Well, doesn’t he?!?
Or no, no…take Natalie Portman from BLACK SWAN and fuse her with Winona Ryder from the same film. Closer? Good god damn…does big John Depp even f*cking care anymore?!?
Anyway, going Sinead O’Connor with Lego-hair is Mr. Depp in the newest still from Tim Burton’s DARK SHADOWS. As you know, Depp is set to play the role of Barnabas Collins made famous in the vampiric ’60s soap by Jonathan Frid. As per usual, Burton has surrounded him with an excellent cast of familiars, including Helena Bonham Carter, Chloe Moretz, Eva Green, Gulliver McGrath, Bella Heathcote, Johnny Depp, Ray Shirley, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller and Michelle Pfeiffer.
In the year 1752, Joshua and Naomi Collins, with young son Barnabas, set sail from Liverpool, England to start a new life in America. But even an ocean was not enough to escape the mysterious curse that has plagued their family. Two decades pass and Barnabas has the world at his feet¡ªor at least the town of Collinsport, Maine. The master of Collinwood Manor, Barnabas is rich, powerful and an inveterate playboy¡¬ until he makes the grave mistake of breaking the heart of Angelique Brouchard. A witch, in every sense of the word, Angelique dooms him to a fate worse than death: turning him into a vampire, and then burying him alive.
Two centuries later, Barnabas is inadvertently freed from his tomb and emerges into the very changed world of 1972. He returns to Collinwood Manor to find that his once-grand estate has fallen into ruin. The dysfunctional remnants of the Collins family have fared little better, each harboring their own dark secrets. Matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard has called upon live-in psychiatrist, Dr. Julia Hoffman, to help with her family troubles.
Also residing in the manor is Elizabeth’s ne’er-do-well brother, Roger Collins; her rebellious teenage daughter Carolyn Stoddard; and Roger’s precocious 10-year-old son, David Collins. The mystery extends beyond the family, to caretaker Willie Loomis and David’s new nanny, Victoria Winters.
I give Depp a hard time only because I care. I did enjoy THE RUM DIARY well enough, and have heard nothing but good things about RANGO. But come on, the run dude had in the 90s was absurd (go see ARIZONA DREAM for a criminally under-seen Depp gem), and I’m sure I’m not the only who wishes he’d return to that level of challenging material. We’re this close to begging Johnny, don’t make us do it.
DARK SHADOWS hits May 11th.
I’m a fife for Pfieffer!
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