Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Scott Stewart

Paul Bettany/Michael
Lucas Black/Jeep
Tyrese Gibson/Kyle
Adrianne Palicki/Charlie
6 10
The good Lord woke up on the wrong side of the cloud today. He has had enough of our self destructing bullshit (I don’t blame him) and has decided to drop the axe by sending down his Angels to possess and take us out. If Angel with a cause Michael wouldn’t have clipped off his wings, loaded up on weapons, rebelled against his pops and joined our side…this movie would have been finished in 5 minutes.
To say I was dreading LEGION would be putting it lightly. I thought the trailers were unappealing and the idea of Angels being fought off with heavy artillery ridiculous. So I wasn’t too jazzed to go see it, and the fact that I had a severe case of the flu that day didn’t help my mood either. Not sure if it was due to my expectations being so low or the Nyquil was buzzing me up, but I wound up having a good time with the film on a mostly “surface” level. Yup LEGION wasn’t the excruciating ordeal I was expecting, thank God (pun intended).

LEGION (which was FX badboy Scott Stewart’s directorial debut, he also wrote the screenplay with Peter Schink) caught me off guard with its potent set up. Although way too reminiscent (borderline rip-off to be honest) of THE TERMINATOR doggystles THE PROPHECY to come off as anything close to original, it grabbed me by the cachous off the bat, squeezed hard and by the time we reached the main location and met the heroes (i.e. victims) to be; I was thinking; hey this may be pretty cool. And it kind of was! This sucka played the “fun times” slot machines and got these three cherries.

Cherry #1: Horror wise, the flick played the Zombie card by way of the humans being possessed by angels — i.e. the limited budget said — no army of ACTUAL angels on display here, except for one shot. The horror shenanigans weren’t anything that I hadn’t seen before. I actually kept thinking of Stephen King’s book CELL and Romero’s DEAD flicks - take that as a compliment. With that spat the horror get-downs were thrilling, put out slick beasties (ice cream man owned), were executed with flair and I got off on them. So kudos!

Cherry #2: This puppy had an 80’s, guns, guns, guns action aura about it that warmed my potato just right! Lots of weapons put to good use on Angel controlled humans and that twirling-in-the-air abuser Gabriel. The mano et mano fights delivered the goods too! Groovyly choreographed and filmed in a “yes you can SEE what's going down” way, I was having a blast! Wait till you see the main fist to cuffs between Angel Michael and Angel Gabriel. Fun f*cking stuff!

Cherry #3:
What a cast! Although the characterization didn’t go beyond the genre basics, the rock solid thespians on hand made it happen! Paul Bettany and Kevin Durand were cool as ice as the ass whooping Angels and they made me believe in the fairly out there happenings. Adrianne Palicki did what she could with the role and was easy on the eyes that’s for sure. Never heard of her before, but I’ll remember her sweet ass now. And a bearded Dennis Quaid (even when he’s overacting), an endearing Charles S. Sutton (the man is all class) and a bad ass Tyrese doing his tough yet lovable shtick also equaled TIGHT!

Alas, taking into account the subject matter, I expected more meat out of this one. The progression of the story felt rushed (Studio snip, snip?) and although the film tried real hard to beef up its characters — it never managed to elevate them above the stock mold (it takes more than overlong monologues to flesh out characters). The random plot holes and lack of answers also frustrated me to high hell. I mean why was this child so important? Why would God devise such a shoddy plan to wipe us out (unless he knew what Michael was up to and had a sub plan to go with the plan)? And why did the heroes do so many freaking dumb moves to serve the plot? Before you answer that God works in mysterious ways, let me say this: that shit doesn’t fly when it comes to storytelling 101.

At the end of it all LEGION wound up being an adequately shot horror/action party, with bang on visual effects and cheap hooker-ish, Angel blessed thrill-chills. It didn’t have me reach for my Bible (like The Passion did - long live Gibson), but it sure had reach for my manhood with pride...big pride. You gonna bow down to this one?
We get bit off throats, gun shot wounds (nice head shots), stabbings, an impaling, some acid fun, cuts, an exploding dude, a cut off finger and more! Not an all out gore party but enough red chunks to fill your belly!
T & A
Staring at Adrianne Palicki’s cleavage throughout made me a better man. I have officially evolved a notch! Damn that girl is fine!
Dumb and fluffy but a lot of fun! LEGION tried mucho hard not to be all about mindless horror and action sequences. But the shoddy story/character development, lack of answers & common sense and the rushed narrative didn’t play in its favor as to that goal. But that didn’t change the fact that I had a hoot and a nanny with this one; it was razor shot, well paced, put out an appealing cast, slick special effects and sported enough yeehaw horror & action bits to fill that tub of blood with love. A decent night at the movies but a better evening at home with brews, the misses, your whips, chains and mistress in tow.
Scott Stewart's next film will be PRIEST, also starring Paul Bettany.

Lucas Black and Tyrese Gibson both acted in Fast and Furious films.

Look out for Doug Jones (Abe Sapien, Silver Surfer) in a pretty far out role.

Adrianne Palicki played Judy Robinson in John Woo's unsold TV pilot, The Robinsons: Lost in Space.