour and a half trailer instead.

My main hitch with this closet hopper was without a doubt the sloppy and lazy execution of the emaciated storyline. Can you spell half baked, undercooked and throwaway? Somebody behind this film sure can! If there was at one point a complete screenplay tagged to this flash-dancer; it got lost in the editing room! You see, once the promising premise was set-up, the narrative basically went nowhere with it. The plot/subplots were never explored at a satisfactory length, the side characters/relationships were dental floss thin, the villain’s “who”, “why” and “how” were feebly communicated while the slap-dash plot turns kicked in with low to zero impact. To make matters worse, the "f*ck the story" approach resulted in the middle section of the film being a tad tedious and redundant to sit through... since...well... nothing REALLY happened apart from lots of dicking around! The most that I got out of it was: “Quick Zoom In”, he/she opens a closet door slowly, a LOUD violin sound erupts, no monster or monster pops out. Yup! I often gazed at my used up sneakers, pondering on buying a new pair or not.

And since this boogey was so damn hollow they over-padded its skeleton with all kinds of audio/visual assaults, for better and for worse. The heavy handed directing which was akin to Sam Raimi on cocaine was granted, often pleasant to the eye in an "OUUUU" kind of way, but for the love of wanting to be immersed by a movie...TAKE IT EASY MAN! May I please have the leisure to process the happenings, to see what's going on or feel some freaking tension? I guess not...pass the butter. The grand collection of BOO SCARES worked their shift in overtime as well. This movie was all about that jive, in places for the right reasons and often enough, for no reasons whatsoever. Yup I learned a valuable lesson in fear filmmaking with Boogeyman. When in doubt or in lack of a screenplay...crank up the noise real loud even if there’s zilch going down; you'll keep your audience on its toes none the less. Lastly, what was up with that poor Lawnmower Man CG knockoff animation posing as the creature? It was far from frightening and didn’t come close to living up to the creepy Production Art I had seen beforehand. I’ve owned Barbie dolls (don’t ask) that looked more menacing than this digital waste of a baddie. It’s called practical effects man! It’s under “P’! PRACTICAL! Shoddy CG will never be scary! When will they learn!

On the whole Boogeyman wound up being lots of noise and razzle-dazzle for jack-all. Yes I was still fairly interested throughout by the whole Boogeyman theme, the razor visuals and the efficient Boo scares. Unfortunately, the lack of a fleshed out screenplay and the low skills as to how to to tell a story brought this puppy down to the pound. PG-13 this beeyatches!
We get some very light blood and some crappy CGI. There’s basically no gore here.
Somebody buy Barry Watson (Tim) a beer for carrying this slim fast shake admirably. He was one of the main reasons I kept watching. Emily Deschanel (Kate) did what she was asked to do, like show up on set, not much of a part. Lucy Lawless (Mary) was in the film? Don’t blink man! Tory Mussett (Jessica) played a rich, semi-selfish, Paris Hilton wannabee socialite. She must have played the role well because I wanted to crack her skull at frame 2. What an annoying role!
T & A
This cut showed a naked girl in a tub while revealing nothing. You see it’s all good to show the kiddies a murdering and child snatching monster but a pair of titties…THAT’S A SIN!
Kay went the Raimi on "juice" way (Was Raimi on set, looming behind his shoulder?) with crazy traveling shots, super slick angles, morbid mood galore and camera tricks that would put Mr. T in a tizzy (Those upside down shots rocked!). Too bad all that thick syrup couldn’t cover up the lack of a real screenplay behind it all.
The electronic score by Joseph Lo Duca rubbed me the right way; I found it quite unique and it backed up the images at hand strongly.
Boogeyman was armed with a kool premise, eye popping kinetic visuals, horror friendly ambiance and a strong lead...and then sluggishly fired blanks. The outcome; it threaded in place as opposed to moving full speed ahead, ignored its subplots and gave us no clear logic as to the madness going on or its titular monster. For the grand finale, it tossed in some dinky CG, gave us nada answers and called it a horror movie. Thank the Dolby Gods for the Boo scares! They kept me in the game! Is this it man? Is this the future of mainstream horror cinema? You dry it up, dumb it down to the point of borderline incoherence and then dip it in a super sweet candy coating? Now that’s what I call underestimating one’s audience! I say rent this one on a “dead cells” hangover weekend and watch the original Nightmare on Elm Street or Halloween if you want real “Boogeyman” genre fixes. On a positive note; I got myself new sneakers...YEEHAW!
Director Stephen T. Kay wanted the “Boogeyman” entity to be all in the lead’s mind, but test audiences said different so they slapped a CG creature in there. And it shows! You actually see the film going for the “all in his mind” thing and then it cops out. Shades of what happened on Darkness Falls.

The flick was initially rated R and was then skinned of its goods to attain a PG "we dont care about quality, we really just want to make money" 13.

The movie was shot for 20 Million…where did the money go? Not in script or CG that’s for sure!

This was shot in New Zealand and in Georgia USA