I Want That: Star Wars-themed beds make bedtime an adventure

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

I like to consider myself a grown man. I pay my taxes, go grocery shopping before I’m completely out of stuff, intend on voting this November (Mayor McCheese/Nader 2016), and I am perfectly capable of paying a bigger man to fix things on my car. Still, I am totally comfortable with looking at something cool and being jealous of anyone under the age of 12 who gets to have it. This is one of those moments.

Thank to Rooms to Go (via Nerdist) your little Padawan can drift gently off to a galaxy far, far away in these new STAR WARS-themed beds. No longer will they have to suffer from the taunts and mockery from the other neighborhood children, speeding off to bed in their fancy race car beds. Now, your child can use the blasters attached to their bed to obliterate their friend Timmy and his dumb bed. F@ck Timmy, and f@ck his bed!

Your child will get to choose how they become ruler of the galaxy, whether it’s in a Landspeeder bed ($599), a dual X-Wing bed ($1199) or, my favorite, a Millennium Falcon bed with speakers, Bluetooth and charging ports ($599). That’s right; the Falcon bed is close to being like an actual spaceship. Meanwhile I’m sleeping on the floor like a goddamn refugee.

Take a look at the beds below, and remember…NO…NO! These are for children!