THE TOURNAMENT (2009)
Rating: 3 out of 4 /Buy the DVD Here
Tagline: Death by Elimination
Directed by: Scott Mann
Starring: Ving Rhames, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Hu, Scott Adkins, and Ian Somerhalder
THE PLAN:Every seven years in an unsuspecting town, The Tournament takes place. A battle royale between 30 of the world’s deadliest assassins. The last man standing receives a cash prize… But in this round, one man (Ving Rhames) isn’t in it for the money, or the glory… He’s in it for revenge!
THE KILL: THE TOURNAMENT is a fine title for this film, because naturally it sums the entire thing up very succinctly, and just sounds cool. But if they wanted to go a different route, they could have called it BLOOD, BULLETS, and BROADS. Perhaps I’m biased in thinking that’s an awesome title (and if you don’t recognize it from somewhere, you need to search our site more), but it says pretty much everything you need to know about this nasty beast of a movie. There are more bullets expended than any recent movie I can think of (it could probably rival SAVING PRIVATE RYAN in sheer number of blanks used); it’s bloodier than a goddamn SAW movie, and there are a bevy of hotties that get just enough screen time to distract you from the mayhem.
“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Do I look at her gun, or her boob..?'”
THE TOURNAMENT doesn’t exactly do anything exceptionally new in terms of plot or execution. Certainly, we’ve seen this story before: a group of people (in this case, elite killers) thrown together in a contest in which the prize is given to the last man standing. Hell, I’ve even seen it done with the elite killers angle, in a grungy – but not all bad – 1997 Albert Pyun flick called MEAN GUNS. THE TOURNAMENT’s style is effective, but not altogether fresh; it has the slick, chaotic feel of a Tony Scott movie, complete with scenes of violence that have so many cuts in them we’re not always exactly sure what’s going on.
So where does THE TOURNAMENT stand apart? For starters, it’s filled with so much spewing, spurting, gushing blood that it before long resembles a horror movie. The first scene alone takes place in a room that literally seems to be pooled with the stuff. There’s also a helpless victim (Robert Carlyle, as a priest unwillingly sucked into the brutal game) and a villain so evil and maniacal that he might as well wear a creepy mask (Ian Somerhalder, erasing all memories of his passive character from “Lost”). Most of the blood comes courtesy of bullets, naturally, but there are plenty of dismemberments, burnings, and crushings to make this one a little more extreme than your average action fare. (Even when the bullets come into play, they seem to have the magical ability to make people’s heads explode.)
“Tell me what’s in the PULP FICTION briefcase… TELL ME!
The acting is above average for this type of thing. Carlyle is really good, playing a character who is already down on his luck to begin with. Of course the alcoholic priest character is nothing new, but Carlyle infuses “Father MacAvoy” with real sorrow, and he’s incredibly sympathetic from the get-go. Ving Rhames is… well, Ving Rhames: a hulking bad ass who doesn’t take shit from anybody, all the while battling his own demons and staying this just side of relatable. Kelly Hu does what she can with her role as “Lai Lai Zhen”; she’s really required to beat down dudes twice her size convincingly, and that she does… And as I mentioned before, Ian Somerhalder’s homicidal Texan “Miles” is a downright despicable creation – but also much fun to watch (as the best villains are).
(Oh, and a separate mention to Sebastien Foucan as a particularly flexible assassin. Foucan is the running, jumping, flipping cat from the amazing construction site sequence in CASINO ROYALE, and he’s allowed just enough time here to flex his moves – but not enough if you ask me. Dude needs his own movie, stat!)
So yes, action junkies – and even gore hounds – might want to give THE TOURNAMENT a go. In this age of dulled down thrills and spills, you could do a lot worse than this chaotic bullet festival.
TOP DEATH: No less than four people explode to death – complete with flying slow-mo flesh chunks. I think it’s a tie. (Here’s a sample above!)
TOP ACTION: A car chase on a freeway, that includes Foucan’s acrobatics on a double-decker bus and a gasoline truck
FEMALE EXPLOITATION: There’s a scene in a strip club that allows you just enough time to check out the topless hotties before all hell breaks lose. (Hint: you shouldn’t get too attached to the hotties.) And you get to see Kelly Hu coming out of the shower – no nippage though. Lame.
HOMOEROTIC MOMENT: Nothing here to speak of – unless you’re a big Ving Rhames fan. Then by all means, dig in.
TOP DIALOGUE: “F*ck me sideways I would love to have a piece of that pie.” – A technician watching a barely-dressed Kelly Hu.
DRINKING GAME: Drink everytime someone’s head is blasted apart by gunfire… You’ll be drunk enough to hunt the neighborhood hobo within the hour!
TRIVIA: THE TOURNAMENT opened the predominantly horror-oriented SCREAM FEST in October.
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