As per this previous
NEWS ITEM,
since I didn’t feel objective enough
to review ALONE IN THE DARK, I asked some of our readers to send us their
reviews of the film. Taken into account all the bad press the film has been
getting thus far, I was expecting to get the same in my Inbox. Surprisingly
enough; I got a bit of everything! Here
are 8 reviews that I picked out. Thanks to all who sent in their stuff! YOU
GUYS ROCK!
NEGATIVE:
Review By: Rodney Terrell
I really wanted to like this film. It had a great poster, decent trailer, and
,Stephen Dorff. But I found myself liking it less and less as the movie went on.
First off the opening script was just too much and I found myself already
feeling like this was a straight to video pile of junk. But enter Slater, I really
liked his character and though he brought a lot to an otherwise sad picture. The chase between him and a crazy bald guy sent me into a frenzy of laughter.
The special effects in this sequence are far from good and the over use of slow
mo just made me laugh harder.
The bullet time shot was way over done and just
felt out of place. This chase I am sorry to say this is the high point in the
film. The story, action, and acting besides Slater and Dorff are all just bad.
The story never explains itself and goes nowhere. The action is choppy and lame. And Reid just sucked. But was hot as hell. Arrow it was nice to see you on the
big screen man. I hope one day you get to do something better than this P.O.S.
That’s strike 2 for Boll and it is going to be hard to drag myself to BLOODRAYNE.
Review By: Seth A.
My experience alone, and in the dark (get it?) A bad ass
investigator, a flagrantly mad "cop" and a hot archeologist brought together by
an ancient evil sounds like sharp ingredients needed for good ‘ol visual story
tellin’ we all hunger for. So what happened? Not much, not much; people shouted,
fired heavy guns, bled, then out of the blue an ending struted on over and
kicked me in the balls. That’s it, no more, maybe less, but no more. I have a
sneaking suspicion no one really wrote this story for the screen and someone
inprovised it – badly. Who knew there would literally be a door seperating light
and darkness of this world? Not me.
I was sadly never taken on a journey. Alot of the contents was like thinking of
cool guy-action-stuff while sitting close to the edge of the couch. Although
there were those seat re-adjusting moments like an annoying strobe light
sequence, an obligatory love scene with horrid love scene music, a misfit cheesy
voice over and my egle eye did see that touch of obnoxious nuissance quick
shots, we should defenitly keep our chins up; Uwe DID NOT supplement us with his
adorable video game footage. (yay(!)). Also violence that comes in 24 by 36 feet
screens (or however big those pictures come in) is simply cool, everyone knows
it. We didn’t get truck loads of it but a noticeable tablespoon.
I don’t feel sorry because I’m asking for more especially considering the cast.
Christion Slater handled his business well along with his sweet archeologist
damsel. Stephen Dorg did his thang and got wonderfully pissed off. Fortunately
then unfortunately, Hot Tara Reid was hot, but she didn’t quite seem on the ball
this time ( acting-wise of course, not talking aesthetics). I also got irritated
of seeing the back of this cool dude’s head sitting at a computer. Whoever he
was he should’ve got more lines.
In the end it would’ve been freakin’ nice to see any kind of development whether
it be character, creature or story instead of having some dude read off the
screen in the beginning. Felt like I was getting my eyes poked every time in any
direction I tried to look to find what the hell was going on. The movie failed
to really answer the simplicity of questions including: Who the? What the? Where
in the?
and Why the F*$!? When I was done and over with the film all I really had to say
was, "Yeah, I guess so.."
Review By: Olsongus
critic from the now defunct Vlad’s Vault website
of the Dead.” Well, I can’t really do that. But on an
entertainment level, it comes close. Has Uwe Boll excelled from bad
pictures? Nope. He still has his dumb bullet-time action. Did he do
worse than his first theatrical release, “HOTD”? Nope. At least this one
tried to be entertaining and fun.
you guys. The movie is just too over-the-top and too funny for it’s own
good. If you’re looking for a good horror movie/game adaptation, wait
for DvD. If you want a comedy and to die of laughter, be my guest:
CHECK IT OUT! The special effects weren’t too bad here. Sure, they look
fake and a bit funny looking at times, but it really reminded me of a
B-movie. It was so damn fun! I dug some of the atmosphere, but I noticed
that most of the shots were just too damn dark. Let the audience see the
goods!
Which brings me to the acting! Christian Slater didn’t find his
come-back vehicle here, but he knows not to show too much personality and
delivers the action! Tara Reid reminds me of that actress from “Fear Dot
Com” (forgot the name because…..well, nothing about her was memorable,
to put it simply). The problem was Reid didn’t sound as smart as she
could have been. Our very own John Fallon had a small part in the movie
and he did a memorable job for the time being in the film. Good job,
dude. Finally, you’re not CUT! Uwe Boll has still a lot (and I do mean a
lot) to learn. He needs to learn how to control his characters and
expand more on them. I noticed that there was a pointless sex scene in
the movie with no chemistry between the characters, and then they go
on in the movie as if nothing happened. I’m not looking forward to Uwe’s next game adaptations, because let’s
face it, he’s going to over-hype and ruin them all. But, I promised a
better review for him, so that’s what I’ll give him. Not recommended
until DvD, word to the wise!
POSITIVE:
Review By: William Munny
“Alone in the Dark” is a good film, not a great one.
It is, however, a damn good time in the theater and a huge accomplishment for
Uwe Boll. There’s sure to be comparison between “AITD” and “House of the Dead”,
but that would be unfair. The difference is night and day, which is not to say
that the dialogue (or the pacing, or the believability, etc.) has improved, but
that Uwe Boll himself has refined what he does in order to do it better. This
film is bigger and infinitely improved in every way, and I couldn’t be happier
for Boll, whose enthusiasm really shines through on this one.
Christian Slater in anything rocks, but to see him buffed up and in the lead for
this one put a smile on my face. Give the man more roles! Tara Reid, on the
other hand, made my day on a whole different level, one which I will revisit
time and time again through the miracle of DVD chapter skips. No, she wasn’t
nude in this one, but I’ll be damned if all I have to remember her by
(cinematically, at least) is “American Pie”. Plainly put, Boll doesn’t deserve
what he’s taken from critics on this one. Movies should be graded on what they
set out to do, and in this case, Boll has succeeded admirably.
This is not a classic, but it’s got Slater himself,
the great Stephen Dorff (alongside the Arrow, to boot) cool creatures, plenty of
gunplay, and some awesome, drawn-out action sequences that rocked my world (the
bit with the helicopters, in particular.) I give all my best to Boll on this one
and, having seen that he’s on the right track, I am thoroughly looking forward
to “Bloodrayne”.
Review By: Seldistrum
Boll. His first was of course the zombie epic House of the Dead…(by epic
I mean piece of shit). Based on what I saw of his work on House of the Dead
I went into Alone in the Dark expecting it to be an unintentional laugh
fest. The fact that many of the reviews I’ve read for Alone called it the
worst movie of all time didn’t help to raise my expectations much either.
To my surprise though I actually found myself enjoying what I was seeing as
the film went on.
The movie started with a completely unnecessary text scroll explaining
the back story to some ancient tribe known as the Abkani, and some light and
dark world mumbo jumbo. This was so unnecessary only because most of the
dialogue in the movie involves all this…so its basically repeated over and
over. But never mind that I went to see this movie for action, monsters,
and Tara Reid and luckily for me I got all three. Unlike House…Alone in
the Dark doesn’t have video game clips edited in so it’s all ready like 300
times better then House was. Now the action in the movie, while generic,
was enough to keep me watching, and Uwe does a decent job directing it.
There is a short cab chase early on which leads to a fairly good fight
sequence that I enjoyed a great deal. As for the monsters, they were cool.
Reminded me of the monster from Relic, and the predator.
The CGI used to make them wasn’t great but it was ok…didn’t ruin the
movie for me. And yes Tara Reid was there and she was hot…that’s about it
for her. I guess if I have to be all critical I can say I can say I really
didn’t give two shits about the plot or anything…seemed like a reason to
have people shoot at monsters but whatever I was cool with it. Also there
were just a lot of cuts to characters I didn’t give a shit about…such as
that Miles guy who I believe was in House of the Dead as well. The movie
would cut back and forth between main characters and side characters I
didn’t care about…just seemed unnecessary to me. And the ending was
pretty ambiguous. This is just me nitpicking though. Now I don’t want to
make this sound like the best movie ever because it really isn’t, there are
a lot of problems that I don’t remember. But I thought it would be good to
write this review because every person in the world is spitting on this
movie, and I enjoyed it. I may not be a trained critic but I am a hardcore
horror/sci fi/ action movie fan, and I think that helped in my critique.
Acting: Christian Slater (Carnby) was good in this.
This movie isn’t going to lead to a big comeback for him but it was good to
see him on the screen again. He made a good action star. Tara Reid (Aline)
was merely ok. She looked good, but her acting isn’t great and I didn’t buy
her as a museum curator. Stephen Dorff was also pretty good here. He was
pissed off a lot, but I liked his showing. Arrow (Agent Yoneck) had like 3
lines but it was awesome to see you on the big screen dude. Your site
rocks, and your reviews are the best on the net.
impaling there, and some more surprises. Not the bloodiest movie ever, but
enough.
rated violence but PG-13 sex, what a sell out.
House of the Dead for sure. Some decent fights and chases. That bullet
shot was awesome, those kind of shot are great. Not bad Boll. People make
him sound like the Anti-Christ of directing but he really isn’t that bad.
video games, or horror avoid this movie, it won’t change your thoughts on
the genre, but if you like having fun this movie might help.
Review By:
Jonathon Knight
things-This could be worse then House of the Dead or better and I’m
going to be Alone in the theater cause i am the only one possibly seeing
this movie. Well im happy to say i thought this was WAY better then
House and the theater was packed. Unlike House of the dead, i never
played the Alone in the Dark game so i have no idea if it’s faithful but
i can say Alone is one fun action packed flick.
the story and it’s characters quickly and was glued to the screen
waiting for where it went next. I really liked Christian Slater’s
character a lot and I think it was helped by Slater’s good acting. Good
job, duder. Tara Reid was good, nothing special but good. Damn is she
hot!! Stephen Dorff is also great as the asshole 713 agent who turns out
to be pretty cool. Good job all!! The action was great. Everything from
the opening to the rapid gunplay throughout engaged me every time. I
think overall Uwe Boll’s directing is better and delivers the action
scenes better then House-Plus no video game footage! (does the happy
dance)
would be (the rating said R for violence and language-nothing about
gore) bloody bullet hits and some quick gory surprises keep your
attention. The CGI is actually pretty good-i was amazed on how good the
monsters looked in the movie (love the shot of the creature attacking
the helicopter) the boys at Toybox did a top notch job!! Now here’s the
negative aspects. First the love making scene between Slater and
Reid-wow was that super cheesy and came out of nowhere!! It felt out and
place and was not needed at all. Also the music score felt uneven-it
went from decent to STV sounding back to decent and back again to STV. I
also didn’t like the Evil dead-ish final frame-i can’t say why but I
didn’t. Well I can say I did enjoy Alone in the dark. It’s a fun monster
movie-take it as that and you’ll enjoy it.
MIDDLE GROUND:
Review By: Nick Williams
Plot-Crunch: I’ll try to keep this simple.
Edward Carnby (Slater) is the only person to escape child experiments in an
orphanage some 20 years ago, and ever since then has been trying to figure out
what in Jupiter’s balls happened. He’s an ex-agent of Bureau 713 – a top-secret
government agency devoted to exploring and eliminating supernatural activity –
turned freelance paranormal investigator. Massive nocturnal demons, linked with
his unknown past and an ancient civilization known as the Abkani, are running
rampant throughout the city, and with the help of his archaeologist girlfriend
(Reid) and former comrade (Dorff), he’s determined to stop them.
Ed Wood would be proud. I’ll be perfectly
honest, I didn’t actually mind House of the Dead that much. I’ll just quote
myself to explain why… “Not to say I thought it was really good, it was dumber
than hell, but I still found some mindless popcorn value in its over-the-top
action, hokey story, trite dialogue (the lines about immortality are still one
of my faves), good-old gratuitous nudity and gore, and thought the zombies were
pretty cool (in fact they were probably the film’s best aspect). To me, it was
almost like an old 70’s Italian zombie flick (one of the more lower tier ones by
like Bruno Mattei or Umberto Lenzi), which I’ve always relished, only with a
more lavish budget and MTV aesthetics.”
Now I had been really psyched up for this by
the trailers and sleek Nightwish music video, but as the release date loomed,
reviews started popping up, all of them of a unanimously contemptuous nature.
I’m not even just talking the mainstream critics either, but horror sites like
Bloody-Disgusting, Dread Central, and Fangoria were all poo-pooing on it. I
deliberated over it for a couple days and decided, “What the hell, I’ll give it
a shot. There have been instances where I’ve still enjoyed movies hated by
everyone.” Arrow’s recommendation for it also helped.
First off, I was surprised by how many
people attended the showing. There were maybe 10-15 other people in the
theatre, and it was a matinee! Although I think one guy walked out about 15
minutes into it. The movie starts out on a hilariously pretentious note, with
easily the longest, most extensive introductory scroll in cinematic history,
accompanied by a grating voiceover, that had me just cracking up. It explains
the background of the mysterious Abkani civilization that the monsters are part
of and the orphanage experiments and Bureau 713, facts which are continually
shoved down our throats throughout the movie’s duration in Carnby’s corny
internal soliloquies and expositional dialogue. There’s also a typo in the
opening credits – “An Uwe Boll Film.” Guess he just made them himself.
But then we’re treated with a nice action
scene – a car chase, with the always delightful Brendan Fletcher (Freddy vs.
Jason, Ginger Snaps 2 & 3) as a cab driver, segued into a simple-yet-effective
fight sequence between Carnby and a Terminator-esque goon. It resorts a little
bit to Matrix tactics, but not too much. After that though, the action pieces
slowly wind down. Most of them have the typical, flashy quick-cut editing, like
the shoot-out in Carnby’s apartment, but I didn’t think it got too confusing
like some do. They definitely should’ve been better and more frequent, as these
are the flick’s centerpieces. The plot is way too convoluted, especially for a
movie of this caliber. It tries too hard to build up the mystery. It doesn’t
work guys, we don’t give a shit about that, just go kill some monsters. When a
movie is based on a video game, I expect to see a cinematic equivalent of a
video game. Heck, I think House had more action than this, not to mention it
didn’t take itself so seriously. And the parts that were supposed to create
suspense with people skulking around in the dark are way too lengthy. That’s
spooky for a while, but then it gets boring.
There are also some really confusing
segments, like when they’re explaining the “rules” for the monsters. Wait a
second, sunlight can destroy them, but it can’t? Slow down, this movie isn’t
supposed to work my brain this much. There’s also the ending.
*********SPOILER WARNING**********
Carnby and Cedrac wander into the city to
find it totally abandoned, with cars parked in the street and such. A read-out
on the screen says it’s been evacuated, but Carnby’s voiceover indicates that
everybody has literally vanished into thin air. But if that’s the case, why did
they find that nun dead in the orphanage? Which is it?
**********END SPOILER**************
Oh well, logic isn’t really supposed to
figure into this type of flick.
I will say that I thought the whole Abkani
aspect was pretty cool. I’m a sucker for those arcane ancient civilizations. I
also kinda liked the spiky demons themselves, even though they are pretty much
another Alien knockoff and are composed of shoddy CGI, but I’m also sucker for
big otherworldly beasts as well. The zombies were unnecessary, but again, I’m a
sucker for those too, and they were fun to have. Arrow, you might not have
gotten a Lovecraftian vibe from this, but I did, at least a little.
ACTING:I’ve always thought Slater and Dorff
were pretty badass actors, if not technically the greatest ones. It was cool to
see these two alumni of the Nicholson School of Acting on the big screen again,
hamming it up together. Seeing Slater run around in a trench coat with a
big-ass revolver had me smiling as well. The croaky-voiced Reid I could’ve done
without though. She was pretty stiff (no pun intended), and I totally don’t buy
her as an archaeologist. I don’t know of any curators who look like that,
otherwise I need to visit museums more often. But it was pretty obvious she was
just eye candy. And Arrow, you weren’t too bad yourself.
GORE: Glad to see Boll isn’t too afraid to
show the goods. Some gunshot wounds, a few impalements (my fave’s the guard in
the head), a ripped out throat, a knife in the chest (that throw is hilarious),
an entire arm and side bitten off, a cleaved head, and some corpses. Could’ve
used more but not too bad.
T&A: Reid strips off her shirt in a totally
gratuitous sex scene with Slater, but stops at her bra?! Oh well, nothing those
of us with Internet access haven’t seen before. Honestly though, while Reid is
an attractive woman, she’s never done anything special for me. Hell, the chick
Arrow was working with caught my eye more than her. Hey bud, how bout hookin’ a
brother up?
Soundtrack: The score was decent, kinda
eerie. It seems a lot of people have either loved or hated the inclusion of
hard metal into the mix, but I’d have to say that I fall in with the former
group. For me it added it helped create a sense of adrenaline in some of the
scenes, especially the apartment shootout. And that Nightwish song during the
closing credits was rockin’. I’m a bit of a metalhead anyway. I’m even
considering getting the deluxe 2-disc soundtrack.
The Bottom Line: I think I might’ve enjoyed
House more than this, it had more action and had more of a tongue-in-cheek feel,
but as is obvious, Alone is the superior film technically speaking. It could’ve
been a whole lot better, maybe with a less serious tone and less complex
storyline and more action this easily could’ve been saved from being what it now
is: a mediocre film that is still fairly fun due to its high cheese-factor,
slicker-than-WD40 cast, and monster-packed action. But they definitely
should’ve cut down that scroll, or outright omit it. That makes me wonder
though, if maybe Boll is making his movies so deficient on purpose. That what
appears to be unintentional laughs are really intentional, and if maybe this
ostentatious Ed Wood-like figure he acts like is really some sort of façade.
Don’t ask me why I think so or what his motive would be, just a theory. Even if
not, I think the man has some potential to make a much more fun, if not
precisely “good,” movie. Both House and Alone had a great deal of promise, but
failed to truly reach it. I think he could be an intelligent guy. He’s got a
doctorate in literature, for chrissake! But maybe film just isn’t his forte.
Oh well, here’s to hoping Bloodrayne is better.
Review By:
Christopher Pico
I’m a video game fan.
So much of a video game fan that I purchased the
Red vs. Blue DVDs, actually paid
to see Street Fighter in a movie
theater and made little home movies on
Mario Paint back in high school. Shit, I still own an Atari 2600.
Well, when a movie comes out based on a video game, regardless if it’s
one I’ve played before or not, I ALWAYS go to see it the weekend it
opens (I’ve never played the game in which the film is based). Now then,
I’m not the biggest fan of Uwe Boll’s last game flick outing, the
pathetic House of the Dead
(whose only worthwhile segment was a violence orgy at the halfway
point), but he’s a game fan as well and I will give him the benefit of
the doubt.
Alone in the Dark is not a good
movie. In fact it’s pretty awful. But here’s the thing… where
House of the Dead stunk of last
week’s ass back to front, this new film is actually a very competently
made flick that just happens to have a putrid script and the talent less
Tara Reid in a leading role. The plot is this… There’s a gateway that
leads from our world to one that is forever covered in darkness. A race
of ancient Indians accidentally opened this gateway back in the day and
let a few of that world’s inhabitants into ours. They’re still here in
the present, and a cruel scientist uses these creatures to experiment on
children to create a race of half-breeds. One of these children is
Edward Carnby (Christian Slater), who has grown up to be a paranormal
investigator. Together with his ex-girlfriend (Tara Reid) and his
ex-boss (Stephen Dorff) they attempt to stop an invasion of these
creatures.
Pretty convoluted, eh? Well it is. There’s no reason explained as to why
that scientist wants to create half-breeds. The only purpose they have
in the film is to take part in a lengthy action scene. Also, if I’m
supposed to suspend disbelief long enough to buy Tara Reid as a brainy
museum curator… well let’s just say that there’s no way that’s going
to happen within the film’s 90 minute run time. The film jumps from
action set piece to action set piece with reckless abandon, plot be
damned. It’s as if Uwe Boll came up with an assload of cool ideas for
action scenes, but had no way to string them together into a cohesive
movie. Plus there’s a tacked on sex scene that occurs out of the blue (I
actually laughed out loud when this scene started). The plot is cobbled
together out of plenty of classic and not-so-classic sci-fi/horror films
from the last 20 years. I noticed shots and ideas lifted from
Alien,
Aliens,
The Keep,
Resident Evil,
The Relic,
Dark Angel,
The Matrix,
The Mummy and more. If you can’t
at least be partially original when writing a movie, then don’t even
try. And lastly… THIS FILM HAS THE LOOOOOOOOOONGEST OPENING STORY
SCROLL EVER!
There are some positives though. The film has wonderful cinematography,
so wonderful in fact I’d say it’s too good for this movie. It’s truly a
step up from House of the Dead,
which looked like the set design and lighting budget was $2.98 and was
filmed in King Kong’s buttcrack. The shots are well staged, always
interesting to look at and are suspense-fully lit when the need arises.
Christian Slater actually looks like he’s having a good time making the
film, as does Stephen Dorff. They’re fun to watch. The special FX are
actually pretty good and not overdone. The score/songs are a decent mix
of orchestration and hard core metal (could have done without that gay
ditty played over the sex scene, but the ending theme ‘Wish I Had an
Angel’ by Nightwish is pretty rad). The action scenes are very cool. The
first fight scene between Carnby and a bald assassin is exciting and
harsh (that dude jumping through that window head first looked painful),
but there were a couple of moments when I could tell the actors were on
wires. There’s good use of Matrix-style slow-mo and some innovative FX
shots (the interior of the gun/following the bullet shot was taken from
Bad Boys II, but it still
rocked). The big gunfight in Carnby’s apartment was fun too, but the
whole ‘the set is completely dark and only illuminated by the muzzle
flashes of the guns’ was ripped from
Equilibrium. And finally there were some quality gore moments,
something that’s missing from a lot of horror movies nowadays. That
split head bit made be squirm… it looked real.
A big step up from House of the Dead
but still a hunk o’shite, Alone in the
Dark strives to be more than the sum of it’s parts but falls on
it’s ass due to a toilet paper thin script and bad casting decisions.
I’m still looking forward to Uwe Boll’s next two video game
adaptations… Bloodrayne and
Hunter: The Reckoning. They can
only get better as long as the director continues to NOT splice clips of
the game the film is based on into his flicks.
Review By: Chad
I just got back from a midnight showing of
Alone in the Dark! First of all, rest assured there is NO video game
footage spliced into the movie whatsoever, and I walked in with a
completely open mind Personally, I don’t hate Uwe Boll with such a
murderous rage that many people seem to have, I just thought that House
of the Dead sucked and that was that. I went in Alone in the Dark hoping
for the best and…I gotta say I was under whelmed. Alone in the Dark
has a lot of cool things going for it, but its ruined by some fairly bad
editing choices and a confusing as hell story. First I’ll write about
some of the negatives.
The main plot, which I won’t spoil because I couldn’t, is way too
confusing. Its’ suppose to deal with an old civilization named the Abskani who worshipped bizarre creatures (think the Alien meets Cujo),
but then a crazy old scientist gets involved, then there’s a subplot
about kids experimented on… and it makes little sense. This detracted
from the film big time and made the ending all the more head scratching.
The action scenes are generally well shot but every once in awhile
there’s either some quick as lightning cutting making for a confusing
and epileptic experience. There’s one scene in particular that’s a
serious assault on the senses as a Rob Zombie song blares into the
background that left me confused as opposed to engaged. Not too mention
the fact that there was a sex scene that didn’t need to be there coupled
with the worst song ever.
Now for some of the positives… Christian Slater’s a badass once again,
turning a good performance, ditto Stephen Dorff. The creature effects
were great, the CGI obvious at times but within the context of the film
it worked. And for gorehounds, there are some nice nasty surprises in
this one! And while the story made little sense, there were some neat
ideas floating around, like scenes of everyday people just instantly
becoming mindless drones.Overall, AITD was a step forward for Uwe Boll… albeit a small step.
The action scenes worked and there were some cool ideas, but the film
was way too confusing to actually enjoy it, and will frustrate many. On
a personal note, seeing Mr. Fallon on the big screen brought smiles to
me and my comrades’ faces!
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