HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 F*cked Up Camps

August 8th 2008, 3:35pm

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

As the summer starts to wind down it occurs to me that we haven’t given any love yet to the fun of camp slashers. Hell, it basically became a cottage industry for low budget horror starting in the late 70’s and throughout the 80’s. Thankfully a few still trickle out now and then, and likely always will.

Much like porn these suckers are often enjoyable because of how bad they are – the dialogue, acting, effects and plot are often best when served up plain awful. Of course there are standouts as well that deliver plenty of scares and even an iconic villain or two. And let’s not forget the posters which generally rock!

So let’s take a look at the camps that any young mind should memorize, knowing that if your parents send you there they do not expect you to come back. Grab some bug spray, condoms and a machete. It’s time to get sweaty!

Did your favorite camp horror memory miss the list? Spit bullets below and exercise your power of oversight.

1. Camp Crystal Lake, FRIDAY THE 13TH

Mama said knock you out! Post Scream a lot more people know that lil Jason didn’t get his kill on until the second Friday movie, but it used to be a quick litmus test for whether or not somebody was a real genre fan. If they didn’t know who the f*ck Pamela Voorhees was, then they didn’t know their shite. Why do I mention this? Because I gotta write something and justifying F13 as #1 on this list would be a waste of all our time. That said, if any of you disagree with the pick then I definitely want to hear the reasons below.

2. Camp Arawak, SLEEPAWAY CAMP

Angela, Angela, Angela. What is there to say about a psychotic, fragile, transgender bully killer other than you go, girl, uh, guy…whatever. I get confused. Just be nice to the shy kid at summer camp if you know what’s good for you.

3. Camp StoneWater, THE BURNING

Less underappreciated than overlooked, anyone who has seen The Burning knows that the stellar cast along with outstanding and disgusting gore from Tom Savini make this a flick to give much love to. Granted the killer is far less compelling than Jason, Freddy, Pinhead, and Myers, but that’s hardly a reason to do anything other than rush out and rectify the situation if you’ve never gotten down and dirty with this baby.

4. Camp Special Dude, SPECIAL DEAD

The tagline of this pup is “Sometimes heroes ride the short bus.” I think you get the idea. It doesn’t quite live up to it’s premise, which is too bad because the sucker had potential to be a real genre classic. But the fun and rampant bloodshed mixed with a non-PC attitude that comes across and less heavy handed and more effective that Uwe Boll’s Postal requires that Special Dead get some significant love.

5. Sunny Buttocks Nudist Camp, NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD

If you dug My Boyfriend’s Back then this irreverent Zombie/Musical/Horror/Comedy might be right up your alley. Of course you’ll have to track it down on VHS because as far as I’m aware it hasn’t gotten the dignity of DVD release yet. But if the idea of watching a bunch of zombie nudists (resulting from a mass suicide under religious persecution) attacking peeps at a Religious Camp grabs your attention, then find this silly sucker and check it out.

6. Camp Lost River Lake, PIRANHA

I’ll admit I could be wrong about the name of the kids summer camp in this, so if I got it wrong then correct me with bullets. But even though Piranha isn’t set primarily at the camp, it’s hard to find a more aggressively dark mass attack on children. John Sayles was one twisted f*cker when he wrote this, and you gotta love him for it.

7. Camp Placid Pines, BLOODY MURDER 2

Emerging from the ashes of the horrendous Bloody Murder, this by the numbers slasher still manages to entertain despite featuring some outright larceny of well-known horror images and set-ups. It’s got some fun kills and gives us a healthy dose of Tiffany Shepis who seems downright allergic to clothes. Yay!

8. Camp Hurrah, CHEERLEADER CAMP

For some of you all I have to do here is mention that Teri Weigel’s in this sucker and you’re already adding it to your Netflix queue. But be warned, there’s nudity, but not nearly as much as you’d expect from a flick called Cheerleader Camp. That’s OK, though, because this trippy, dippy look at bloodshed in the midst of bikinis, competition, and lots o’short skirts is just plain MST3K brand fun.

9. Camp Sunshine, THE MONSTER OF CAMP SUNSHINE

The second bill of a double feature including The Beast Who Killed Women, TMCS is an outstanding example of a movie that makes its bones in the last act. The long stretches of nothing happening are irritating early on, even though the fat “monster” man is an amusingly ridiculous villain. Plus there’s plenty of nudity to get you through since it’s set at a nudist colony. And if you push through, in the last block you’ll be treated to a movie ending that is as bizarre and over the top as Dr. Strangelove. Seriously.

10. North Sea Cottages, MADMAN

Even in a derivative sub-genre this flick is tragically unoriginal, but what is most surprising about this slasher is the skill of the cinematography. Let’s be honest, low-budget horror is not well known for cinematic dexterity. Here though, the overall vibe behind the lens feels downright professional. Plus lots of peeps get axed so it’s all good.