GIVE
US YOUR GENRE TOP 10 OF 2008 HERE
ARROW NOTE: Here’s the finer than red wine on
a hooker’s ass AITH NEWS STAFF
take on 2008 and our beloved genre! Dig into the YAYS and the NAYS below!
AMMON GILBERT’S PICKS!
Looking back at 2008, I can say with the utmost confidence that, for the most part, this year sucked for quality horror movies. I don’t know if that pesky Writer’s Strike had anything to do with it, or if it’s because we’ve had a decent streak of quality genre flicks the past few years… either way, we paid the price in 2008. That said, I was able to scrounge up 5 flicks we’ve featured here on AITH that I can honestly say are my top 5 genre flicks of the year.
You know what my list tells me? It was the year for home invasions, man-eating plants, the return of the aging action hero, single handedly ending the war in Burma,, and musicals featuring Paris Hilton. You could say that’s one f*cked up combination of flicks, you could say that I’ve lost my mind, and you know what… you’d be right on both accounts, but like I said… 2008 was definitely not the year for horror. But these 5 flicks sure rocked my socks off.
5. THE RUINS – 4. REPO! –
3. J.C.V.D. – 2. THE STRANGERS –
1. RAMBO
F*CK YOU MOVIE OF 2008:
I didn’t hit up the theater as much as I would have normally liked to this year, partly because of the economy, partly because I’m a busy motherf*cker, and partly because the majority of movies released this year sucked ass.
I listen to reviews and word of mouth, and when The Arrow says pass… I pass.
So I didn’t see ONE MISSED CALL, nor did I check out PROM NIGHT, or some of the other bigger turds that hit theaters this year… but I did hit up one flick that really did suck balls and it’s my F*CK YOU MOVIE of 2008!
That movie? THE HAUNTING OF MOLLY HARTLEY. Don’t ask me why I went and saw this P.O.S. (it’s a long story), but I did and I will never have that 90 minutes of my life back. The flick substituted genuine scares for the cop-out “boo-scares,” and the film’s trailer gave the ending away. Is she crazy? Is she haunted? Do I care? No.
No sex, no nudity, no gore, it’s lame-ass PG-13 horror at its absolute best (or worse). So from one horror fan to this wannabe horror flick (released on Halloween, no less), I’d like to give THE HAUNTING OF MOLLY HARTLEY a big F*CK YOU! F*ck you, MOLLY HARTLEY, f*ck you very much!
ERIC WALKUSKI”S PICKS!
2008 was a pretty dark time for the movies. Nothing I’ve seen thus far do I give more than 3 1/4 stars (out of 4), and of course the year’s just about done. Unless I’m absolutely blown away by something like THE WRESTLER or THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON, this will have been one of the worst movie-going years in recent memory.
Thankfully, there were a handful of small genre flicks that caught my attention, and elevated the year above what might have been a complete wash. Unfortunately, all of these flicks are either in limited release, or haven’t received proper releases at all yet, so for the most part you’re going to have to take my word and seek these out the best you can.
5. THE SUBSTITUTE – 4. PARANORMAL
ACTIVITY – 3. REC – 2. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN – 1. TIME CRIMES
F*CK YOU MOVIE OF 2008:
A lot of contenders for this, my very special F*CK YOU to the worst genre movie of the year: There was the hilariously (intentionally?) ridiculous THE HAPPENING; the dull-as-dishwater CATACOMBS; the banal and repetitive FRONTIERE(S)…
But I just cannot ignore the utterly insipid, blandly-crafted, completely heartless and gutless
ONE MISSED CALL, which is the very nadir of the J-Horror remake trend. This is a movie NO ONE was passionate about. Not a single person in front of or behind the camera thought about anything other than a check during its production.
Of course this goes on all the time in Hollywood, but I’m hard-pressed to recall a project so devoid of life, spirit or self-respect. Director Eric Valette has no vision, he has no pull with actors (who appear to be even more bored than the audience), and he has no business directing a movie at all. With an ample amount of money, time, and resources at their disposal, the producers and director have decided to aim low, and managed to fall short of that.
The only thing ONE MISSED CALL accomplishes is making you want to plug your ears with drumsticks every time that hateful “ding-DING-ding-DING” ringtone pops up, which seems like every three minutes. I swear I’d almost rather watch a remake of JAWS directed by Michael Bay before being exposed to another puny-minded J-Horror effort.
JARED PACHECO’S PICKS!
2008 brought a lot of mediocre movies into the world. There weren’t many
I thought were great and there weren’t many I thought were <i>horrible</i>,
just sub-par. So in picking out a TOP 5 I really took a look and choose
movies that I thoroughly enjoyed. Flicks that had me talking about them
afterwards, in a good way. You may notice my list only contains 1 major
movie, and it’s not even considered horror per-say.
So that tells you how I feel about the mainstream horror nowadays, hell
I think most genre fans would fall along the same lines. It’s the lesser
known flicks that catch my eye. The ones that take a chance and wouldn’t be
acceptable by the majority. JACK BROOKS was simple and fun, exactly what I
want in a cheesy monster flick while DANCE OF THE DEAD I really dug. I
thought it was a smart horror/comedy with great characters, a great story,
and some of the best zombies I’ve ever seen. JACK BROOKS and DANCE OF THE
DEAD were both Direct-to-DVD releases.
I would hope I don’t need to give my reasoning for DARK KNIGHT. Then
there’s THE STRANGERS and FUNNY GAMES. Both intense movies about home
invasion. This is the stuff that should really tweak a nerve considering the
reality factor. Now some parts of STRANGERS were redundant but FUNNY GAMES
kept me into it the whole time, from beginning to end. That cast was
phenomenal and the filmmaking was something extremely different. All good in
my book. So here’s my TOP 5 OF 2008!
5. JACK BROOKS: MONSTER SLAYER –
4. THE STRANGERS – 3. DANCE OF THE DEAD – 2. THE DARK KNIGHT – 1. FUNNY
GAMES
HONORABLE MENTION: MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN, RAMBO
F*CK YOU MOVIE OF 2008: As I
was going through the horror flicks released in 2008 the thought crossed my
mind that it might be kind of hard to find a F*CK YOU movie of 2008. Not
that 2008 didn’t have it’s share of horrible movies, actually it had a lot
of them… I just tended to steer away from a good amount.
I’m sure I’ll eventually check them out on DVD but I wasn’t down for
checking out a movie with bad buzz in the theater. So I thought I was going
to have to force a pick. Maybe ONE MISSED CALL or SAW 5 just for my disdain
of the continuation of the SAW franchise… then the light bulb went on. My
F*CK YOU Movie of 2008! F*CK YOU PROM NIGHT!
I realized this year’s choice wasn’t that hard at all. Now the build-up
for PROM NIGHT already had it pegged as a Worst Movie of the Year, though I
kept my hopes up because I love me a good cheesy slasher. But PROM NIGHT was
just bad. Everything about the movie. If I had to pick… I’d say the
villain would be the best thing about this flick… but that’s far from
saving it.
The killings were beyond lame, the same simple stab over and
over. The PG-13 rating killed any gore and/or sexual content. While I think
Brittany Snow is gorgeous and talented, the acting in PROM NIGHT was nothing
special at all. And worse than all of that… the dialogue. 5 minutes into
the movie I wanted to punch these characters in the face. PROM NIGHT was
made for the sole purpose of making money off the naive little teenagers out
there, and it succeeded. That’s why PROM NIGHT is my F*CK YOU MOVIE OF 2008.
MIKE CATALANO’S PICKS!
I don’t think it was an entirely bad year for our bloody great genre. The R-rated, theatrically released horror movie seemed to make a bit of a comeback, which brings me to one of the films in my Top 5… THE STRANGERS: This one just goes to show that you CAN generate excellence with a simple set-up. Next is the biggest and arguably greatest film of the year (decade?) and although it is probably a cliché by now to sing its praise, I’d be a f*cking liar if I didn’t say that THE DARK KNIGHT was an insurmountable film-going experience. All I’ll say is, the flick had me with “I’m gonna make this pencil disappear.”
My last three are all independent horrors I caught on DVD.. I’ll begin with the light: DANCE OF THE DEAD caught me completely off guard. I was just expecting an average, silly, forgettable zombie romp. What I got was a spot-on high school satire with very real and well-developed characters, outstanding gore effects, and comedy that rivaled SHAUN OF THE DEAD. Next in line is my half light/half dark pick, TEETH. You may be thinking “What kind of dude would be into a movie about dudes losing their dicks?!” Believe me, I understand, but when the actress playing the “dick decapitator” is as gifted and “nice-girl-looking” as Jesi Wexler, it’s very hard not to buy into the crazy premise. Her comedic timing and expressions of shock at her “unusual” developments “down there” were award worthy.
And speaking of award worth, I honestly feel that my final and darkest selection is truly Oscar caliber. INSIDE is the most horrifying, gripping, intense happening in horror I’ve ever had. There was even an instance where I had to actually back off away from what was occurring on the screen because of a particularly powerful (and ghastly) scene. From its envelop-pushing ideals to the amazing performances by its two female leads, this film literally blew me away.
So, without further ado, here is how I’ve listed my TOP 5 OF 2008.
5. TEETH –
4. THE STRANGERS –
3. DANCE OF THE DEAD –
2. INSIDE –
1. THE DARK KNIGHT
HONORABLE MENTION: DOOMSDAY (for having a scene where the crazy, bad-guy cannibals perform a musical dance number to the tune “New Thing” by… Fine Young Cannibals!
Now on to the dreaded F*CK YOU to the genre flick of 2008 that was the biggest
insult to the industry. There really is only one choice for this (un)coveted
distinction and even though I’m sure it will be selected by some of my other
brothers, my overwhelming disdain for this flick prevents me from selecting
anything else. Grab onto your seats and brace yourselves for a huge…
F*CK YOU MOVIE OF 2008: F*CK YOU to
PROM NIGHT (the remake, or as I will refer
to it for the rest of this article, SHIT NIGHT)! This movie is the complete antithesis to all things horror.
Where do I begin?
It’s like shooting f*cking fish in a barrel! First off, this
piece of trash clearly was conceived as a means of duping young tweeners (like
the TWILIGHT squad) out of their money. The sheer audacity with which scenarios
within the film are handled, like leaving Brittany Snow at her prom out in the
open with the full knowledge that her psycho killer stalker is on the loose, is
just mind-numbingly ridiculous.
You want more? How about a killer who is easily able to evade being noticed
because of his carefully placed baseball cap and fresh shave? The original’s
killer had these creepy-ass ski mask, yet this so-called “remake” arrived 28
years later and thinks that all manners of facial fright in horror have evolved
towards a motherf*cking baseball cap!
That’s not evolution! That’s reverse
evolution, you morons! What else could explain their reasoning that Brittany
Snow and her family would be allowed to stay at home after her psycho killer
just off-ed a bunch of people at her prom. You wouldn’t want them to be in a
safe house or the police station or anywhere that the killer wouldn’t
easily know their location?!
I’ve saved the worst offense for last: SHIT NIGHT actually dares to directly
rip-off a scene from the only horror film to ever win the Oscar for Best
Picture! That’s right, kids. Do you remember a scene in which the killer
murdered some guy, changed into that guy’s clothes, stuffed the guy into the
ceiling, and then evaded the authorities right under their noses? If you’re
thinking that scene was in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, then you’d be absolutely
correct.
However, SHIT NIGHT’s filmmakers seem to believe that it is perfectly
passable to rip it off basically shot for shot for no apparent reason or homage.
I’m sorry, but a sin like this is absolutely inexcusable and just plain
ridiculous. Obviously everyone involved had run out of ideas that they probably
never had in the first place… which is why I raise my middle finger to SHIT
NIGHT and happily exclaim, F*CK YOU!!!!
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