Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Matthew McConaughey!

Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are Hollywood

shithouse.

The

Defendant

Matthew McConaughey

The

Case

The Prosecution: Fool’s Gold, Failure to Launch, Sahara, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, The

Wedding Planner, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, it’s time we start holding some of these Hollywood folk accountable for their crimes, past and present. There is no

statute of limitations here. We need to take a closer look at those that dip their toes in the shit pool too often. Such is the case with today’s defendant. Sure,

he’s had some respectable hits in the past few years, but does that make up for all the rom-com schlock of yesteryear? Especially knowing that he’s capable of doing

great work, it’s like going into a convenience store and smacking the clerk in the face and stealing his money. And your accomplice is a hot actress. Who can’t act.

Does this court allow actors and actresses to let these crimes go just because they make a few good movies? We think not, and we’d like the court to make an example

of Mr. McConaughey by finding him guilty to show such actions will not be tolerated in this court.

The Defense: A Time to Kill, Dazed and Confused, Killer Joe, EdTV, Frailty, Reign of Fire, We Are Marshall, The Lincoln Lawyer, Contact,

Tropic Thunder*

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, a guy uses his natural good looks and charisma to make a few movies that will get women to drop their panties for years to come, and

this is a crime? If anything, the man should be applauded for finding an angle and exploiting that angle to make dat paper and tap dat ass. It’s what any guy in Mr.

McConaughey’s position would do. Let’s not forget that one of his first major roles was the now classic Wooderson in Dazed & Confused. A role so classic, in

fact, we can’t look at a hot redhead or pass a high school without uttering one of his now famous lines. Dramas like A Time to Kill, Contact and the

overlooked gem Frailty showed his true acting chops. As the prosecution has pointed out, he hasn’t done many rom-coms lately, concentrating on more dramatic

roles, a silly comedic turn in Tropic Thunder and showcasing the abs once again in Magic Mike. But it’s Mr. McConaughey’s most recent turn in Killer

Joe as an out of his mind hit man, that has us passionately moving for an acquittal of our charges. Seriously, watch that movie today.

IN

CLOSING…

So, what’s to be done with Mr. Matthew McConaughey? Is his foray into rom-coms unforgivable? Has his stature diminished because of this? Are his

dramatic roles just too good to convict? And the

most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into

consideration, we ask

you The Jury, is Matthew McConaughey GUILTY or NOT GUILTY? Let’s hear YOUR

arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.

*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so

relax.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR

NOT?

LAST WEEK’S

VERDICT

It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing

last week’s evidence, the court finds Mr. Michael Bay

GUILTY of all charges. In a landslide verdict, the outpour of guilty votes showed this court that just because “you know what you’re getting” with a Michael

Bay film, and that his work is nothing but “popcorn summer box office fare”, doesn’t mean it’s free from criticism. Besides, most of the jury wanted to simply see

bars across his smug face.