Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
The Devil Inside(2012)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: William Brent Bell

Fernanda Andrade/Isabella
Simon Quarterman/Ben
Evan Helmuth/David
Ionut Grama/Michael
4 10
Chick’s mom (Suzan Crowley) killed peeps while being exorcised years ago. Chick (Fernanda Andrade) goes to nut house in Rome to figure out what’s up with Mommy. Maverick priests and possession shenanigans ensues.
You know what’s worse than seeing a weak-tit flick in the cinemas? Seeing a weak-tit flick in the cinemas with a loud and obnoxious audience who are there for free and don’t give a shit about watching a movie. Now if it’s a cinematic boobs/blood party like Piranha 3D, I‘ll endure it, but a low key affair like THE DEVIL INSIDE? AT ALL! They really spat on my night. So yeah amidst the “way too low” sound they had at the movie theatre and the forever snickering, coughing, giggling, noise making, get up, sit down, get up, sit down audience I was stuck with, here’s what I managed to get out of THE DEVIL INSIDE.

It sucked. End of opinion. I wish. F*ck I wish. This movie wasted enough of my time already so I will try to make this drivel short cause I want to put it behind me and move on to more important things, like mastering whacking off with my left hand. The good? The initial premise had potential, the mockumentory direction by William Brent Bell pulled off being credible, not too shaky and atmospheric. I also dug how he shot the only “stunt heavy” scene in the movie. Pretty eye popping! Actors Fernanda Andrade, Simon Quarterman and Suzan Crowley shined the most here. They did what they could with what they were given and from this a-holes perspective were the main reason this was half way watchable. Then we had the Rome locations, which upped the film’s production values and lent some validity to the piece. Finally, we got maybe two or three efficient “jump” bits, nothing to write home about though.

The bad? It established a solid base and then ran away from it. Should have stuck with the Rossi mom thing as the focal point of the story instead of going the silly way they went. And yup, it’s hard to get scared when the film makes you laugh at it, especially when the whole the thing is already non-frightening to begin with. Suspension of disbelief was through the roof too. I mean it was ludicrous! Bumbling cops, duh nuthouse workers, stupid character reactions to dire incidents (hey he was stressed out, that’s why he almost “xxxxx”)… the works! The film was also plagued by shoddy acting by lots of its secondary cast (note to actor: if you don’t smoke, don’t pretend to smoke in a movie, it looks silly), scenes of horror that were way too swift to have an impact, an undercooked subplot (Ben's thing) and worse of all, where the f*ck was the ending?

Seriously, last time I felt this jipped was when I got a lap dance at some strip club and the chick kept her top on…how does that work? Just when The Devil Inside was done with its build up, started to feel like it was going somewhere and that the next 20 minutes or so would MAYBE give the whole a purpose… it ended. Lack of budget? Didn’t know how to cap it all off? I don’t give a shit. The answer wouldn’t change what I got: cock tease, brick wall, a slap in the face, a plug for a website, roll credits. What???!!! Thanks for an awful night at the movies The Devil Inside! Connect these cuts! Pooey!
We get some blood, cuts and a messy blown up head.
T & A
Do a chick’s hairy under arm pits count?
I would have gotten more out of The Devil Inside if I had watched it at home, in the dark, with no mooks around, in dead silence…I know that. But that still wouldn’t have changed the fact that the acting was uneven, the scares/horror on the low jive, the chain of events plot hole laced, the unintentional laughs a-plenty and the ending being a big "Ha-Ha" by Nelson Muntz . Visit the website for more? How about you give me a finished movie instead! Yeah there was still some talent here, namely the tantalizing initial premise, the able directing and Fernanda Andrade, Simon Quarterman and Suzan Crowley doing their best. But that wasn’t enough to save this one’s soul. PS: You’ve seen the red band trailer for the movie? You’ve seen the horror that’s in it. PPS: What about the true story moniker tagged to its ass? Is it real? I don't care!
William Brent Bell also wrote and directed the lousy Stay Alive (2006).

The flick was shot in Bucharest, Romania, Rome, Lazio, Italy and Vatican City.