Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Final Destination 3(2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: James Wong

Mary Elizabeth Winstead/Wendy
Texas Battle/Lewis
Kris Lemche/Ian
Ryan Merriman/Kevin
6 10
Trite and mostly grating teens that were supposed to die in a rollercoaster accident…don’t….they duck it. So the “force” that is DEATH comes knocking on their doors afterwards, to collect their vacuous souls in elaborate and nasty ways. Déjà vu anyone?
I would say that I’m a big enough fan of the Final Destination franchise. The original was fairly innovative in its storyline and its formula. The sequel took what the first one established and sprinted with it, serving up all kinds of over the top/convoluted murders and an INSANE car crash sequence that has yet to be erased from my feeble brain. That was one hell of a motor vehicle jamboree, one for the freaking books if you ask me or the man-nimal in my pants! Now here comes Final Destination 3, starting basically from scratch (as it doesn’t include any characters from the past 2 films, not even the Todd Man, I guess we'll never know what his deal was) and aiming to deliver the goodies that we have come to expect from the series. Did it succeed? Well yes and no.

Final Destination 3 was basically Final Destination Part 1 but "light" on the meat and Mayo. Replace plane mishap with rollercoaster ride gone bad while keeping to the formula religiously and there you have it; a third installment. On the groovy side of the coin, I again got my rocks off as I was watching this one with the uber inventive “murders” being the highlights. They were violent, cruel, fairly out there and red wet enough to please. I’m all good with that jive! The rollercoaster ride gone to hell bit kicked major ass too! Although not everything that it could’ve been, I was on the edge of my seat during that sequence and then some! I totally related to it since I love rollercoasters and have ridden many of them (and the girls that accompanied me on them) over the years.

The tight pace of the affair, tagged with an endearing lead gal, surely helped make the whole go down easier than a drunken cheerleader earning her “cheers” and so did the competent directing in the house which resulted in some random tension laced bits. Finally, the small references to the original film (that didn’t make much sense in the grand scheme of things though) made sure to remind me that I was watching a “Part 3” of a franchise and not a stand alone. Was that a good thing or a bad thing...not sure yet...talk to me in a week. So you may ask yourself; what was the problem with the flick you finicky f*ck? And the finicky f*ck answers:

They got sluggish at the script stage that was the freaking problem Tacos! For one, the characters here were solely paper thin “stereotypes”, played by ho-hum actors. They so paled in comparison to the more layered and better cast folks found in the first two movies. It was really strenuous for me to give a pinch of a damn about any of them! result: that decreased my involvement in the story and I couldn’t wait for 95% of the lot to die already! Aside from Ryan Merriman (Kevin), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Wendy) and Kris Lemche (Ian), I couldn’t believe at how ridiculously manufactured, transparent and freaking irritating the kids in this film were! What a generalized and lazy representation of today’s teenagers! It was almost insulting and I’m not even a teenager anymore!

The waif like storyline that tied up one crazy offing to the next didn’t fare much better either. Basically copy/paste the account from the original, take out the irony, the humor and the balls, slap in some "been there done that" foreboding photography plot device and voila you got the story for this third installment. They should’ve deviated more "plot wise" from what we've already seen in the first two films and taken more chances, all in the name of owning us hardcore. Remember that scene in the original when the Devon Sawa character locked himself in a room/closet and taunted death to come get him? Well with Wong and Morgan (The creators of the original) behind this baby, I expected some similar novelties here, I didn’t get them...like…AT ALL!  COME ON! Where's the guts? It’s under “G”! Look into it!

With that yapped, spat out, puked on and loaded out on one female’s dumbfounded face, I did get a good stroking from Final Destination 3, mostly due to the zany slaughter at hand (and those two golden tit shots). But as I walked out the theater, my noggin told me: “Entertaining but too generic within the franchise it’s playing in”. I say; see it on the big screen if you’re a huge FD fan, otherwise, check it out it on DVD where it will most likely come through more. Is this the final destination for this horror title? Only time will tell. DJ spin that wheel!

I won’t give any of the kills/gore howlers away here since they’re the main attraction of the film. I will say that they were brutal, left field and graphic enough to slice and dice a smile on my face.
Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Wendy) was the better actress of the lot conveying credible emotional turmoil while smartly underplaying it. Texas Battle (Lewis) played a one dimemsional, cocky, insensitive, loud and arrogant prick so well that I couldn’t wait for him to buy the farm; I guess he did a good job. Kris Lemche (Ian) was typecast again and he did it well…again: “smart ass”. Ryan Merriman (Kevin) gave a believable show as the “straight man” of the group. Is it me or is the dude becoming a Scream King? He’s certainly gathering up those genre credits!
T & A
Chelan Simmons (big fake boobs) and Crystal Lo (small hills) gave me a double dose of “T” and I thanked them for it with praises and cheers whilst sitting in the theatre! Yes…praises and…CHEERS! Thanks ladies! NOTE: I need to get laid ASAP!
James Wong did an adequate job in showcasing some fly shots and generating suspense during the “butcher time” scenes. Taking into account that I didn’t care about the characters for shit, that was a feat in itself. Good job, work harder on the script next time!
The score was serviceable, nothing to cum over or complain about. I did dig the somewhat clever use of that “Rollercoaster of Love” dittie.
Final Destination 3 was a lot like a smutty lap dance. She came, I paid her, she put her tits in my face and when it was all done, it didn’t mean an iota of a shit to me or her for that matter! So yes, the film was pleasurable as I sat through it., the familiar formula was well applied, the grisly goodies were ample, the pace was speedy and the tension potent enough. But at the end of it all, it felt pretty hollow since the flick didn’t deviate enough from the series’ formula to leave an impression story wise and it offered up a group of generic, “this is how suits see teenagers” twats to pose as main characters. Hopefully for Part 4, they’ll break a sweat on the screenplay, instead of taking the easy “how to make a safe sequel” route. Check and the waitress on all fours please! I’M DONE!
The ending was re-shot due to bad preview screenings reports. This also happened with the two previous FD films.

The bulk of the film was shot in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada for 25 Mil.

Was that Tony Todd's voice doing the rollercoaster? If so he wasn't credited for it to my knowledge.