Globes pics 2/2

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here to check out the winners —
— click
here to read our wrap-up —

PART 1
/ 2

Seeing
as none of these stars take themselves all too seriously (harumph)
and even those who do need to be taken down a peg or two or three,
every year we basically try and knock some sense into them
by…well, making fun of their red carpet pictures as best we
can. Of course, it’s not a "nice thing" to do, but
apparently it’s one of the down-sides to being a multi-millionaire
for pretending to be other people. We skipped this tradition last
year, but you can check our previous years’ jabs here: 2004
/ 2003 / 2002.
Enjoy!

Ladies and germs, the ageless Sharon Stone!!!!
Well, okay…just Sharon Stone!!

Angelina Jolie notices Brad Pitt talking to Jennifer Aniston out of
the corner of her eye. Instead of saying anything, she simply…stares.
After a minute or so of staring, Aniston spontaneously
combusts and Pitt scrambles back next to his maiden mistress.
"You shall never leave my side again, you hear me,
Bradley." "Yes ‘m", responds Pitt and nobody ever
mentions "the incident" ever again.

That’s right, you f*ck with me and your whole f*ckin’ family is
going down, you hear. You, your wife, your kidz, the whole friggin’
clan…even your f*ckin’ dog!! By the by, I’m still diggin’ on
JoBlo.com…keep that shit up, bro-hams!

I want to live inside the cracks of Jessica Biel’s stupendous ass.
That’s right, I want to build a home for me and my family, and after
a few years, sell some real estate and hopefully make a profit. I
also want to bounce a quarter off her ass, and see how that works
out. I guess what I’m trying to say in my most limited "guy
way" is that I think Jessica Biel has a fine figure.

I think that I make this joke every other year, but it still rings
true, so I will present it one more time. Does anyone know when Jada
Pinkett-Smith will be giving Will his balls back? Seriously, one
stare from that heavy-metal chick and I’m doing whatever the f*ck
she says. That’s right, Will, just keep smiling, dude…that’s what
Jada wants and Jada gets what Jada wants!!

Look ma, it’s the Joker!!

Apparently the pictures taken immediately after this one
featured Beyonce removing her entire dress and shaking it till she
won an award. Sadly, it never happened and she was left wandering
the streets, nekkid, with Jamie Foxx hitting on her and every other
woman who was breathing air.

Look away…..look awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! Too late, you’ve been
taken under the spell of ‘Black-Eyed Parker’. Brrrrrr….

Can someone so pretty be so annoying at the same time? Abso-f*ckin-lutely
and Maria Menounos proves that to us every single day of her
existence on this planet. Ella rhe!

Somebody please call my agent! I will work for a free lunch and some
dessert for my gravely-sick-looking husband. I’m the chick from
SELENA.

Now here’s a man who truly did not give a shit about
appearances and that’s why we love him so much. Jason Lee,
ex-skateboarder and all-around cool dude, decided that shaving,
combing his hair and even slapping some Visine into his eyeballs
wasn’t worth the hassle of the award show circuit. As Ali G would
say: "Respect"

No joke here, folks, despite likely being a pretty decent bimbo,
Drew Barrymore actually looks pretty damn good here. Who
knew! Peace and love, everybody…

Patricia Arquette trying to smuggle a couple of her kids to the
awards via her big-ass skirt. What’s that you say? There were no
kids under her skirt? She’s just mat? She’s just lat?
Oooooh, she’s just FAT!!!

Baby got back, front and all sides!! I have no clue who this
lady is, but she shall forever be known simply as "red".
Or better yet, "the chick who got back, front and all
sides!!"

Salma didn’t appreciate my comments about the previous picture and
decided to bang this shit out for me. Wow…a definite knock-down,
folks…we have a WINNER!!!

Is it me or is Jennifer Love Hewitt slowly starting to look like
Mrs. John Travolta, Kelly Preston? (and a dash of Maria Menounos)
That said, I remember Preston showing
off her goodies in the great SECRET ADMIRER (among other
flicks). Pay attention, Hewitt…pay very close attention and learn
something, dammit!! For all of us!!

"I used to look like a lesbo, but
work steadily on the X-Files a few years back, but now I’m hot as
hell, but can’t get a job pushing Crest in TV commercials. Which is
one is better?" The latter, baby…the latter!

"Will work for
food…seriously!"

"I’m talented, great looking and
love to show
off my massive boobies in films to boot. Got a problem with
that?" Not at all, my love, not at all. Cheers!

"Honestly, I’m just very darn cute
is all. Accept it!"

I’m not gonna take the "easy
shot" at Trump’s hair (although let’s be frank, it blows
chunks), but I’m of the opinion that his trophy wife is actually NOT
that pretty and dumb to boot. Yeah, just my opinion.

Mah, help me…I’m shrinking, ma…I’m disappearing before your very
eyes. I see food and yet I cannot insert any into my actual mouth.
It’s a very weird phenomenon, likely caused by partying too hard
with Paris Hilton or being on a popular TV show.

BRIDE OF CHUCKY Katherine Heigl =
Charlize Theron – the talent + a beer in hand – her massive boobies
/ top-rated TV show = Grey’s Anatomy Katherine Heigl

I have no idea who this is blowing ME a kiss, but I’ll take
it and consider it my final adieu for this evening. Was fun,
kids…see ya’ll next year!