Earlier this month we learned that NINJA TURTLES was being delayed to better serve the material. Kevin Eastman, creator of the NINJA TURTLES comic, was quick to praise the new version of his teenage mutant heroes. Eastman said “I talked to [producer] Scott Mednick yesterday, and he’s seen the most recent 50 [script] pages and said it’s as good as the last version — they’ve really knocked it out of the park. I’ve seen a chunk of it, and it’s going to be a great movie, despite what everybody thinks.” If we are to believe that Eastman actually read the screenplay, we need to make sure his meds are up to date.
Fan blog TMNT, NOT TANT claims to have gotten a copy of the script for the Jonathan Liebesman directed and Michael Bay produced reboot complete with a cease and desist letter from Paramount Pictures. As you could deduce from the name of their site, they are not fans of the “alien” origin for the Turtles. But, they included actual images purportedly copied from the screenplay itself, so this may be the real deal.
If it is, boy does this movie have problems.
As a NINJA TURTLES fan since I was a kid, I was willing to leave a little room to reboot the story. But the examples of dialogue and characters are just awful. Here is a rundown of some of the key elements in NINJA TURTLES.
- The villain is named Colonel Schrader (get it?) and his army squad is referred to as The Foot.
- Casey Jones and April O’Neill are 18 year old high school sweethearts and the central focus of the movie. Think Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox from TRANSFORMERS. Oh yeah, this is a Michael Bay production, isn’t it?
- The Turtles cross over to Dimension X and discover they are not the random result of a mutation due to a chemical spill but rather part of an entire race of mutant turtles. Wait, they are both. Huh? You mean their random accidental origin is also part of larger conspiracy? Is this THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN or NINJA TURTLES?
You can read the actual excerpts of dialogue over on the blog as they are way too painful to repost here. Okay, maybe a couple.:
- RAPHAEL: “That damn frog was right: ‘It ain’t easy being green.'”
- RAPHAEL: “Kung Fu? What do we look like, cartoon Panda Bears? We’re trained in Ninjitsu. And we don’t just know it, we serve it for breakfast…”
I can’t go on. it is just too awful. Even the third NINJA TURTLES film that sent them back to feudal Japan was better than this. I think the blog may go a bit overboard with the hate on this movie, but it does sound very weak. If they plan on filming this in live action it will just be laughable.
Here is hoping this screenplay is a big joke. I know the NINJA TURTLES require suspension of disbelief, but at least give the viewers some credit. There is no need to completely whitewash the story to make it more palatable for general audiences. It is about NINJA TURTLES, your core demographic is intact.
What do you think of the rebooted take on the NINJA TURTLES?
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