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Face-Off: Jason Voorhees Vs. Michael Myers

01.23.2012by: Mike Catalano

Here it is, my friends! The battle between the two greatest iconic slashers that basically started it all! I know we got FREDDY VS. JASON, but come on! What we all should have been treated to was MICHAEL VS. JASON! Now, thanks to your horror homies at AITH, we can all get the chance to see how this epic, albeit imaginary, battle would stack up!

Strength
There must have been a Gold's Gym at the bottom of Camp Crystal Lake because once young Jason decided to resurface, he was showcasing all kinds of superhuman strength. Whether it was squeezing a victim's head till his eyes popped out or punching a poor soul's noggin clean off, Mr. Voorhees certainly brought the muscle.
Apparently, Smith's Grove Sanitarium provided its patients with a fine athletic facility as well because once Michael decided to bust out, he was prepared to unleash all kinds of physical domination. From impaling victims into walls with a single stroke to casually crashing through plate glass doors, Mr. Myers was no trick in terms of might.
Mask
Although he didn't don his iconic goalie moniker until the third installment, how many of you hear the words "hockey mask" and don't think of the name Jason? The red accents up top and on the sides only serve as sadistic reminders of the blood our boy's most likely to spill. Plus, the fact that the open back gives us a sneak peek at the deformity of what is underneath only adds to the apprehension.
Who the f*ck ever thought that a William Shatner mask painted white with the eye holes cut out a little bit more would equate to the most terrifying visage ever committed to celluloid?! Well, that person deserves a friggin' Academy Award. A prime example of the term "less is more", Mr. Myers's pale disguise with the wavy 'do up top exemplifies the epitome of dread. Such a plain, expressionless look to take in... while you're being brutally stabbed to death!
Motive
Instead of watching over him during swim time, the teenage Crystal Lake camp counselors were off committing lewd acts. What's a drowned camper to do? Telepathically call on mommy and have her start offing any other teenagers that return to the camp to get down with the sex stuff. And if mommy loses her head? You come back to life and carry on the counselor kill-a-thon (even if they go to Manhattan).
Your slutty older sister chooses sex with her boyfriend over taking care of you on Halloween. You're an impressionable youth, so how the f*ck else are you supposed to digest this complete disregard for babysitting morals? You off said sis and develop a violent disregard for all things relating to family and babysitting. Sure, Jason is one cold-blooded mother-f*cker, but he never killed off a fellow Voorhees.
Weapon
A long, sharp machete is a pretty tough tool of death to top. You can stab it, swing it, or throw it and almost always connect with some piece of flesh. Nearly a guaranteed dismemberment every time!
The classic kitchen/butcher knife is a personal favorite of mine. Nothing says horror like a shiny, shark fin-shaped blade in your hand. It's lightweight and pretty easy to conceal before the stabbing and slashing is unleashed.
Public Speaking
F*ck this shit. It's clearly a tie.
Ditto
Date of the Year
How unlucky could a group of campers be?! To get stuck facing off against a psycho on the weekend of Friday the 13th! Not to mention the fact that it's Jason's birthday (at least in the first one), so perhaps the pile-up of bodies could be considered a sweet, sick b-day present. Bonus points for it being a Friday because, come on, who doesn't love Fridays?!
But how can any other day top the one that all horror fans, young and old, look forward to each year?! The one date that allows us to dress in creepy costumes and scare the crap out of each other October 31st! Plus, if you're into killing folks, there is no better time to blend in with the crowd while your carnage kicks in.
Michael Myers
And who's the big winner? Mikey, that's who! Mikey wins! Yes, it appears that our king of iconic slashers has been crowned and Dr. Loomis couldn't be more proud. And now that AITH has proclaimed Michael Myers number one, what is YOUR opinion on the matter? Were we right in stabbing Mr. Myers at the top of the kitchen door? Or should we be drowned for our sin of relegating Mr. Voorhees to the number two position? Please, let us know whether you disagree or agree with our verdict by spitting those bullets below!
Tags: Face-Off

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+1
11:24AM on 01/25/2012
Myers, the original and best. Don't forget that Michael took up murdering when he was a little kid. Meanwhile little Jason failed at swimming. Sure, Jason has a higher body count - he needs the practice!
Myers, the original and best. Don't forget that Michael took up murdering when he was a little kid. Meanwhile little Jason failed at swimming. Sure, Jason has a higher body count - he needs the practice!
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3:20AM on 01/24/2012

Mike!

To the people who seem to think that Jason is unstoppable and unkillable, you clearly never ever watched any of the Friday The 13th movies till the end, did you??
Winner has to be Michael. He might not be as strong but is the smarter one. Plus, HE at least never really actually died, so, case close. In the long run, he'd win over Jason.
And the fact that Jason has "more" kills and/or more imaginative ones, well, that counts for nothing when it comes to him vs Mike.

P.S. Michael is THE evil
To the people who seem to think that Jason is unstoppable and unkillable, you clearly never ever watched any of the Friday The 13th movies till the end, did you??
Winner has to be Michael. He might not be as strong but is the smarter one. Plus, HE at least never really actually died, so, case close. In the long run, he'd win over Jason.
And the fact that Jason has "more" kills and/or more imaginative ones, well, that counts for nothing when it comes to him vs Mike.

P.S. Michael is THE evil one while Jason is, and I hate to use that term, a retard. Strong retard, but retard still.
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-4
3:05AM on 01/24/2012

Tie.

I cant take either of them serious. Maybe leaning to Jason more, just because he makes the funnier movies.
I cant take either of them serious. Maybe leaning to Jason more, just because he makes the funnier movies.
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2:30AM on 01/24/2012

Michael Myers Is Definitely The Winner

He's the original, he's pure evil(at least until Rob Zombie fucked that up), and he kills his own family. He's a killing machine who doesn't even need to run to catch you. How can Jason top that?
He's the original, he's pure evil(at least until Rob Zombie fucked that up), and he kills his own family. He's a killing machine who doesn't even need to run to catch you. How can Jason top that?
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10:38PM on 01/23/2012
Just so we're clear, Jason has been killed by:

-A child.
-A weird zombie dad guy.
-A skinny blonde chick.
-Onemaeus from Spartacus.

Michael has never actually died. Hence, Michael wins.
Just so we're clear, Jason has been killed by:

-A child.
-A weird zombie dad guy.
-A skinny blonde chick.
-Onemaeus from Spartacus.

Michael has never actually died. Hence, Michael wins.
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1:44AM on 01/24/2012
However myers has been defeated by Busta Rhymes so...
However myers has been defeated by Busta Rhymes so...
9:13PM on 01/23/2012
Jason. No competition, Jason has come back as a Revenent that came back from the grave, Michael has been set on fire, and taken gunshots. No contest, a 5 year old can tell you that. This was stupid.
Jason. No competition, Jason has come back as a Revenent that came back from the grave, Michael has been set on fire, and taken gunshots. No contest, a 5 year old can tell you that. This was stupid.
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7:48PM on 01/23/2012
I love both to death(pun intended), but Jason beats Myers easily. The fact that he has more kills (and more creatively I might add) and is stronger in terms of not being knocked down easily. Jason would kill Michael very quickly like he did to Freddy.
I love both to death(pun intended), but Jason beats Myers easily. The fact that he has more kills (and more creatively I might add) and is stronger in terms of not being knocked down easily. Jason would kill Michael very quickly like he did to Freddy.
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7:34PM on 01/23/2012

Jason by a Landslide

He's got him outclassed on both the weapon and strength, and because he's just going to keep regenerating, Jason will be killing long after the worms have eaten away Michael completely.
He's got him outclassed on both the weapon and strength, and because he's just going to keep regenerating, Jason will be killing long after the worms have eaten away Michael completely.
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7:32PM on 01/23/2012
The column is a good idea. The result of this one? BS. Sorry, The two don't compare. IF the two actually existed Jason would kill Michael just as fast as a busty co-ed.
The column is a good idea. The result of this one? BS. Sorry, The two don't compare. IF the two actually existed Jason would kill Michael just as fast as a busty co-ed.
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3:36PM on 01/23/2012

Hell yeah

I always found Jason to be a second-rate Michael Myers.
I always found Jason to be a second-rate Michael Myers.
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2:26PM on 01/23/2012

Michael also gets best theme music

Michael. Jason's just a big momma's boy. Indeed what sucks about Rob Zombie's Halloween movies is that he turned Michael into an Oedipal Freudian momma's boy just like Jason. Michael wants to DESTROY his family and doesn't believe he'll find peace until he does it. Thats what sets him apart, and frankly makes him more frightening.
Michael. Jason's just a big momma's boy. Indeed what sucks about Rob Zombie's Halloween movies is that he turned Michael into an Oedipal Freudian momma's boy just like Jason. Michael wants to DESTROY his family and doesn't believe he'll find peace until he does it. Thats what sets him apart, and frankly makes him more frightening.
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2:04PM on 01/23/2012
Great column!! Have to agree though, Mikey is the original and he's the man! Say what you want about Jason but he has been killed and then 'resurrected' as zombie Jason. Mikey was straight up 100% evil throughout the series. Creative/number of kills DEFINITELY go to Jason. I think its way too close to call - I personally prefer Mikey but Jason is a VERY close 2nd. EITHER of them are FAR beyond Freddy!
Great column!! Have to agree though, Mikey is the original and he's the man! Say what you want about Jason but he has been killed and then 'resurrected' as zombie Jason. Mikey was straight up 100% evil throughout the series. Creative/number of kills DEFINITELY go to Jason. I think its way too close to call - I personally prefer Mikey but Jason is a VERY close 2nd. EITHER of them are FAR beyond Freddy!
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1:12PM on 01/23/2012

Team Voorhees

He's unstoppable. When Michael is injured at the end of the fourth movie, he has to be taken care of and healed back to life. Fuck that, Jason heals himself, feeling no pain.
Also, you forget that Jason goes after his (half) sister and niece in the 9th movie, so he also has a family motive.
Jason also went to space, nuff said
He's unstoppable. When Michael is injured at the end of the fourth movie, he has to be taken care of and healed back to life. Fuck that, Jason heals himself, feeling no pain.
Also, you forget that Jason goes after his (half) sister and niece in the 9th movie, so he also has a family motive.
Jason also went to space, nuff said
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2:22AM on 01/24/2012
He's unstoppable except for the except for the 9 or ten times he's been stopped.
He's unstoppable except for the except for the 9 or ten times he's been stopped.
+0
1:06PM on 01/23/2012
Voorhees on kill count alone is in a league by himself.
Voorhees on kill count alone is in a league by himself.
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12:58PM on 01/23/2012
I think it's too close to have a clear winner - I've always preferred Jason by just a small margin, but I agree with Netforce (below) in that the decision should have been a tie. Myers may have gone toe to toe with Busta... But Jason offed Kevin Bacon (with an arrow, no less).
I think it's too close to have a clear winner - I've always preferred Jason by just a small margin, but I agree with Netforce (below) in that the decision should have been a tie. Myers may have gone toe to toe with Busta... But Jason offed Kevin Bacon (with an arrow, no less).
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12:56PM on 01/23/2012

Love this column!

And I agree with the winner, although Freddy would pwn both of them.
And I agree with the winner, although Freddy would pwn both of them.
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9:22PM on 01/23/2012
I thought in Freddy Vs Jason it was a tie?
I thought in Freddy Vs Jason it was a tie?
1:17PM on 01/23/2012
you seem to forget "Freddy Vs Jason" where Jason clearly wins.
you seem to forget "Freddy Vs Jason" where Jason clearly wins.
12:16PM on 01/23/2012

One more thing...

Mike couldn't pull of killing Busta Rhymes and LL Cool J. Team Voorhees go! ;)
Mike couldn't pull of killing Busta Rhymes and LL Cool J. Team Voorhees go! ;)
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2:55PM on 01/23/2012
At least he wasn't racist ; )
Plus, little Cory Feldman was able to off Mr. V.!
At least he wasn't racist ; )
Plus, little Cory Feldman was able to off Mr. V.!
12:02PM on 01/23/2012
I think that this is great idea for a column! Love it!
I think that this is great idea for a column! Love it!
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11:00AM on 01/23/2012

IronFist66

Jason is just too unstoppable! Great match up,but Michael is chopped chuck!
Jason is just too unstoppable! Great match up,but Michael is chopped chuck!
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10:23AM on 01/23/2012
Jason is also my fav. He annihilates Mike in the CREATIVE KILLS department. So yup, I disagree! :)
Jason is also my fav. He annihilates Mike in the CREATIVE KILLS department. So yup, I disagree! :)
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10:18AM on 01/23/2012
I actually feel this one deserves to be a Tie. They are both literally die hard. But if I really had to vote, I'd vote Jason. He even survived in space station, darn it!
I actually feel this one deserves to be a Tie. They are both literally die hard. But if I really had to vote, I'd vote Jason. He even survived in space station, darn it!
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