Reviews & Counting
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I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer(2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Sylvain White

Brooke Nevin/Amber Williams
Torrey DeVitto/Zoe
Seth Packard/Roger
Ben Easter/Lance
5 10
A bunch of no name teeny-boppers, bop through the motions in this lower budgeted and quasi remake of the original I Know What You Did Last Summer. Hmmm?
He’ll always f*cking know, now won't he? Yup fisherman from hell Ben Willis, who fishes for dumb teens instead of smart fish, just can’t let the death of his son go. So he’s back in hooking action (or is it him) in this straight to DVD sequel to the late 90’s “Clearasil-slasher” hits I Know What You Did Last Summer and I Still Know….f*ck the rest of that damn title. You write it! I guess the brain surgeons behind this copy/paste effort banked on the fact that it’s been 9 years since the original hence no need for a brand new script that actually takes chances or gives us something fresh. They gave us pretty much the same damn thing but with less production values and overall appeal to it. Way to go champs! That's what I call aiming high!

This crack-baby stuck so close to its forefather that I actually deduced successfully what was gonna happen next most of the way, plot turn and character kill wise. And as if to keep to the spirit of the flawed original, the peeps here were similar “types” and again did all the wrong moves, proving to us that they did IN FACT deserve a hook lodged violently, up their asses. Doozies like going for that serene night swim by yourself in an abandoned pool while knowing that a slaughterer is on your tail or insisting to sing at a concert instead of skipping town brought a beam of "you dumb f*cks" to my face. And that was just the tip of the ice pick, you dig on character stupidity in the name of getting a kill going or serving the half cocked plot? You’ll be wells spanked here! THESE PEOPLE SO DESERVED TO DIE! And I was as happy as the clown from IT when they did.

To make matters shoddier, I can’t say that the “connect the dots” relationships or the bland (for the most part) “heroes” behind them did much for me, if anything at all. In consequence tension and “rooting for the good guys” was criminally absent here. At least they had hotties with fine asses gyrating about. I cared about those with all of my dead beat heart! Which brings me to some positive stabs. "I’ll Always Know bla, bla, bla," was actually better than the micro-waved turd that was the first theatrical sequel. The pace moved at a lightning speed so I was never bored, the gory goods were ample enough and the inventive directing/seizure inducing editing made sure to keep me stimulated visually. The ephedrine style at hand actually reminded me of a low rent version of what Marcus Nispel did for the TCM remake. Yes, that’s a compliment!

Furthermore, the moody musical score was pretty damn good! Didn’t expect that at all! It definitely upped my engagement in the mundane proceedings. Finally the twist they tossed out there as to the identity of the “killer’ was granted somewhat silly, resulted in plot holes galore when looking back and mostly there to open up the door for more sequels. But simultaneously, it was kinda groovy in a Cheese Whiz way and gave the whole a new vibe (Michael Myers came to mind). All in all, you can find a hotter broad to bang than this suspense-less, out of the mold, sub par clone to I Know What You Did Last Summer, but she’s not a worthless skank either. She’s kind of dumb fun for what she is, specially when on all fours. You gonna chew on this fish stick or let her chew on yours? NOTE: I have no idea what that latter statement means, but it made sense 2 seconds ago when I wrote it so its staying in…lol!
We get two impalings and lots of hooks in flesh (neck, stomach, mouth). It hit my spot!
Brooke Nevin (Amber Williams) was a worthy successor to Jennifer Love Big Tits. Credible, focused and hotter than a rack of baby back ribs on the grill. Torrey DeVitto (Zoe) was decent as the “Sarah Michelle Gellar’ role of the film, her good looks impressed me more than her acting though. Seth Packard (Roger) played the Ryan Philippe character; he did fine, I just loathed the part and he didn’t have Philippe’s charisma to wash it down. Ben Easter (Lance) was the Freddy Prinze of the movie, again, the lad was decent but the role was “meh” to say the least.
T & A
We’re treated to a Brooke Nevin bra shot…TEASE! The ladies get some shirtless beefcake, caking around.
Sylvain White showcased lots of pizzazz behind the camera with creative shots, grittiness galore and potent dread filled mood. I dug his establishing shots and scene transitions big time. Too bad the suspense was nil and that there were way to many spastic editing tricks during the scares scenes (making them not scary).
The score by Justin Caine Burnett was on the money! Atmospheric and somber, it often jacked up my interest in the film’s happenings. PROPS! We also get a couple of disposable rock ditties.
Apart from being a very tedious title to type; I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer was a standard straight to DVD sequel as it shamelessly emulated the original, sported zero tension and didn't care about its characters or if its plot held up in a court of law. With that yammered, it did left- hook harder then the norm when it came to its superior visuals, editing, score and flow and was kinda amusing for the horror slut-hut that it was. Result: It’s a TV Dinner! It looks appealing, smells yummy and tastes average all the way through. But once you'll be done with it, you’ll evacuate it within 15 minutes and forget all about it just like that. No…I mean…LIKE THAT!
The flick was was announced in the year 2000. It was supposed to be a theatrical and see the return of the surviving lead cast. They sat on it for too long, scrapped the script, wrote a new one, took the low budget path and sent it straight to DVD instead.

Hewitt was rumored to have a cameo in this sequel at some point, it didn't happen.