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08.17.2005by: Jim Law

Top 10 Animated Hotties

Let's get a couple things clear before we start because I have a feeling I'm going to feel the wrath of an entirely different kind of fanboy after this one. First, this is a movie site, these are movie characters (except for #7, who appeared on the big screen in an animated short). There will be no comic heroines, Saturday morning starlets, or funny page regulars. Second, I'm not what you would call an expert in the world of anime so there's probably a hundred or so anime women I've left off the list. Finally, you haven't experienced a truly awkward moment in life until you try to come up with a list such as this one while at work surrounded by slugs who'd rather discuss the length of their lawn and the absolute hilarity of "Everybody Loves Raymond". So consider this a big shout out to Scotty, who helped populate the list and made the conversation seem normal if only for a few seconds. Fantasize away.

10. Helen Parr (Elastigirl) - THE INCREDIBLES (2004)

It seems right to start out with a M.I.L.F. Probably drawn the most realistic with her child bearing hips and easy to maintain hairstyle, Mrs. Incredible finds a way to mix house chores and crime fighting with ease. The sexy voice of Holly Hunter doesn't hurt things any and the fact that she can put herself in any position imaginable really makes you think. Mmmm.... stretchy.

9. Tinkerbell - PETER PAN (1953)

The ultimate spinner. With the attention span of a humming bird and the tiniest dress known to man, Tink does her best to try and get noticed in the unfriendly confines of Neverland where her competition of normal size never grows old. It's a huge task for a such a small Pixie Fairy but she does her best by making sure Pete's eyes don't wander too much and putting a hurt on any mermaids or Brits that stand in her way. Watch your ass Wendy.

8. Jasmine - ALADDIN (1992)

Your typical case of teenage rebellion here as Jazz turns her back on the line of suitors her father has in mind and goes searching for a man that can fulfill her needs. Of course, she falls for the punk street thief who's animation was based on Tom Cruise. I'm pretty sure the Genie in a lamp, flying carpet, and the helper monkey didn't hurt either. She's rich, she likes tube tops, and she has giant hair. What else do you want in a cartoon?


That image above was the only reason I was happy to spend money on DREAMCATCHER. Maybe if Jason Lee had an ass like that I would've stopped stabbing myself in the eyes with my straw. Jue is the poster girl for everything great about computer generated animation. Get a room full of super-geeks and pay them top dollar to create the perfect woman and this is what you get. A lethal martial artist who can't seem to keep her clothes on while trying to save mankind from giant drilling robots. Nine minutes wasn't even close to enough time to appreciate a rump like that.


I could watch this film eight times in a row and still not have a clue as to what the hell is going on. That's okay though, once Maxim Magazine printed this picture of the female lead - I bought it. Sure, I was disappointed when I found out it wasn't a beach volleyball drama and the fact that Aki never actually sports this outfit but hey, I'm a loser.

5. Ariel - THE LITTLE MERMAID (1989)

She's a mermaid. That should be enough, no? How about the piercing blue eyes, the long flowing red hair, the exposed belly button, the freaking seashell bikini? What else do you need? Why am I asking so many questions? Every parent loves to have their little girl look up to Ariel. The problems arise when they start to look like Ariel and you have to lock them in their room until graduation day.

4. Holli Would - COOL WORLD (1992)

As if an animated version of Kim Basinger in her prime wouldn't make this list. It doesn't hurt that she's a raving nymphomaniac in seven inch pumps and a ten inch dress with lips you could use as an air bag. Holli just wanted to be a real human and decided to do anyone that would help her. Sit back and think about this premise for a second and then scroll through this list again. Feel a little weird? Good, now move on sicko.

3. Faye Valentine - COWBOY BEBOP: THE MOVIE (2001)

The fact that I can't understand a word she says and the lack of any real nose couldn't keep this sexy bounty hunter off the list. She'll use her cute smile to get you to come over, the power of her canyon sized cleavage will force you to do whatever she says, one look at her rump will teach you to ask no questions, and then she'll probably kill you. Not exactly what I'm looking for in my cartoons but whatever - I'm in!

2. Jessica Rabbit - WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT (1988)

Thought she'd be number one? Think again. Still, it's hard to vote against that image above. Legs that could wrap around you twice, a chest that could hold your half case, and a waist that could hold your wedding ring. You think the artist remembered to put in underwear? Doubtful. One thing is for sure though, Jessica set a new standard for female cartoons that led to the majority of the characters on this list. A great animation in a fantastic movie that was missing just one thing. Which leads us to.....

1. Taarna - HEAVY METAL (1981)

Nudity. The creators of Taarna decided to do something very rare even by today's standards. Put a sexy cartoon warrior in a widely released animated movie and then..... show 'em and show 'em often. Taarna does nothing but whip out her fun bags, kick ass, and destroy evil over and over again while riding bareback on her giant bird. She actually punches one villain so hard his face explodes. She's tough, she's courageous, she's hot, and she's nude. This is the kind of sex and violence that gets you to number one. So there's the list. Let us never talk of it again. Peace.



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