C’mon Hollywood #122

… where’s the sexy?
by Sturdy

Is it just me, or does Hollywood seem to be making a lot less sexy movies lately? Hollywood has plenty of sexy people, but that sexiness doesn’t seem to be resonating on the screen. When I say “sexy”, I don’t necessarily mean “nudity”, but a little erotica never hurt anyone. Not that nudity is a bad thing, but I don’t want hoo-ha’s and hoo-hoo-dillies all over the big screen. If that were the case, I wouldn’t get my money’s worth out of my internet service.

I don’t care who you are, this was sexy.

One recent example of Hollywood actually getting it right was UNFAITHFUL, which was aided by the incredibly sexy and beautiful Diane Lane. In a sense, every woman is sexy when they’re bent over a rail with their skirts hiked up, but Diane Lane was super-sexy. Speaking of Adrian Lyne, he’s one of the few directors around that can manage to make a sexy, erotic thriller without it being cheesy or obnoxious. He also did INDECENT PROPOSAL, FATAL ATTRACTION and 9 ½ WEEKS. Ok, maybe sometimes they’re cheesy, but if he can make Glenn Close look sexy, then the guy is practically a magician. CLOSER was also a decent, sexy film, but even that seemed pedestrian at times. There’s no doubt Natalie Portman is one of the most beautiful women in the world, but her strip scenes seemed a little too forced. And Julia Roberts is more like a mom nowadays. Her PRETTY WOMAN days are long gone.

(9 ½ Weeks) For the record, this is sexy on film, but has little practical application…

Unfortunately, there are plenty of examples today of films that half-heartedly tried to be sexy, but fell short of the mark. DERAILED is an example of a film that should have been sexy, but wasn’t. It was the type of film that Adrian Lyne or Paul Verhoeven could have made great. However, even with their knack for making stars look good, I don’t think either of them could make Jennifer Aniston look sexy. Well, maybe if they had her stand behind Scarlett Johansson. Since her name came up, BLACK DAHLIA is another film that was this close (picture me holding my thumb and forefinger together) to being sexy. Instead, it was another average film that could have been great. Also, someone needs to let Hilary Swank know that no matter how many Oscars she wins, or how many sit-ups she does, her face could still be used to ward off demons. So it’s not a good idea for her to be cast in films that actually require her to be hot from the neck up.

Sexy body, sexy dress…I should have stopped at the neck.

Maybe the problem isn’t with Hollywood, but it’s with us as movie fans. Maybe we’ve seen it all before and we’ve finally reached the limit. We could blame it on films like BODY HEAT and BASIC INSTINCT that have numbed us to the point where hot naked girls riding a guy and stabbing him repeatedly in the heart just doesn’t do it for us anymore. Or maybe the problem is that actresses just aren’t interested in doing those kind of movies. Kim Bassinger, Kathleen Turner, Sharon Stone and others are waaaaaaayyyyy past their prime and it doesn’t seem like they’ve passed the baton on to any of their younger counterparts. Either way, Hollywood needs to bring back the erotic thriller and add the sexy back into their films.