ARROW NOTE: SILENT HILL wasn’t screened early for
critics so I’m going to see it today and my review will be up on Monday. Till
then, here’s what my buddy, filmmaker CHRISTOPHER WHITE had to say about the
film.
SILENT HILL
Rating: 2/5
Review by Christopher White
“Sigh”, such high hopes I had for this film. The latest and most anticipated
video game to screen translation opens this weekend and what we have been
waiting for isn’t what we have been delivered. Let me say right off the bat
that’s I love the Silent Hills games, I’ve found them disturbing, unique and
totally engrossing with some of the most amazing creature designs. When I first
played Silent Hill1 years ago I said to myself this would make a really sick ass
movie. So let’s get down to what this flick is about.
Nine-year-old Sharon Da Silva (Jodelle Ferland) has a problem with
sleepwalking. Her adoptive mother Rose (Radha Mitchell) saves her just before
she falls off a cliff screaming “Silent Hill”. At her whit’s end she packs up
her daughter and takes off trying to find Silent Hill unknown to her husband
(Sean Bean). The town of Silent Hill was abandoned 30 years ago when an
accident killed almost everyone that lived there. Along the way she runs into a
motorcycle cop with a leather fetish named Cybil (Laurie Holden) who thinks Rose
might have kidnapped her daughter. A high-speed chase ensues and both Cybil and
Rose end up crashing their vehicles. When Rose regains consciousness, she
discovers her daughter is missing and she has arrived on the outskirts of Silent
Hill.
Rose ventures into Silent Hill looking for her daughter enshrouded by a thick
fog and snow like ash falling from the sky. She catches a glimpse of Sharon
running down an alley. She follows when suddenly a siren goes off and everything
goes pitch black. She flicks her lighter and continues her search only to be
attacked by strange burning childlike creatures. Just as she’s about to be
overtaken, the creatures disappear.
From frame 1 the acting is HORRIBLE, I was SHOCKED how bad the acting is in
this film and it really takes you out of the experience. It had such a off
putting effect that it really made be feel uncomfortable, perhaps because I was
beginning to realize my expectations were about to be let down in a big way. But
even then I still had faith, hoping maybe it will just need to take some time to
get it’s footing and then it’s off to the races to one hell of a show. NOPE! So
back to the story, Rose searches for her daughter blindly wondering from one
part of town to another. This is when the movie works best. The production
design and the feel of Silent Hill is translated beautifully.
Radha Mitchell does a okay job carrying the film even through the horrible
lines throughout the film( The writer who co wrote this co-wrote PULP FICTION,
RULES OF ATTRACTION in other words some really good shi*) but she can only do so
much. She is hampered by writer Roger Avery’s horrible script. It’s as if he
took a dump in hotel room and gave his shi* access to his Final Draft and let
the SHI* write the script! Mr. Hanky you need not write movies! Laurie Holden
is a joke as the tough as nails, S&M motorcycle cop. From the first moment you
see her all the way through to the end, she is just completely miscast and looks
out of her element. The little girl SUCKS she’s horrible just plain CRUDE! OYE!
The acting is amazingly terrible across the board!
Director Christopher Gans does remember to include the more popular characters
from the game. Pyramid Head, black bugs, faceless nurses and others appear here
and they all look AMAZING! When they were on screen I did have a big kool aid
smile (PYRAMID HEAD rocks the clock especially for one scene involving a girl
that will have you cheering) But yet there was never a sense of any true danger
to anything.
He also does a good job of translating the camera angles from the game
especially a lot of the overhead shots and if you are a fan of the music from
the game it’s all here fully intact .
I’m still baffled how this film could have gone so wrong, why would Roger Avery
turn in such a TERRIBLE script!? Didn’t anyone read this and say THIS SUCKS MAN
get your ass BACK IN That F****ING HOTEL ROOM THAT WE ARE PAYING 700 BUCKS A
NIGHT FOR AND WRITE A DAMN SCRIPT! Obviously not! I’ve smelled homeless people
on the street who didn’t stink as bad as this script! There are scenes where
characters just appear on set out of nowhere and you are saying to yourself
WHERE THE HELL DID SHE COME FROM?! WHAT THE HELL? HUH? It’s UWE BOLL bad!
The story will have you lost, I understood the transitioning from dimension to
dimension but only because I played the games and I fear the audience will be
lost. Speaking of the audience, they were LAUGHING their asses off throughout
the film when they shouldn’t have been. When the credits rolled there were JEERS
and a few obscenities directed at the screen. I myself wanted to light that
screen on fire and try and forget what I had just sat through! Also its 125 mins
WAY TOO DAMN LONG, this flick needs to drink a can of slim fast to trim it’s ass
down!
