With the calendar year winding to a close, we can expect to find all kinds of best-of compilations and retrospective adulation (or animus) bestowed on films that were released during the last twelve months (stay tuned for Arrow’s Top Ten list). However, instead of singling out entire films, I thought it’d be fun to root through some of the best moments – specifically ones involving inventive fatality – that prominently featured in a 2010 genre film. From flicks still in theaters, to ones long since released on DVD and Blu-ray…from ferocious fish and ravenous wolves…to death-by-dick and disillusioned suicide – here now are my top ten kills of the year. Enjoy!
WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
#10. A SERBIAN FILM (Erection Through the Eye)
“Death by Fellatio!” Well, not exactly. Anyone who’s seen the highly polemic import A SERBIAN FILM will attest to it being among the foulest, most revolting pieces of pulp ever committed to celluloid. Yes, some of its content is so shockingly disturbing it’s hardly even worth repeating in print. However, there’s one particular instance in the picture that pushes the envelope to hilarious extremes. This gritty tale about the underbelly of the European porn industry features a scene where a dude stabs a person in the least likely of bodily orifices…the f*ckin’ eye socket and then skullf*cks him to death. No joke. A person gets lanced to death in the eye via erect penis! Of course, playing the scene with deadpan candor only makes us laugh at the shite all the more. Still, a highly memorable and irrefutably original cause of death!
#9. MACHETE (Torrez’s End)
Although Robert Rodriguez didn’t quite deliver what he promised in the cult-followed faux-trailer for MACHETE, he and Ethan Maniquis peppered their hyper-exploitation flick with nothing but outlandish carnage candy. Because so much blood is shed in the film, through mass-slaughters and quickly cut death sequences, it’s hard to pin down one specific kill. So consider this an honorable mention for the entire film. That being said, how can we not at least mention how gauchely entertaining the Steven Seagal/Danny Trejo showdown is at the end of the film? Wow. For those in the know not, after Machete gets tossed around a bit during a dual-sword-duel, Seagal’s Torrez gets jabbed plum in the gut. Instead of fighting back, he scoffs, claims Machete will just be waiting for him in hell…then exacts a gruesome bout of suicide, twisting the blade deeper into his own belly. Even in a supporting role, Seagal still proves he’s “hard to kill.”
#8. PREDATORS (Spinal Cord Ripped Out)
Even if, comparatively, you found Nimrod Antal’s PREDATORS to be an inferior effort to John McTiernan’s 1987 action powerhouse, there’s really no denying how impressive the aggregate tally of death knells proved to be in the redo. Explosions, impalements, bodily evisceration, PREDATORS had all of it. But if forced to single out one death, then I’m gonna have to go with Walt Goggins’ (Stans) getting his entire skull and spinal cord ripped out of his body toward the end of the picture. Ruthless and repulsive, the grue-filled kill comes on the heels of a heroic deed Stans tried to accomplish…that being to distract the predator long enough for his pals (enemies to begin with) to get the f*ck out of dodge (or at least the line of fire). They do, and as soon as Stans’ eggs the predator on…the alien beast gouges the dude’s flesh like a wet paper bag, yanking a leaky spinal cortex out of the body with little effort. Lesson learned? Never try to help a brother out!
#7. THE EXPENDABLES (Dude Shot in Half by Dolph)
Buy THE EXPENDABLES on DVD here
So the best action film of the year, be it theatrically or on DVD, was indubitably Sly Stallone’s roundup of the genre’s halcyon heroes in THE EXPENDABLES. Sure, it’s pretty bereft of story or any feasible plotline, but damn are the action set pieces and comic one-liners fun to watch. And hey, if you want bodies hitting the deck in mass quantity…this flick’s for you. Hell, even John Matrix is jealous. (Arnie, who shared a wink-wink scene with Willis and Stallone). But again, we’re all about the best of the best here (Eric Roberts reference?)…so with that in mind, how could I omit the scene where Dolph Lundgren blows some dude clean in half? At the most opportune of times, no less? Come on, you remember it…as Stallone and his band of mercenaries become outflanked, Dolph (Ivan Drago, a nice touch by Sly) clanks the ratchet and ejects the enemy’s top half across the room like a goddamn lawn dart. Radical!
#6. FROZEN (Wolf Snack Attack)
When all is said and done, FROZEN might be Adam Green’s best film. Not only is it far more solemn than his prior work (HATCHET in particular), it’s lean, suspenseful, and features fine performances by a small cast of relatively unknown young actors. Yet there’s one scene in the frigid chiller that’s right out of a f*ckin’ Fulci film, one so rad it had to make the cut of the year’s best. When one of the three skiers – stranded on a chairlift in the bitter snow – decides to freefall to the ground in hopes of finding help, the dude predictably injures himself. What we don’t see coming though? A rabid pack of wolves that close in and waste no time before gorily shredding him to pieces…intestines and membranes staining the snow a deep crimson. The way Green intercuts the savage violence with the reaction of the dude’s mates above is notable, as it nicely marries the human drama with sensationalistic. Peep the uncut version of the scene below:
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!
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