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Globes pics 2/2

01.16.2007


-- click here to check out the winners --
-- click here to read our wrap-up --

PART 1 / 2

Seeing as none of these stars take themselves all too seriously (harumph) and even those who do need to be taken down a peg or two or three, every year we basically try and knock some sense into them by...well, making fun of their red carpet pictures as best we can. Of course, it's not a "nice thing" to do, but apparently it's one of the down-sides to being a multi-millionaire for pretending to be other people. We skipped this tradition last year, but you can check our previous years' jabs here: 2004 / 2003 / 2002. Enjoy!


Ladies and germs, the ageless Sharon Stone!!!!
Well, okay...just Sharon Stone!!


Angelina Jolie notices Brad Pitt talking to Jennifer Aniston out of the corner of her eye. Instead of saying anything, she simply...stares. After a minute or so of staring, Aniston spontaneously combusts and Pitt scrambles back next to his maiden mistress. "You shall never leave my side again, you hear me, Bradley." "Yes 'm", responds Pitt and nobody ever mentions "the incident" ever again.


That's right, you f*ck with me and your whole f*ckin' family is going down, you hear. You, your wife, your kidz, the whole friggin' clan...even your f*ckin' dog!! By the by, I'm still diggin' on JoBlo.com...keep that shit up, bro-hams!


I want to live inside the cracks of Jessica Biel's stupendous ass. That's right, I want to build a home for me and my family, and after a few years, sell some real estate and hopefully make a profit. I also want to bounce a quarter off her ass, and see how that works out. I guess what I'm trying to say in my most limited "guy way" is that I think Jessica Biel has a fine figure.


I think that I make this joke every other year, but it still rings true, so I will present it one more time. Does anyone know when Jada Pinkett-Smith will be giving Will his balls back? Seriously, one stare from that heavy-metal chick and I'm doing whatever the f*ck she says. That's right, Will, just keep smiling, dude...that's what Jada wants and Jada gets what Jada wants!!


Look ma, it's the Joker!!


Apparently the pictures taken immediately after this one featured Beyonce removing her entire dress and shaking it till she won an award. Sadly, it never happened and she was left wandering the streets, nekkid, with Jamie Foxx hitting on her and every other woman who was breathing air.


Look away.....look awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! Too late, you've been taken under the spell of 'Black-Eyed Parker'. Brrrrrr....


Can someone so pretty be so annoying at the same time? Abso-f*ckin-lutely and Maria Menounos proves that to us every single day of her existence on this planet. Ella rhe!


Somebody please call my agent! I will work for a free lunch and some dessert for my gravely-sick-looking husband. I'm the chick from SELENA.


Now here's a man who truly did not give a shit about appearances and that's why we love him so much. Jason Lee, ex-skateboarder and all-around cool dude, decided that shaving, combing his hair and even slapping some Visine into his eyeballs wasn't worth the hassle of the award show circuit. As Ali G would say: "Respect"


No joke here, folks, despite likely being a pretty decent bimbo, Drew Barrymore actually looks pretty damn good here. Who knew! Peace and love, everybody...


Patricia Arquette trying to smuggle a couple of her kids to the awards via her big-ass skirt. What's that you say? There were no kids under her skirt? She's just mat? She's just lat? Oooooh, she's just FAT!!!


Baby got back, front and all sides!! I have no clue who this lady is, but she shall forever be known simply as "red". Or better yet, "the chick who got back, front and all sides!!"


Salma didn't appreciate my comments about the previous picture and decided to bang this shit out for me. Wow...a definite knock-down, folks...we have a WINNER!!!


Is it me or is Jennifer Love Hewitt slowly starting to look like Mrs. John Travolta, Kelly Preston? (and a dash of Maria Menounos) That said, I remember Preston showing off her goodies in the great SECRET ADMIRER (among other flicks). Pay attention, Hewitt...pay very close attention and learn something, dammit!! For all of us!!


"I used to look like a lesbo, but work steadily on the X-Files a few years back, but now I'm hot as hell, but can't get a job pushing Crest in TV commercials. Which is one is better?" The latter, baby...the latter!


"Will work for food...seriously!"


"I'm talented, great looking and love to show off my massive boobies in films to boot. Got a problem with that?" Not at all, my love, not at all. Cheers!


"Honestly, I'm just very darn cute is all. Accept it!"


I'm not gonna take the "easy shot" at Trump's hair (although let's be frank, it blows chunks), but I'm of the opinion that his trophy wife is actually NOT that pretty and dumb to boot. Yeah, just my opinion.


Mah, help me...I'm shrinking, ma...I'm disappearing before your very eyes. I see food and yet I cannot insert any into my actual mouth. It's a very weird phenomenon, likely caused by partying too hard with Paris Hilton or being on a popular TV show.


BRIDE OF CHUCKY Katherine Heigl = Charlize Theron - the talent + a beer in hand - her massive boobies / top-rated TV show = Grey's Anatomy Katherine Heigl


I have no idea who this is blowing ME a kiss, but I'll take it and consider it my final adieu for this evening. Was fun, kids...see ya'll next year!

Source: JoBlo.com

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