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Tiff
sayz: Wow it’s that time of the week again. The time of the week that
makes you loose sleep over the weekend cause you’re all “man I wonder what she’s
gonna write this week….I wonder if it’s something I can jerk-off too?”. The
time of the week where I answer such important life questions that help AND
heal. The time of the week where you realize that you are not alone in this
world and that there is an entire site full of crazy horror nuts with bizarre
weirdo fetishes just like you! You are just one of many, kinda like a creeper
cult. So enjoy you freaks. xxx
BigKen asks: Cut or uncut,
how do you like your cocks?
Tiff
Sayz:
I prefer my cocks CUT of course and
then sautéed with lemon and a bit of salt and pepper. What a dumb question. Who
on earth would want one UNCUT. I mean that’s so fucking gross. You have to trim
that shit, otherwise it’ll be all slimy and full of skin.
Then skin would be all drippy
with cock juice. Total gag reflux disgusting. My advice if you have a cock:
clean that shit first (scrub the fuck out of it), then take a sharp cooking
knife and slice the skin off evenly – make sure you get all of that extra hangy
skin. Then dip cock in ultra hot, possibly boiling water in order to get all the
cock juices off your meat. Rub some lemon up on that bitch let it sit for a
while then throw it in a vat of hot oil and wa-la. A perfect cut cock for you to
enjoy Big Ken.
Hi Tiffany!
First off, I have to do my little ass-kissing routine and tell you what you
already know – YOU’RE THE BOMB, GIRL! OK and now my question: I was wondering if
watching yourself die on screen has ever made you feel uncomfortable and
squirmy? Maybe early in your career? I read somewhere that a lot of horror
actors don’t even think about that until they see it on screen, and then it
winds up haunting them. Ever happen to you?
Tiff
Sayz:
No dipshit. I work on these movies. I sit
there while the angry Nazi makeup-artist pours Karo syrup in my mouth, while a
no name director yells MORE TITS, while my jackass co-stars stand around
complaining about the cold even though they’re not the ones naked and covered in
a slimy red substance, while pervy PA’s on their first film take pictures with
me to show their friends in Oklahoma that “They’ve made it in Hollywood”, while
the FX guy with the long hair, in his ultra small and faded horror movie t-shirt
says: “Fuck yeah…I loved her in Death Factory”!
While the nerdy gaffer admires
his spooky lighting, while the over zealous costume chick strategically places
my whore outfit on me, while the tough guy prop master secretly stares at the
package on the leading man, while the producers sit under huge heat lamps
smoking cigarettes talking about how this is it…the masterpiece of all
masterpieces…..all while I lie there coughing up fake blood and getting stabbed,
shot, dismembered, disemboweled and then eventually dismissed from set to go
home to my very normal non-bloody life. So to answer your question….NO I do not
get haunted by my death scenes. However I do orgasm every time I watch myself
die…ODD. Oh and yes you are correct. I AM THE BOMB….Thank-you 😉
Dr. Cam
asks: Hey Tiffany, I loved the movie Scarecrow and I loved your character. If
Emmanuel asked you to do another one about Lester, would you do it?
Tiff
Sayz:
JESUS Emmanuel I
already told you I would do another movie for you….WTF?! I said it once
already! Seriously you need to stop with the phone calls/emails/stalking and now
writing in to my column! Everybody and their mother knows that if you have 50
bucks and a bottle of Kettle One I’ll do ANY crappy film so is there really a
need to ask?
The
Scarecrow films have spawned I think 3 sequels so there has to be something to
the butch dyke look I sported in the first one and the kung-fu gymnast skills of
the Scarecrow… so YES I’m in. Okay? Got it? Now send me my cash and booze and
let’s shoot that shit. “The Scarecrow Vs. The Shepis”!
Come back in a week or so to
hear about my “Showering Style” and people who like to fuck there mothers. – The
Shep
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