READ PART ONE OF THIS LIST HERE
It’s that time of year again folks…and as always, leave it up to AITH to bring your ass a little yuletide-terror. Now, there’s many a worthy film in the expansive canon of Christmastime horror, so this year we thought it’d be fun to examine a specific sub-genre. However, we ain’t talking about slaughtering snowmen (JACK FROST), or psychopathic gingerbread men…nah, fuck all that! We’re not even all that interested in sleepy roadside spooksters (DEAD END, WIND CHILL) or cryptic acts of sororicide (BLACK CHRISTMAS). Nope, ladies and gentleman…this time we’re all about Sadistic Santas! Think about it. Is there a more universally beloved fictional character so perfectly ripe for horrific subversion? To morph a jolly, portly, philanthropic old man into a maniacal murder…flipping the entire mythology…a mythology largely predicated on the innocent participation of children…well, that shite’s just downright disturbing. So, under the tree below…you’ll find our Top Ten most Sadistic Santas neatly gift-wrapped. Enjoy!
WARNING: MINOR TO MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!
#5. BAD SANTA (2003)
Sure, it’s not technically a horror film, but has there ever been a more indelible depiction of Father Christmas than Billy Bob in BAD SANTA?!? Dejected, despondent, downright disgusting…Thornton sinks his teeth in the role of a besotted thief…playing a man whose spirit is so completely antithetical to that of Santa Claus…we can’t help but find it amusing. Crude, greedy and misanthropic, Thornton’s Santa may not physically kill anybody…but his verbal abuse is no less vicious. Think about that scene where he berates the hell out of that poor little kid, oh wait…there’s many of them. The man boozes, steals, treats people like shit…oh yeah, and pounds bitches in the ass in a department store fitting room. Definitely the kind of niceties you’d like to treat your kids with. Last but not least, big ups to the late John Ritter and Bernie Mac…two terrific actors who helped make the film what it is.
#4. CHRISTMAS EVIL (1980)
Buy CHRISTMAS EVIL on DVD here
Also known as YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, Lewis Jackson’s trashy low-rent chiller CHRISTMAS EVIL is a far more psychological look into the maddened mind of dress-up artist than any other on our list. When the psychic scars of a little boy seeing his mother suck-off Santa (really his dad) years later manifests into spree of homicidal murder, Kris Kringle is the guise this sicko transforms into. Far less gory and gratuitously graphic than most, CHRISTMAS EVIL is a slow-burning peek into a man’s irreparably unhinged thought process as he grows increasingly more bat-shit insane. What I particularly dig about this entry is the how affective it is without resorting to the Santa-in-a-Suit-with-a-knife formula. It’s terror isn’t solely derived from the visual juxtaposition of a Jolly Fat Man (good) carrying dangerous weaponry (evil). It’s more about this wacko’s obsessive motivation to restore the goodness of Santa’s vestige and serve all those dispirited holiday cynics a gift they’ll never forget. Literally!
#3. SANTA’S SLAY (2005)
The hyper action-star intensity Bill Goldberg brings to his turn as a psychotic Saint Nick in SANTA’S SLAY is a lot of fun to behold. Instead of a lethargic, overstuffed fat man doing the rounds…Goldberg brings his pro-wrestling bravado to the table, creating a hulking brute of a badass we haven’t really seen before in a Santa suit. Also, since the film can be construed as a quasi-lampoon, the comedic timing and over-the-top energy Goldberg adds to the proceedings is also a reason his Sadistic Santa stands out. For those who missed this relatively new release, the film pits Old Nick as a demon, who has only been doing good deeds as a result of a lost bet with an angel. Now that the bet is off, Santa can return to his wicked ways…gorily dispatching any mere mortal he deems “naughty.” It’s a short, well paced bloodbath that, in conjunction with a spate of funny cameos, really hinges on Goldberg’s menacingly charismatic performance. Watch out Rock, you may have some competition!
#2. TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972)
Buy TALES FROM THE CRYPT on DVD here
In what is no doubt the Godfather of the homicidal St. Nicholas template, Freddie Francis’ 5-part horror-show, TALES FROM THE CRYPT, remains quite a requisite holiday watch. Re-appropriated for the small-screen by Bob Zemeckis almost two decades later, Francis kicks-off his film with the segment “And All Through The House,” a truly chilling spin on the Santa Claus mythos. When a cuckolding wife decides to off her husband, only to become terrorized by a Santa costumed maniac, a really interesting moral dilemma is conjured up. Here’s a woman we should absolutely be rooting against – an unfaithful murderer – yet halfway through she becomes the victim. Depending on your own moral compass, who you then deem worthy of caring for (if either of them) vacillates between the lesser of two evils. Personally, I always end up hoping Santa in turn gives the biotch what she gave her hubby: a grisly gift of death!
#1. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984)
Buy SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT on DVD here
As far as icy-cold ruthlessness is concerned, here’s your f*ckin’ winner alright. The highly polemic 1984 film by Charles E. Sellier Jr., SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT…was so lambasted upon initial release, picketing parents and outraged critics alike would see the films box office business get murdered as brutally as the characters in the film itself. Pulled after two weeks in theaters (denied a wider platform, as planned), even Siskel and Ebert were so adamantly against this film, they thought it wise to read the credits aloud on air, repeating “Shame, Shame, Shame” after every name. Seriously. But fans of obdurate horror know what’s up…this is a lean mean piece of grue-filled pulp…and the fact the perp is meant to be a teenager only heightens the dread. Top flight fatalities, tits-on-parade, awesome music, laughable horror movie acting…and one of the best all time Sadistic Santas ever committed to celluloid. A perfect holiday cocktail!
READ PART ONE OF THIS LIST HERE
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