Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
X Men: The Last Stand(2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Brett Ratner

Hugh Jackman/Wolverine
Ian McKellen/Magneto
Patrick Stewart/Professor Xavier
Famke Janssen/Phoenix
5 10
It’s not a good day to be a Mutant! Their world is shaken and stirred when a “mutant cure” is invented and unleashed upon them. And things go from bad to real bad when The Phoenix aka a messed/powerful Jean Grey (Janssen) rises and goes on to threaten to take the whole planet down.
All that time I was worried that X-Men 3 would blow donkey dongs due to Mr. Static Brett Ratner at the helm. Not once did I ever take into consideration that the change in screenwriters could also be a bad card for the film. Well surprise, surprise! IT WAS!

X Men The Last Stand (I’ll call it X3) was a vacuous last call for what was so far a layered, eye popping and overall solid super hero franchise. Compared to the original X Men and specially the incredible X2 (must review it soon), X3 was so damn lazy it was embarrassing! It half-assed its relationships and subplots (which are crucial to this franchise), being more interested in razzle-dazzling us than making us feel anything for the people in the film and their quest. Rogue and Iceman’s plight? Thrown away. The rise of the Phoenix? Half-assed. The emotional repercussions of using the cure? Barely addressed. The addition of new mutants didn’t help the cause either. I cared about the Mutants that I followed for the last two films; focus on them, not these clowns, specifically since the clock time (104 minutes) was lower than the first two films.

Lets be honest, were Angel, Beast and Juggernaut really crucial to this storyline? They were a waste of space to me with Juggernaut in particular making for a sad sack baddie at that. And I quote: “I’m Juggernaut bitch!”…are you man? Are you really? Looks more to me like a skinny dude with a muscle suit and a stupid helmet taking away precious screen time from the characters I TRULY wanted to see. And why did Storm (Berry) get more screen time again? Oh yeah Halle Berry demanded it, otherwise she wouldn’t have come back. Should’ve taken her out of the gang all together, Storm was a bore to me. She belonged in the background! Finally, the left field killing of beloved characters really didn’t sit well with me. Felt more like a cheap way to not have to deal with the substance the last two films established as opposed to giving them respectful final bows. Or maybe it was just for shock value. Either way, it blew! Like I’m gonna follow the potential next X Men films without these characters around.

With that venom spat out, yes my deadbeat heart glow some when seeing my fav characters kicking it. Wolverine, Magneto, Cyclops (for the little time he was there) and company were once again as charismatic, engaging and a hoot to watch as ever. I love the characters so much that I’d watch them wash dishes for a buck and a half and still have a gay old time! The random spectacular action bits cranked my dial as well. The money was tossed on the screen that’s for sure with Magneto’s random ruckus (love the car crushing stuff) and Wolverine’s main fight against another mutant getting the fanboy in me going. Furthermore a couple of the plot turns, ideas (using the cure in weapons) and conflict resolutions did it for me, impact wise and took me aback. Didn’t happen often but it happened. All in all though X3 was an entertaining film, yes, but a worthy finish to this top notch franchise? One that has the same heart and soul as Singer's first two chapters? No f*cking way. This better not be the last one man.
We get some Wolverine stabbings and light blood here and there.
Hugh Jackman (Wolverine), Ian McKellen (Magneto) and Patrick Stewart (Professor Xavier) were all in top form, obvioulsy very comfortable with the characters at this point. Was great to see them go at it again! Famke Janssen (Phoenix) aced her "new" role, too bad the script didn't give her more to do. So much potential wasted. Halle Berry (Storm) felt like Halle Berry with white hair. Didn't buy or care for the role. Anna Paquin (Rogue) was on the ball but was also not given enough to do.

Kelsey Grammer (Beast) was fine, the role just didn't do much for me. Rebecca Romijn (Mystique) and James Marsden (Cyclops) rocked as usal but were also criminally ignored in this cream cheese entry. Vinnie Jones (Juggernaut) just looked ridiculous in his get up and he had the worst lines. Crap character.
T & A
Rebecca Romjin was nude at some point but we don’t see shite (arms hiding tits, legs tightly crossed). Rent Femme Fatale to see her in all of her glory!
Ratner’s directing served the film, nothing more, nothing less.
The score was engaging, and moving.
Funny thing, when I got back from X3, X2 was on TV, it was the fight between Wolverine and Deathstrike (Kelly Hu). That bit alone was better shot and more engaging than the whole of X3. This second (And final?) sequel was a fluff version of what the X MEN movies are all about. We get a shorter running time, less action, more futile characters and a skimming on the relationships/themes/conflicts that the franchise had so ably set up for us. It was great to see the whole gang once again and some of the action bits owned me but this shouldn’t be the end of the franchise. It deserves a better curtain call than this Diet Coke rendition. Bryan Singer! COME BACK! We and the Mutants need ya!
Bryan Singer was gonna do X3, after Superman Returns but Fox decided not to wait for him and went along without him or his team. Bad move.

Halle Berry had declined to reprise her role as Storm but decided to do it after Singer left (they didn't get along) and on the condition that her part be expanded...sucks for us...she got what she wanted.